My dd goes to Stanford, she is a freshman and not loving it. She got it on her music merits

[Anonymous]

and probably should have gone to one of the other schools she made it into. The worst part is everyone just assumes she likes it

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the thread about fit being for snowflakes. Tell your DD how lucky she is and her attendance is something many people around the world would kill for.

[Anonymous]

It's only October, so it's still pretty early in her college experience. What elements is she having a hard time with?

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting this. People need to resist the mindset (so prevalent in this area) that ever student should go to the highest ranked school they are admitted to.

For MANY reasons (social, emotional and academic) that may not be the best course of action for your child. Consider them, not how others might rank and stack you or them compared to peers.

(And this is NOT a criticism of the family involved, I just think it is a valuable cautionary tale.)

[Anonymous]

It does take time to adjust to being so far from home OP. Maybe go out and visit if you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Do they get a fall break there? If so, or even for Thanksgiving if not, let her come home. I went across the country for school and was definitely homesick. I was homesick even though everyone else I was with was so excited to be at our T20 school and thought we should be grateful.

I begged my parents to let me fly home for break and they finally relented. It was weird being home. All of my friends were away at their schools and the seniors couldn't really give a crap about the fact I was home. I thought everyone was missing me as much as I was missing them. It wasn't true. Everyone had moved on.

When I went back to school, I had a much fresher, different attitude and worked hard to find my place in my new space. It turned out for the best and I still love my overall college experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the thread about fit being for snowflakes. Tell your DD how lucky she is and her attendance is something many people around the world would kill for.

OP-this attitude represents the attitude of most people, this i'm on an anonymous board and DD doesn't tell anyone how she doesn't like her school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting this. People need to resist the mindset (so prevalent in this area) that ever student should go to the highest ranked school they are admitted to.

For MANY reasons (social, emotional and academic) that may not be the best course of action for your child. Consider them, not how others might rank and stack you or them compared to peers.

(And this is NOT a criticism of the family involved, I just think it is a valuable cautionary tale.)

My family is Indian (South Asian) and my parents would have been very angry if I made it to Stanford and didn't choose to go. It's a matter of cultural values I think. As immigrants, we don't have the social capital of WASPs so we work our asses off to get into the best possible schools. No one asks "How does this school fit you?"- that's just weird.

[Anonymous]

What doesn't she like? My husband went there and I've never met anyone who doesn't think it was great. Is she homesick? What's the issue? Maybe we can help brainstorm ideas for her.

[Anonymous]

A lot of freshman have negative feelings about the first half of the year. Change is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's only October, so it's still pretty early in her college experience. What elements is she having a hard time with?

Yeah, a significant percentage of kids have a tough time adjusting to college for the first few months or more. It's hard to be away from home and forge new social groups. My DD was a freshman last year, and had an extremely thoughtless, annoying roommate and that was a bummer for a while. She didn't feel settled for several weeks.

Is your DD close to her musical group?

[Anonymous]

Many of us tell our children that college was the best time of our lives. That may be true, but it might not be true the first few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the thread about fit being for snowflakes. Tell your DD how lucky she is and her attendance is something many people around the world would kill for.

OP-this attitude represents the attitude of most people, this i'm on an anonymous board and DD doesn't tell anyone how she doesn't like her school

It's 4 years. It's not marriage. She should use Stanford to build connections, network, find good internships and ace her classes. It's a brand-name school and she needs to pull herself together instead of crying to Mommy. I know you love DD but you also need perspective. It's life, you don't have to love every single aspect of it.

[Anonymous]

But guess what. She is allowed to be honest, and express the feelings she is having.

She probably got into this situation by trying to be someone she wasn't.

OMG, why should she live to validate other people's stereotypes. If the school feels like a bad fit for her, that is meaningful. She does not have to pretend according to some script dictated by DCUM.

She needs to get other people to follow, than who ever led her there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What doesn't she like? My husband went there and I've never met anyone who doesn't think it was great. Is she homesick? What's the issue? Maybe we can help brainstorm ideas for her.

She says their is low-key "discrimination" against non-stem kids and the music practice rooms are nearly non-existent and the music talent is just not the same level as the east coast. Met some nice people but isn't having "the time of her life" at least yet