At what point can you decide Montessori isn't working for your child?
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Anonymous
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Hello, all. My son and daughter--twins who just turned three in November--have been enrolled in what is by all accounts a very good Montessori school in Arlington, Virginia, for nearly a year. But we live in Washington DC.
Our daughter has been doing splendidly and recently advanced to the next class. Our son, however, shows little sign of being ready to matriculate. He is very inconsistent in listening to his teacher--doing things like putting his coat away or sitting down when asked and so forth--and the school has expressed concerns about his development. He doesn't make as much eye contact with them as they'd like, for example. That said, he is not aggressive or anything like that. We had him tested for developmental delays in May--a pair of DC social workers came to our house and basically quizzed my son--and he was assessed as not qualifying for any special educational assistance--a result I interpret as, "Your child appears to be hitting his milestones so far." His pediatrician also has no concerns. But the school's concerns remain and they want us to have him assessed again and hopefully have him observed within the classroom environment. So we are reaching back out to the appropriate authorities for that. But my sense is that the writing is on the wall with this school--they want to help and are giving us a reprieve, but are preparing us for the fact that they might eventually have to ask him to leave. My son't temperament is quite different than his sister's, and he is frankly not as far along socially as she is. You can more or less hold a conversation with my daughter, but not so much with my son yet. He will answer questions and sometimes makes his needs known, but doesn't frequently volunteer information about his inner being as his sister does. That said, he loves letters and numbers and learning in general. My wife has done a terrific job preparing him for academic learning--he's been able to count to 100 for a while now. I would describe him as bright and engaged with the world. But on his own terms. I'm not trying to make excuses for my son or assign blame for his problems, but at what point can one determine that Montessori simply isn't the right fit for one's child? My wife thinks that the problems he's having at this school would follow him anywhere he goes, and she may well be right, but I wonder if a different structure--say, a more traditional academic structure--might get very different results, as he'd be more engaged with it. My experience with my son has been that with him, it's rarely a matter of him not being able to do something--he just doesn't want to do it. This came out pretty long, so I appreciate if you've read this far. Any advice anyone can give would be appreciated. --Jeff Morris |
Anonymous
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What you describe doesn't sound like a montessori. There should be no advancing to the next class as montessori combines 3,4 and 5 year olds in the same class. Kids stay in the same classroom for 3 years, that is one of the benefits. Children are supposed to go at their own pace, so no one should be "behind".
It sounds like the school is not willing to put in extra effort with your son if they've already identified him as a "problem". Your daughter seems like she could do well anywhere. I would switch schools. Also, if you think your son would do better with more structure and everyone doing the same thing at once, then I would not do montessori. It is not good for kids with attention issues or those that need more encouragement to stay on task. |
Anonymous
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Maybe switching preschools would solve your DS's issues or maybe not. It wouldn't hurt and might help.
It's not unusual for a boy to be somewhat behind a girl in the early years. This is something to keep in mind. Follow through with the evaluation and change preschools. See what happens. |
Anonymous
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I am no expert on Montessori--it is my understanding that there are variances in the approaches used among Montessori schools.
When I taught K, I had a colleague who espoused the Montessori approach. Her class was almost silent. Is this the environment for your children? Is there much language development? Is there much free play among the kids? Do they go outside? Or, is everything controlled and highly structured? I am the parent of a boy and a girl. Although, we would like to avoid stereotypes, I do see a difference in them--my son was making car noises before he talked. I don't recall DD ever making a car noise. Interests are different. |
Anonymous
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I agree that it does not sound like the school is following a Montessori model. There it is a combined 3-5 YO class; so there is no new class for a 3 YO to move into.
Regardless, it sounds like the school is not doing a good job of supporting your son where he is. I would look for a preschool that will be able to support both twins. Good luck! |
Anonymous
If the children started at 2 and recently turned 3, then both should move from the 18 month-3 year class to the 3-5 year class. That may be what OP is referring to. |
Anonymous
Byw, it typically evens out by 6-8ish. |
Anonymous
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My heart goes out to your son. This definitely seems like the wrong environment for him. And I disagree with your wife that his “issues” will follow him wherever he goes. I would love both twins to a different school.
—preschool teacher in a play-based preschool |
Anonymous
| Love = move |
Anonymous
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I have twins too and I worked as a preschool teacher for several years. If this was my child, I would look at a different type of preschool program. It may not be the most supportive environment, too rigid, or not enough periods of unstructured play time... I would try a different environment.
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Anonymous
| I have twins also. I know it can be hard to get into preschools but this is not working for your son. He’s much too young to be subjected to so much pressure and judgement. There plenty of time for that later (unfortunately). Montessori can be great but it can also be too intense and rather backward. Try another school and right away. |
Anonymous
| We were accepted at a well regarded Montessori school but didn’t go to it. Our neighbor did. It was a nightmare of outdated rules and schedules. Preschools have atmospheres determined by the admin. They can be very different from other Montessori schools or other preschools. Do your son a favor and leave. Also twins are hard. Keep them in the same school for your sanity in driving them around. |
Anonymous
| For a friend, it was a social issue with her DD’s non-Montessori friends. They had academic skills her DD hadn’t been introduced to yet and as a result, she got left out of some activities. The biggest one was reading. The other kids learned in K-1. At 8, her DD couldn’t read. The other girls were so into certain book series. She couldn’t contribute to conversations. |
Anonymous
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Everyone,
Thank you for all the replies. I should add that both our twins started at this school in what is essentially the "infant" class--the starter classroom, with kids as young as 18 months. Once they demonstrate enough self-sufficiency in that class, they "graduate" to the class that is largely made up of 3-5 year olds, in which there are fewer teachers to students. My son is still in that first class and apparently shows little signs of being ready to move on, according to them, while my daughter has moved on to the 3-5 year old class. I also feel like all this stress and judgment about a kid who literally just turned three less than a month ago is frankly a bit nuts. And it's certainly taking its toll on me--I can think about virtually nothing else all day other than, "Is my son normal?" But I don't want to make excuses and I don't want blind optimism or wishful thinking to prevent us from taking action to help him along in his development, if in fact that's what he needs. Again, thank you all. It helps to have a forum in which to talk about this. |
Anonymous
Yes, that's exactly right. I should have explained that better. |