Tell? Weird dating sort of cheating situation
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Happy Thanksgiving from redneck Middle America.
To keep it short, I won't include all the details of how we learned this and the complicated back story, but it came directly from the "other guy," who is a long time friend known for absolutely no drama. Tonight we discovered my brother in laws girlfriend was dating another guy, our friend, while BIL and Other Guy thought they were exclusive. Timeline: Early July, other guy meets girlfriend and starts dating her. They go on a weekender together with some of our other friends in late August. Last time they slept together was early October. They were not using condoms. She basically made up a lame excuse for why she couldn't spend the weekend with him in late October and then ghosted him. They discussed that they were exclusive. Late July, brother in law meets girlfriend and starts dating her. They get serious pretty quickly, introducing each others kids by early September. They were going on trips together and brother in law believed they were exclusive by Sept. She is spending most nights at his house now and has nearly moved in, including having her children sleep at his house on an air mattress some nights. Girlfriend is done with the other guy, they are over. But it sounds like there were 2 - 3 months of overlap where they both thought they were exclusive and she was sleeping with both of them. Thoughts? Shit is moving very fast in the relationship and Brother In Law has referenced needing his large house because eventually they'll all move in permanently. In front of her and the kids. What a dumbass. |
Anonymous
| Ooof. Did this woman not realize that these 2 guys had some very close people in common? |
Anonymous
| Stay out of it. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| MYOB...even from your own posts....Girlfriend did not tell BIL or did they discuss being exclusive and who knows if other man is being truthful. If your DH wants to have a conversation with his Brother about potentially slowing down then that’s on him but they are adults, it’s been 5 months and perhaps their connection is one that is instant. |
Anonymous
+2. Certainly not ideal, and my advice would probably be different if she were still seeing “other guy”, but all you have is a messy start to a relationship. BIL is not going to break up with her over this, and you’ll find yourself on the outs with him if you’re the ones who tell him. |
Anonymous
| You have no idea what your brother-in-law knows or doesn't know about this situation. I can't imagine he'd share his newish girlfriend's sexual history with other people. |
Anonymous
| Honestly unless your BIL and the girlfriend actually communicated they were exclusive then nothing wrong happened here. I’ve noticed in dating that people do tend to make assumptions about a relationship based on their own feelings. You BIL May have had much stronger feelings about this woman initially than she did about him. But unless they actually had that exclusive talk then she’s free to date and sleep with other dudes. |
Anonymous
This. It’s all early in both relationships. Men do this all the time and nobody bats an eye. I don’t think BIL’s introducing anyone to kids without commitment is good, though. They could get attached and the relationship then could go up in flames. Then more than just your BIL is hurt. That’s the only thing about this story that bugs me. |
Anonymous
| Personally I do not sleep with two people at the same time. I think it's sleazy and also physically unhealthy from a public health perspective for people to have overlapping sex partners. But I don't think you necessarily know the full truth here. What do you mean they "thought" they were exclusive? Did they discuss it? I always do before I have sex with someone. It's sad to me that such a discussion is necessary but you shouldn't just assume. Plus who knows if other guy is telling the full truth. I do think it is inappropriate to be introducing kids and having sleep overs like that a couple months in but that is their call. |
Anonymous
| If BIL and suspect woman stay together for some period of time, are they going to have occasion to encounter "other guy" at some type of group gathering? If so, there's potential that some or all of this might come out whether you tell or not. |
Anonymous
| OP here: other guy called my husband this morning and asked for his permission to talk to brother. Dh said fine, just keep us out of it other than mentioning we were at the bar and mentioned we met his girlfriend, who has a unique name. It's a small town, so they can sort it out. There's a chance brother knew she was dating other people until October but I greatly doubt it knowing the people involved. We are staying out of it. |
Anonymous
|
I disagree with you that other guy is no drama. His whining to you is nothing but drama. She didn’t pick him and he needs to move on.
|
Anonymous
This. He calls the Brother on Thanksgiving Day and wants to stir up crap with boyfriend of an Ex....he is trying to sabotage the girlfriend’s relationship because she left him. |
Anonymous
You are making huge assumptions here. You do not know that the guy was whining or looking to cause trouble. For all you know, he was having dinner with OP and her husband, and they said "oh, you said you were seeing someone over the summer, how's that going?" He tells them a bit about the relationship, and that it's ended, and her name gets mentioned. OP and hubby recognize the name and go "oh sh*t, she was dating BIL at the same time." |