Wife sacrificed career for kids/husband wants her to make more money

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? You basically just need a 40-hr week job plus reliable childcare. If they are not school age yet, a nanny plus backup emergency care. If they are in school, aftercare and camps.

For sicknesses, hopefully you'll find a job with reasonable sick leave. Even if you run through your leave for kid-related stuff, if you're doing your job adequately well, they'll advance you additional leave. Nobody wants to actually fire a decent employee just because they have had to take some extra time off to care for a child.

For everything else that might require your time, you have to cut it out unless essential. No volunteering - don't send your kid to a school that requires parent volunteers.

[Anonymous]

Wait until they are school age.
Get a different job.

I also suspect he is setting you up for a divorce. He wants you to have an income to reduce alimony/CS.

[Anonymous]

Wait until they are school age.
Get a different job.

I also suspect he is setting you up for a divorce. He wants you to have an income to reduce alimony/CS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just do it.

Divorce is awesome.

- so much easier than being a mother to a grown ass man. I’m such a better mom without his constant anger and chaos.

Good luck op. I was home with kids for a decade and am happy to be back!

I will say this is VERY true in my experience.

[Anonymous]

So my husband wants me to pay for more things, but still wants me to take care of our son full time. I cut my 401k contribution completely and work once or twice a month when I can pick up a shift. Cutting my 401k gives me enough cash to pay some bills and still pay for groceries. I also won’t contribute to my son’s 529 this year. This is a temporary solution as I have to eventually restart contributing to my 401k and the 529. If my husband wanted me to actually work full time, I would get a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer and financial planner, now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How are people having so much trouble understanding OP's situation? I travel a fair bit, and DH works long hours. Both kids are in pre-school, but we also still have their nanny (since older DC was a baby) working FT. She does everything from grocery shopping, to cooking, to laundry in addition to drop-off/pick-up at school. But, when I travel, none of that matters. DH still has to step up and take care of the kids in the evening, often come home earlier than he would normally, take days off work if they and the nanny are both sick (happens), etc. And if you don't believe there are DH's who would simply refuse to those things, then you need to spend more time on DCUM reading threads started by frustrated, unsupported mothers.

Then you wouldn’t have chosen to have a second child and increase your burden.

OP explained why she did this. In retrospect, it doesn't seem like the best decision...but her reasoning wasn't insane. She didn't have a second kid blindly. And regardless, her kids are here now. She needs to figure out how to manage with a DH who simply won't help. As someone who travels for work frequently (though usually short, domestic trips), I'm saying that even an awesome FT nanny who's worked for us for 5 years is not enough. If DH didn't share the parenting load, I could not keep my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn to manage. Single mom with executive job.

Who does not also have a husband who is either a mean guy or actually impaired (anxiety which could also be a trigger for the anger) to handle. Plus "learning to manage" could take some time and her fear is a disaster soon out of the dock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait until they are school age.
Get a different job.

I also suspect he is setting you up for a divorce. He wants you to have an income to reduce alimony/CS.

Agreed. Don’t work full time. Maybe get a part time job. When I was contemplating divorce, the lawyer told me not to get a real job until after the divorce. I’m a SAHM now, but have the ability to earn 4x my husband’s salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer and financial planner, now.

A consult with a lawyer will maybe cost you $250. Do it so you know your options if your husband is planning on divorcing you. You don’t want to be blind sighted. Know what you are entitled to and how working full time now will affect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First get a divorce and your alimony settlement (he already talked to a lawyer and that’s why he’s pressuring you to get a job) then after it’s final you can seriously start looking for work. Yes, he can get it adjusted after you find work but this will give you the runway you need.

No, she talked to the lawyer and on that basis decided to stay.

I think I would have chanced delaying the extra child. Treatment for anxiety isn't like, say, testicular cancer. Could also have frozen sperm. Water under bridge.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still married to him????

If you're doing it all yourself anyway, you can do better!!!!

[Anonymous]

NP. I agree it sounds like he's setting you up for divorce and wants to reduce his responsibilities.

I rarely say this, but I'd see a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my husband wants me to pay for more things, but still wants me to take care of our son full time. I cut my 401k contribution completely and work once or twice a month when I can pick up a shift. Cutting my 401k gives me enough cash to pay some bills and still pay for groceries. I also won’t contribute to my son’s 529 this year. This is a temporary solution as I have to eventually restart contributing to my 401k and the 529. If my husband wanted me to actually work full time, I would get a nanny.

Wait, what? I seriously do not understand people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn to manage. Single mom with executive job.

+1

Many WOHMs manage to do that with bailed out DHs and even crappy work situation. If your DH is a hinderance then look into divorce as well.