Wife sacrificed career for kids/husband wants her to make more money

[Anonymous]

I built a career that requires frequent travel overseas. When we had our first child, my husband essentially bailed on me and left ALL the care taking on me. It started as early as in the hospital on day two when he had to change the diaper while I was confined to the bed (emergancy c section). I had to rely on the nurses to step up and help instead.

Since then it’s been a rollercoaster. We now have two kids, he’s been to anger management, we’ve had marriage counseling, I talked to a lawyer about my options and decided it’s best to try and make it work. He also has severe anxiety so now on pills to calm him. I quit my job because it was impossible for me to balance halnding the baby 100% alone and manage my workload. It’s now been several year, we have two kids, and I’ve tried to work as a consultant but not getting enough gigs. I’m still expected to be there when they are sick, have dentist or doctor appointments, volunteer at school, be home when their schools are closed etc..

I have no idea how I can manage going back to work full time yet he is telling me I have to. I want to scream because he has no clue all that I do to manage the house and kids. He still will not change diapers. I have to insist he does it to help me on the weekends, along with other general caretakeking. It is draining and I dread me getting a job, having to take a ton of days off of work, and eventually getting fired.

How the heck to other working Moms manage? Also, we have no family in town. It’s just us two and he works a ton of hours, including the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Learn to manage. Single mom with executive job.

[Anonymous]

Stop having more kids, hire a nanny, none to volunteer at school.

[Anonymous]

you both sound miserable

[Anonymous]

1) You should have a job anyway.

2) If your husband doesn't help, you're going back to work, and you can't do it all, you need to divorce him. He sounds like a complete jerk. Why would you even want to stay? Your kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I built a career that requires frequent travel overseas. When we had our first child, my husband essentially bailed on me and left ALL the care taking on me. It started as early as in the hospital on day two when he had to change the diaper while I was confined to the bed (emergancy c section). I had to rely on the nurses to step up and help instead.

Since then it’s been a rollercoaster. We now have two kids, he’s been to anger management, we’ve had marriage counseling, I talked to a lawyer about my options and decided it’s best to try and make it work. He also has severe anxiety so now on pills to calm him. I quit my job because it was impossible for me to balance halnding the baby 100% alone and manage my workload. It’s now been several year, we have two kids, and I’ve tried to work as a consultant but not getting enough gigs. I’m still expected to be there when they are sick, have dentist or doctor appointments, volunteer at school, be home when their schools are closed etc..

I have no idea how I can manage going back to work full time yet he is telling me I have to. I want to scream because he has no clue all that I do to manage the house and kids. He still will not change diapers. I have to insist he does it to help me on the weekends, along with other general caretakeking. It is draining and I dread me getting a job, having to take a ton of days off of work, and eventually getting fired.

How the heck to other working Moms manage? Also, we have no family in town. It’s just us two and he works a ton of hours, including the weekends.

I'm 22:39. You don't HAVE to do any of those things. You do have to be able to support yourself/ your child obligations by yourself, because this man is not going to help you with anything. Look for jobs and apartments now.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have another kid??

[Anonymous]

OP-We found out he had a medical issue that led to a lot of the anger issues/not wanting to deal with baby. Before getting treatment, we were told now or never on a second kid because the treatment would affect his ability to have kids. I trusted that his issues would be resolved, per the doctors, and we decided to try for a second kid.

I think the answer here is to go the nanny route. I do feel resentment for giving up my career and want to go back.

[Anonymous]

You don't HAVE to volunteer at school for gods sakes instead of working at a paid job.

Send them to school sick u less they are vomiting or have a high fever.

[Anonymous]

You just do it.

Divorce is awesome.

- so much easier than being a mother to a grown ass man. I’m such a better mom without his constant anger and chaos.

Good luck op. I was home with kids for a decade and am happy to be back!

[Anonymous]

At our school you do have to volunteer. There are minimum hours, which I have absorbed but out my foot down and told him he needs to step up because I cannot be out their networking if I have to constantly be doing things family related.

It looks like the best bet is to get a full time job back and Nanny. I don’t like being dependent and I will then have more leverage on him to do his share of caretaking.

My post was to ask for suggestions on how to manage. My friends in my career either have a husband that is more hands on or they have relatives in town who help out with their kids.

[Anonymous]

How can he force you to go back to work? And you still have a child in diapers? You do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our school you do have to volunteer. There are minimum hours, which I have absorbed but out my foot down and told him he needs to step up because I cannot be out their networking if I have to constantly be doing things family related.

It looks like the best bet is to get a full time job back and Nanny. I don’t like being dependent and I will then have more leverage on him to do his share of caretaking.

My post was to ask for suggestions on how to manage. My friends in my career either have a husband that is more hands on or they have relatives in town who help out with their kids.

Find a new school. Public schools cannot compell you to volunteer. And if by school, you mean a preschool, then the nanny that you will get will care for the children during the day, eliminating the volunteer requirement.

[Anonymous]

First get a divorce and your alimony settlement (he already talked to a lawyer and that’s why he’s pressuring you to get a job) then after it’s final you can seriously start looking for work. Yes, he can get it adjusted after you find work but this will give you the runway you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you have another kid??

She had 2 more...why?