At what point can you decide Montessori isn't working for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to your son. This definitely seems like the wrong environment for him. And I disagree with your wife that his “issues” will follow him wherever he goes. I would love both twins to a different school.

—preschool teacher in a play-based preschool

A lot of "Montessori" schools have no idea what to do with kids who have a mind of my own.

My DS was at a Montessori wannabe school that freaked me about him. He went on to a different pre-K school and has never had a minute of trouble in any camp or school since then. If you're son seems fine when he's with you, chances are any problem is with the school, not your son.

[Anonymous]

I actually think he’s do better if you moved him up. The toys are way better, more academic, they learn real things like math etc, he’d probably be way more engaged.

[Anonymous]

Go tour a few other Montessori schools. They’re not all the same. Ours, in Annandale, handled our son who was barely verbal and loved math at 3 just fine. He grew into being more verbal by 3.5yo, still loves math and gets occasional elementary level lessons because he’s more advanced (in his third year of primary, 5yo), and has been reading since the end of last year (second year of primary, 4yo).

During conferences, his teachers tell us he does struggle with organization and has needed extra help with fine motor skills/handwriting. We’ve been concerned about his social skills (think future Dilbert engineer), but they’re not really.

We’ve been impressed with how they’ve helped him become more independent and “normal.”

[Anonymous]

Then again, there are other boys in his class who are doing fine. Apparently only two kids have been asked to leave this school in its five-year history. Looks like my boy will be number three.

This is insane and is reason enough to leave.

Your son is THREE years old. I'd leave and wouldn't look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am no expert on Montessori--it is my understanding that there are variances in the approaches used among Montessori schools.

When I taught K, I had a colleague who espoused the Montessori approach. Her class was almost silent. Is this the environment for your children? Is there much language development? Is there much free play among the kids? Do they go outside? Or, is everything controlled and highly structured?

I am the parent of a boy and a girl. Although, we would like to avoid stereotypes, I do see a difference in them--my son was making car noises before he talked. I don't recall DD ever making a car noise. Interests are different.

Took kid out of Montessori and enrolled in progressive which allowed language development to flourish. Don’t know what your program is like, and they all vary. But our experience was like bonded above. Even though teachers were lovely and classroom was kind and organized. They must be in an environment where they are encouraged to converse.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been down this road with my son. I know what it’s like to agonize when people are telling you something may be wrong and you don’t really see it.

It sounds like you’ve been going to your regular pediatrician? Try to get an appointment with a “developmental pediatrician.” It will take a few months to get in. They have more expertise than a regular ped. They’ll give him about an hour of small tests and will let you know next steps. I’d let them know you’ve had him evaluated by social workers and they don’t see anything. But definitely mention the no eye contact, the parroting and the schools concerns. Just lay it out there even if you don’t agree.

In my son’s case, the developmental ped is just “watching” him for now...we go back every six months. The dev. ped is watching him for ADHD inattentive type. But he said if it’s there, it seems to be pretty mild.

The dev ped said speech therapy was optional for my sin’s mild articulation issues. He wasn’t saying “l” and “th” and “v” clearly. So we did that. My son wasn’t making eye contact with certain adults in school and not following directions sometimes also. Turns out the speech therapist thinks he has a mild receptive language gap. They are working with him and it’s improved a lot.

My point is—the school sees something—it may be nothing or it could be mild, which is why he may not have qualified for services. Seeing a developmental ped will pacify the preschool for now. I also wouldn’t hesitate to move him if you aren’t comfortable there and the environment isn’t for him.

Good luck to you! The preschool are NOT a medical professionals, but I would get to the developmental ped. It will make you feel better. They will tell you if nothing is wrong.

[Anonymous]

I’m the Pp directly above. I’ve had kids in Montessori and play-based schools. We much prefer play-based. It’s more “joyful” in our experience and less rigid. We were at a Montessori off Route 50 in south Arlington. We didn’t like it. Just letting you know in case it’s the same place! Try a good play-based preschool next time. But do see the dev. ped. too....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the Pp directly above. I’ve had kids in Montessori and play-based schools. We much prefer play-based. It’s more “joyful” in our experience and less rigid. We were at a Montessori off Route 50 in south Arlington. We didn’t like it. Just letting you know in case it’s the same place! Try a good play-based preschool next time. But do see the dev. ped. too....

Sorry! It was Route 50 and Pershing area in north Arlington. I’m so curious to know if it’s the same place. We didn’t like the administration at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in her fifth (and last) year of Montessori. Even though it has the reputation of being progressive I actually find it very strict in some ways. I've always thought it was a tough place for active boys. The requirement to focus on one activity seems really onerous at age three. I've seen a lot of boys in her class act out because it's not the right environment for them. Definitely don't move him up to the 3 +year old class. My very mature DD had a horrible first year in that classroom. It's big and there are a lot of social issues that come with being around kids who are three years older that a 3 year old just can't navigate. Montessori has a lot of pluses but I definitely see its downsides.

It should be progressive. Many Montessori teachers don't get that part.

----- Montessori teacher & Parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in her fifth (and last) year of Montessori. Even though it has the reputation of being progressive I actually find it very strict in some ways. I've always thought it was a tough place for active boys. The requirement to focus on one activity seems really onerous at age three. I've seen a lot of boys in her class act out because it's not the right environment for them. Definitely don't move him up to the 3 +year old class. My very mature DD had a horrible first year in that classroom. It's big and there are a lot of social issues that come with being around kids who are three years older that a 3 year old just can't navigate. Montessori has a lot of pluses but I definitely see its downsides.

It is truly hard for active boys. We took our son out of Montessori at 4 because although he was academically advanced, he was not as well behaved and did not fit into the rigid structure that Montessori espouses with regards to following routines and focusing on the task at hand.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids that have gone through Montessori. One is still there. Montessori schools are great for kids that fit in the box. If your kid is at all outside the box, it doesn't work. The schools are not equipped to deal with any behavior issues in my experience.
I have had 3 friends - 3 different schools - all with the same experience with boys. They all moved their kids out. And didn't look back...
If it isn't working out, just move him. It is preschool. Don't waste your time and energy trying to make it work. If it isn't working at this school, there are plenty of others where I guarantee he will be happy.
I would add that public schools seem to do just fine with these difficult boys.

[Anonymous]

Hi- I would do private testing not city/county,state testing.

We had to do the same thing for behaviorial Tesoro g and the Mont County program essentially said that because our child could speak English alright and they understood her, for the most part, that they “did not recommend the county out her in a delayed program as it had to triage funds to those students that had issues severely impacting their ability to learn.”

Two years later we had to do everything - testing, speech therapy, behavior tests- privately and have had good results.