Family shrinkage

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I went from holidays that were worthy of Martha Stewart with all sorts of extended family when my mother was alive to now just my father and me. We are invited to my brother's for Christmas, and it's a good time with his kids, but after my losing my husband a few years ago (and no kids of our own), I can't believe that what always felt like a time of nothing but family has become so small.

And my dad won't be around forever. Then it will just be me, hoping my brother thinks of me from time to time, otherwise I'm on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I also think we have too many expectations for the holidays. I have learned to enjoy days as they come and any day can be a "holiday" . . . you sometimes have to visit family when it is convenient and make that your "holiday".

This post is not about the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I went from holidays that were worthy of Martha Stewart with all sorts of extended family when my mother was alive to now just my father and me. We are invited to my brother's for Christmas, and it's a good time with his kids, but after my losing my husband a few years ago (and no kids of our own), I can't believe that what always felt like a time of nothing but family has become so small.

And my dad won't be around forever. Then it will just be me, hoping my brother thinks of me from time to time, otherwise I'm on my own.

I am sorry, PP. You have endured quite a loss that you never expected. I am thinking that you will eventually be closer to your brother. Sending a hug.

[Anonymous]

In your shoes I would plant trips for the holidays and see new places.

You may also consider moving to a retirement community where there are always activities and gatherings of people looking for other to things with. In such a community of similarly situated adults, you are only alone when you want to be.

[Anonymous]

I have the same situation. I just super decorate the front exterior of my house to make it look pretty for the neighbours. For Xmas I go to a Chinese buffet restaurant with childless brothers in law, who eat fast, have no conversation skills, then I go home and watch Xmas movies. It's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP. My family has also shrunk dramatically and
I’m sad that my children won’t experience the big family holidays that I did. Now, it’s just my husband, 2 kids, my Dad who’s in declining health, and my widowed MIL. Growing up, my grandparents house was the center of the universe - tons of aunts, uncles, cousins with people spilling out of the house onto the porch, and kids running everywhere.

Life has really changed and I don’t think I’m handling it well. I miss the good old days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP. My family has also shrunk dramatically and
I’m sad that my children won’t experience the big family holidays that I did. Now, it’s just my husband, 2 kids, my Dad who’s in declining health, and my widowed MIL. Growing up, my grandparents house was the center of the universe - tons of aunts, uncles, cousins with people spilling out of the house onto the porch, and kids running everywhere.

Life has really changed and I don’t think I’m handling it well. I miss the good old days.

This was because people didn't move away from where they grew up. Now it's normal for people to move and maybe even abroad. The family structure has also changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP. My family has also shrunk dramatically and
I’m sad that my children won’t experience the big family holidays that I did. Now, it’s just my husband, 2 kids, my Dad who’s in declining health, and my widowed MIL. Growing up, my grandparents house was the center of the universe - tons of aunts, uncles, cousins with people spilling out of the house onto the porch, and kids running everywhere.

Life has really changed and I don’t think I’m handling it well. I miss the good old days.

This was because people didn't move away from where they grew up. Now it's normal for people to move and maybe even abroad. The family structure has also changed.

People moving away as adults is probably the worst societal change that has happened. I predict we will soon start seeing a lot of lonely senior citizens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP. My family has also shrunk dramatically and
I’m sad that my children won’t experience the big family holidays that I did. Now, it’s just my husband, 2 kids, my Dad who’s in declining health, and my widowed MIL. Growing up, my grandparents house was the center of the universe - tons of aunts, uncles, cousins with people spilling out of the house onto the porch, and kids running everywhere.

Life has really changed and I don’t think I’m handling it well. I miss the good old days.

This was because people didn't move away from where they grew up. Now it's normal for people to move and maybe even abroad. The family structure has also changed.

People moving away as adults is probably the worst societal change that has happened. I predict we will soon start seeing a lot of lonely senior citizens.

We already are seeing this trend. It's very American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I also think we have too many expectations for the holidays. I have learned to enjoy days as they come and any day can be a "holiday" . . . you sometimes have to visit family when it is convenient and make that your "holiday".

I agree with this, but also understand the OP. Life changes when your children move away and your parents are gone. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP. My family has also shrunk dramatically and
I’m sad that my children won’t experience the big family holidays that I did. Now, it’s just my husband, 2 kids, my Dad who’s in declining health, and my widowed MIL. Growing up, my grandparents house was the center of the universe - tons of aunts, uncles, cousins with people spilling out of the house onto the porch, and kids running everywhere.

Life has really changed and I don’t think I’m handling it well. I miss the good old days.

I.Get.This.

[Anonymous]

I can’t claim to know the shrinkage part, but I understand the sadness that comes with small holidays. My family is just 3. Me, husband and daughter. Husband and I both come from small quiet families. No relatives live anywhere near us now. We dreamed together that we would have a house filled with kids and never a lonely day, but life didn’t bring us that despite many many years of trying. I’m a bit down already thinking of the quiet Thanksgiving that we will have. I see big families and their festive gatherings and I’m so envious.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. I remember large family get-togethers from childhood through my 30s. Now that my parents and the older generation is gone, our holidays are much more muted and small.

I'm a single parent with one young adult child. She moved back home recently to save money and I'm perfectly happy with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I remember large family get-togethers from childhood through my 30s. Now that my parents and the older generation is gone, our holidays are much more muted and small.

I'm a single parent with one young adult child. She moved back home recently to save money and I'm perfectly happy with that.

Yes, I have one daughter nearby. Thank goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t claim to know the shrinkage part, but I understand the sadness that comes with small holidays. My family is just 3. Me, husband and daughter. Husband and I both come from small quiet families. No relatives live anywhere near us now. We dreamed together that we would have a house filled with kids and never a lonely day, but life didn’t bring us that despite many many years of trying. I’m a bit down already thinking of the quiet Thanksgiving that we will have. I see big families and their festive gatherings and I’m so envious.

Can we adopt you guys? Lol