I am not feeling it for my second grandchild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP is a single woman or has a very checked out male partner and like many women, has enjoyed emasculating her young grandson and turning him into a helpless grandmas boy. No chance to render a girl so incapable or getting the emotional intimacy she craves. Get therapy, OP.

OMG you are f'd up! Get some help! Good grief!

[Anonymous]

As a grandmother, here's what I consider a worse problem than what you are feeling:

I notice on FB that my DIL posts lots of pics of the new grandchild, who is now almost 2 but this has gone on since she was born, and hardly any of the first, who is 4. She also gushes about how wonderful the new kid is. WTF? I get the definite impression she is very biased toward the younger one. Breaks my heart for the older one. It's one thing for grandma to have the feelings you are having, it's much worse for the mom to prefer one child over the other.

[Anonymous]

I think you sound very self aware and committed to being a good grandparent to both children.

In situations like this you fake it until you make it. You spend equal time with each child. Alternate weeks with each grandchild. I know you don’t want to but you have to. You check yourself to see if you’re being fair by asking if you switched the schedule of granddaughter and grandson time would you be just as happy? Upset? Same with presents and all things grandchild related.

I know that I started enjoying my own children a lot more once they got to be 3 or 4. This was the beginning of all the fun kid activities. I’m not big on the baby/toddler phase but I love kids. Maybe you’re a little like this too?

[Anonymous]

People are being harsh OP, but I felt like this for my second DD, as well. Once she was a little older and engaged more, I started loving both equally. You gotta fake it until you make it, though- which means seriously trying to bond during one on one time.

[Anonymous]

My mom was totally devoted to my firstborn, who happens to be a girl. When my DS was born - almost 6 years later - my mom fell in love with my DS too, mainly because she also took care of him and she loved to see how much affection DD had for her little brother. I think she fell in love with my DS because my DD was in love with him too. It is amazing to see the interaction between siblings and see them become protective about their baby brother or sister.,

OP, if you love your grandson, you will love your granddaughter because she is the baby sister of your beloved grandson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP is a single woman or has a very checked out male partner and like many women, has enjoyed emasculating her young grandson and turning him into a helpless grandmas boy. No chance to render a girl so incapable or getting the emotional intimacy she craves. Get therapy, OP.

Work on your reading comprehension before your fortune-telling, PP.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t feel it for my second born until she was about nine months. That is a truth I have never admitted to anyone before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP is a single woman or has a very checked out male partner and like many women, has enjoyed emasculating her young grandson and turning him into a helpless grandmas boy. No chance to render a girl so incapable or getting the emotional intimacy she craves. Get therapy, OP.

Wow, you have some serious projection issues, PP! You need help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP is a single woman or has a very checked out male partner and like many women, has enjoyed emasculating her young grandson and turning him into a helpless grandmas boy. No chance to render a girl so incapable or getting the emotional intimacy she craves. Get therapy, OP.

Wow, you have some serious projection issues, PP! You need help!

+1. Very scary poster!!

[Anonymous]

Let me give you a different perspective. My dd was clearly “Papa’s girl,” and loved her grandpa like no other from the time she was too little to even put words to her feelings. He was her clear favorite. Now she’s 10 and absolutely loves spending time with grandma and learning things from her. There’s no clear favorite any more. Relationships change. You don’t know your granddaughter like you do your grandson. That will come with time. Just give her plenty of opportunities for bonding. You will fall in love with her too. Your relationship may be different, but that’s okay.

[Anonymous]

Just fake it till you make it. My mom never had a caregiving role for my kids other than occasional babysitting, but I think she prefers my oldest as well. He is 7 now and is so much fun and can do cool stuff with her. My daughter is still a toddler so she hasn’t been able to have as many experiences with grandma yet. I don’t think she loves my daughter any less, but she has more fun hanging out with my son and has had a lot more time to bond with him. I think it’s pretty normal. The dismay at seeing the baby pictures is not good though. Spend one on one time with the baby too!

[Anonymous]

PPs are being too harsh! OP spent 2 years as grandson's primary caregiver but haven't had the chance to develope same type of bond with the younger grand daughter.

OP, I think you have to 'fake it until you make it' and also spend more time with granddaughter to develope a bond. She is still little -- you will get there eventually!

[Anonymous]

That's perfectly fine, OP. Please give it time. My MIL cared for her oldest grandchild when he was born, 24/7, for the first few months of his life, and will always have a particular affection for him, and I understand this. She also babysat her other grandchildren. My kids were born on the other side of the Atlantic, and came she was much older and in fragile health. They don't have the same relationship with her, but it's not her fault. She tries.

Do your very best to bestow attention and affection on all your grandchildren, even if you can't completely hide that you love one more than the rest.

[Anonymous]

Think about how disappointed your grandson's going to be if he ever learns how you feel about his sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spend one visit with your grandson, one with your granddaughter. You won't bond with her if you refuse to spend special time with her.

Honestly, I cannot imagine looking at a sweet baby girl and "not feeling it." Gross.

This. You feel close to your grandson because you spent so much time with him. To feel close to your granddaughter, you need to spend time with her. There's nothing magic about it.