I am not feeling it for my second grandchild

[Anonymous]

And I feel horrible about it! I love my older grandson more than life itself. I cared for him for the first two years of his life - as an unpaid nanny, I suppose - while my DD and SIL were at work. Then for the next three years, I picked him up from daycare/school once a week at noon and hung out with him thru dinner. This beautiful new grandchild is happy, easy and so beautiful — but my feelings just aren’t there after six months. I put on a show for DD but I’m really starting to worry about it!

I don’t want to give up my time once a week with my grandson and don’t have another afternoon to give to my granddaughter (I went back to teaching). When I see a notification on my phone that there are new pictures in the shared album, I am disappointed when they are pics of my granddaughter and not my grandson.

And I am a typical American mutt so no cultural hanguls about boys being more valuable. I just am so close to my grandson.

I could only admit this on a anonymous forum. Even my DH doesn’t know how guilty I feel.

[Anonymous]

No worries. Give yourself time.

[Anonymous]

You should feel guilty. That's horrible. If you let these feelings and preferences show outwardly, know that your grandaughter will feel it, she will be hurt, and she will remember it.

Speaking from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should feel guilty. That's horrible. If you let these feelings and preferences show outwardly, know that your grandaughter will feel it, she will be hurt, and she will remember it.

Speaking from experience.

I know this. How do I change my feelings?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you trade off your once a week time between your grandchildren? Or split your time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should feel guilty. That's horrible. If you let these feelings and preferences show outwardly, know that your grandaughter will feel it, she will be hurt, and she will remember it.

Speaking from experience.

I know this. How do I change my feelings?

Maybe you can't. But you can control your actions. Look at the pictures. Respond to the texts. Buy gifts in equal measure. Ask about your grandaughter when you talk to her parents, not just your grandson.

Most importantly, take her out for grandma outings, even if you don't feel excited planning them. Spend one-on-one time with her. It can't be equal to/"the same" as what you had with your grandson, but you need to make every effort to spend special time with her.

[Anonymous]

:"I don’t want to give up my time once a week with my grandson and don’t have another afternoon to give to my granddaughter":

So your grandson is about 5 years old now? He should learn how to share grandma with his sibling and not always be the focus of your attention. At least alternate times between the siblings.....it's not all about you.

[Anonymous]

Spend one visit with your grandson, one with your granddaughter. You won't bond with her if you refuse to spend special time with her.

Honestly, I cannot imagine looking at a sweet baby girl and "not feeling it." Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should feel guilty. That's horrible. If you let these feelings and preferences show outwardly, know that your grandaughter will feel it, she will be hurt, and she will remember it.

Speaking from experience.

I know this. How do I change my feelings?

I agree this is pretty awful. Spend more time around her. I can’t imagine spending time with a little baby who is a member of the family and not growing to love her.

[Anonymous]

OP has a different relationship with her grandson because she was his daytime caregiver from birth to two. That connection is far stronger that posters realize.

I think you are going to have to carve out some alone time with the new baby, OP. Don’t stop seeing your grandson for his weekly outings, but find a time for just you and your granddaughter.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this at all. Your granddaughter is only 6 months old? So she’s a baby and you aren’t feeling it?! I truly don’t even get this. I assumed it was a poorly behaved toddler or preschooler. Then at least there is some reason to dislike spending time with the child.

I strongly echo the suggestion to alternate weeks.

[Anonymous]

Consider therapy.

Even if you’re a typical “mutt,” that doesn’t mean you weren’t raised to believe that boys are more important or more valuable. I suspect that you want people on here to tell you that you can’t change how you feel, etc....but you absolutely need to work on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider therapy.

Even if you’re a typical “mutt,” that doesn’t mean you weren’t raised to believe that boys are more important or more valuable. I suspect that you want people on here to tell you that you can’t change how you feel, etc....but you absolutely need to work on this.

Nonsense! OP cares for her older grandchild every day for two years! Of course that is going to be a different bond! I would be shocked if it had anything to do with his sex and I don’t think she needs therapy!

She was alone with her grandson five days a week at least eight hours a day for two years!! That is incredibly bonding!

[Anonymous]

I don’t particularly care for my second grandchild either (both are girls). I fake it. It happens. Give it time, OP. Maybe it will change for you.

[Anonymous]

My guess is OP is a single woman or has a very checked out male partner and like many women, has enjoyed emasculating her young grandson and turning him into a helpless grandmas boy. No chance to render a girl so incapable or getting the emotional intimacy she craves. Get therapy, OP.