Family shrinkage

[Anonymous]

My parents are long gone, my siblings, while never close, have moved away. My children live far away, and there will be no grandchildren. Large, vibrant holidays and celebrations have been replaced by dinners with my husband's brother who begins every meal with a racist or homophobic comment. He hates everyone. No kids, no nieces or nephews, no family. My friends have large extended groups- children and grandchildren galore. How do my husband and I start over with a new paradigm? This was not what we thought it would be, but we are willing to except something new.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you start volunteering to help others? Many of my friends are in the same boat. The people who seem to have found the happiest solution are those who help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you start volunteering to help others? Many of my friends are in the same boat. The people who seem to have found the happiest solution are those who help out.

I volunteer (and work) in a critical need area every day. I am not missing things to do. I am missing having a family

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't control everything. Just because you have kids doesn't mean your kids will have kids. Why not appreciate your husband and the time you two spend together?

[Anonymous]

Could you start new traditions with friends or neighbors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are long gone, my siblings, while never close, have moved away. My children live far away, and there will be no grandchildren. Large, vibrant holidays and celebrations have been replaced by dinners with my husband's brother who begins every meal with a racist or homophobic comment. He hates everyone. No kids, no nieces or nephews, no family. My friends have large extended groups- children and grandchildren galore. How do my husband and I start over with a new paradigm? This was not what we thought it would be, but we are willing to except something new.

I am like yourself but am childfree and also an only child. My DH has a sister who lives thirty minutes away and I'm praying that she wont show up for Thanksgiving. I have cousins I have never met and I don't care. Family is who you choose. Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with problematic family members.

[Anonymous]

I have been potlucking with a group of friends for Thanksgiving for years. Some have kids, and some don't. I met a lot of these people doing volunteer work. They are a great group of people.

If you have more than one kid, you could alternate visiting one of them on the holidays. You dont have to stay with them, but can spend some time learning what they like about their cities.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you looking for here? Youve discounted embracing friends and people you meet through volunteering as family...what’s left? Maybe instead of volunteering in a critical need area you can volunteer with children and become close that way. My kids don’t have any grandparents and we’d love to “adopt” a grandma. Or volunteer in a nursing home, probably a lot of lonely people there, too, who could use help.

[Anonymous]

Maybe go to one of your friend’s houses? My grandparents had friends who were childless and always came to Thanksgiving with us. It was lots of fun.

[Anonymous]

Periodically we will have a holiday when we don't have any family around but we have plenty of friends who ask us to join them and their families and we always have a good time. Friends don't want friends to be lonely on a holiday. You just need to drop a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you looking for here? Youve discounted embracing friends and people you meet through volunteering as family...what’s left? Maybe instead of volunteering in a critical need area you can volunteer with children and become close that way. My kids don’t have any grandparents and we’d love to “adopt” a grandma. Or volunteer in a nursing home, probably a lot of lonely people there, too, who could use help.

No she hasn't. She merely says she already volunteers. Don't try to make it fit her problem.

[Anonymous]

Stop the holidays with racist BIL

Go visit your kids. Believe me, kids want their parents to visit, instead of constantly flying to see the parents.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you travel to be with your kids?

[Anonymous]

From the child's perspective, that's why we don't like going home for the holidays. They're small and boring. DH and I have fixed this somewhat by having huge, over the top celebrations with our kids and friends. We call it an orphan Thanksgiving.

We also have 3 kids and are debating having another. I'm an only child and DH only has one sister. No nieces or nephews and holidays are so lonely without all the cousins I grew up with. I'm hoping our kids will choose to have kids too. I wish we'd had siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop the holidays with racist BIL

Go visit your kids. Believe me, kids want their parents to visit, instead of constantly flying to see the parents.

Agreed! But that might just be most kids, not OP's kids.