My dd goes to Stanford, she is a freshman and not loving it. She got it on her music merits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What doesn't she like? My husband went there and I've never met anyone who doesn't think it was great. Is she homesick? What's the issue? Maybe we can help brainstorm ideas for her.

She says their is low-key "discrimination" against non-stem kids and the music practice rooms are nearly non-existent and the music talent is just not the same level as the east coast. Met some nice people but isn't having "the time of her life" at least yet

Why must she be having the time of her life? I think we put too high expectations on college to be that (especially with how stressful college admissions are these days). It is a time of your life, and you should strive to do well, which can launch you into a good career, but the expectation that you should be deliriously happy every day just to walk that hallowed ground is too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get this! Why go to Stanford if she wants to study music???
San Francisco Conservatory is the most prestigious in the West Coast and with competitive admissions. If she wanted a regular university setting, then USC is known for its great music program. But Stanford for music? This reminds me of a friend I had who headed to MIT to study music.

Music was her hook to get into a top school, as was your friend's. Then they're shocked the music programs aren't exemplary? Well, that's why they were admitted, to elevate those programs. Otherwise, they would have attended conservatories or schools with top-ranked music programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know an Asian kid who turned down Stanford. Was turned off during visiting day - host didn’t show up despite repeated calls, administration could not be reached, kid plus a dozen others had to sleep on floor near entrance of dorms where other students just stepped over them with no one offering to help, and found the students overly focused on making money. Parents were fine with kid turning down Stanford - kid was a superstar and admitted to HYP also.

I'm the Indian PP. If the kid turned down Stanford for HYP, then that is ok. It's comparable. But not if it's Iowa State, you know what I mean? Some PPs talk about "being true to yourself" and I think your opinion is valid...to you. It's a very American concept to 'find yourself' 'be happy'...and if it's important to you, ok. But that's not what I care about. I care about prestige and I care about marketing myself. Maybe it doesn't fit your American ideals but there's something to be said about the high success rates among Asian immigrants.

Iowa State has a top engineering program and is named one of the happiest schools and best college town year after year. Ironically, not many Asian Americans there. My DC is applying there. Loved the campus.

I guess we are very American. I want my child to be happy and thriving. Not stressed and miserable. And he will make the same amount out of college as an aerospace engineer than someone at MIT. After their first job, the diploma means nothing, especially in engineering.

[Anonymous]

Freshman year is an adjustment. My DC is a first year in NYC and wouldn't want to be anywhere else, but it's not all that was imagined. Though DC has developed a new social circle and activities, the bonds are new and tenuous and not as close as those from high school and summers. Classes are not as interesting as the ones DC sat in on during visits. The saving grace is that DC can take a subway to get away and be in a whole different world.

Your DD is in one of the nicest parts of the world. Make music outside! Befriend the music department secretary or other staffer/non-prof. Volunteer for something in East Palo Alto. Hop Caltrans into SF regularly. Find some surfers and go down to Half Moon Bay. Climb Mt. Diablo with a bunch of seniors from Meetup. If she is like my DC, she'll pooh-pooh those ideas, but might take the gist to heart.

[Anonymous]

I hear that transferring after freshman year can sometimes lead to admission to schools that are more prestigious/selective than what was possible during the regular admissions cycle. It sounds like your daughter has some legitimate complains about resources for musicians not being the best. It may be good to look into a possible transfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the thread about fit being for snowflakes. Tell your DD how lucky she is and her attendance is something many people around the world would kill for.

OP-this attitude represents the attitude of most people, this i'm on an anonymous board and DD doesn't tell anyone how she doesn't like her school

I went to Harvard and didn't love it. Do I regret going there? Not at all. It's ok not to love it. I think when you get into a school that a lot of people want (and you want too), you feel pressure to have the perfect experience. You may have expectations built up in your head. There's issues same as everywhere -- homesickness, bad rooming situation, tough classes, boring classes, not finding your place right away. Hopefully she'll find aspects of it she likes soon, give it some time.

Are you me? I wasn’t as ready as I thought and disliked the experienced. But I don’t regret it at al. The degree opened so many doors.

OP, the first few weeks of college are hard. Your daughter will get her turn in the practice rooms.

[Anonymous]

That was a bad choice on your part, not hers. As mentioned above, kids go to conservatories and other schools with highly ranked music program. She is wasting her talent and time.

[Anonymous]

<<It's a very American concept to 'find yourself' 'be happy'...and if it's important to you, ok. But that's not what I care about. I care about prestige and I care about marketing myself. >>

To some extent, your age is talking. When you are fifty, you will be in a better position to decide if prestige is more important than happiness. I think you will find that the former does not necessarily lead to the latter.

Understanding who YOU are, and what YOU want (independent of your parents and culture) is a worthwhile pursuit...but it may take more growing up for you to realize that. I wish you well , I really do.

[Anonymous]

Stanford “prestige” is absolutely non-consequential in the world of classical music. This argument does not apply.

[Anonymous]

A freshman athlete I know at Stanford is also unhappy. Same type of concerns as your daughter, except about the level at the sport and lack of culture fit as the kid is from a religious background that is socially more conservative.

[Anonymous]

College "fit" is such a freaking joke. All the top colleges have been homogenized, all full of groomed workerbee Tiger Cubs. Only differences are the weather, and that's not an issue at Stanford.

[Anonymous]

I drive a new Range Rover. You'd think it'd be amazing, but there are little things about it that bug me. Would I trade it for a Chevy? Of course not, I'm just saying. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freshman year is an adjustment. My DC is a first year in NYC and wouldn't want to be anywhere else, but it's not all that was imagined. Though DC has developed a new social circle and activities, the bonds are new and tenuous and not as close as those from high school and summers. Classes are not as interesting as the ones DC sat in on during visits. The saving grace is that DC can take a subway to get away and be in a whole different world.

Your DD is in one of the nicest parts of the world. Make music outside! Befriend the music department secretary or other staffer/non-prof. Volunteer for something in East Palo Alto. Hop Caltrans into SF regularly. Find some surfers and go down to Half Moon Bay. Climb Mt. Diablo with a bunch of seniors from Meetup. If she is like my DC, she'll pooh-pooh those ideas, but might take the gist to heart.

I have a friend who went to Stanford and this friend shared that on the outside, it looks very Californian (free spirited, crunchy, and super cool). But beneath the surface, it was just as competitive if not more competitive than East Coast schools, and most people don't realize that until they are there.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people are literally clueless.

You can be somewhere that other people envy, and be miserable. Moving "down" can make a world of difference, if you end up at a place that FITS you (your values, your interests, your comfort zone) better. Why is this concept something to be debated.

It is not all about privilege and materialism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A freshman athlete I know at Stanford is also unhappy. Same type of concerns as your daughter, except about the level at the sport and lack of culture fit as the kid is from a religious background that is socially more conservative.

Surprised to hear that a Stanford athlete would be unhappy with the level of the sport. Is it not highly ranked for pretty much all sports?