Co-worker situation

[Anonymous]

I have a co-workerI am in love with and that I’ve slept with in the past. Amazing, mind blowing sex, and we connect on a million different levels. We communicate everyday, and it’s a mix of work and non-work stuff. For a bunch of reasons we can’t be together right now (we live a few hundred miles away from each other to start). We have always kept things casual/non-exclusive, but a few weeks ago I mentioned that I wasn’t going to wait for co-worker. Co-worker suddenly seems more intererested then previously. Lots of smaller check ins, little affectionate notes and texts, pet names, etc. What is going on here? I seriously love this person and if we could ever move some of the big rocks like the distance, I know we could make it work, but we’ve had hard conversations about these things and neither of us is willing to move and there are a few things that co-worker specifically needs to address before the future unfolds.

[Anonymous]

Don’t shit where you eat.

[Anonymous]

Your co worker isn’t interested in a committed relationship but wants to keep you as either a backup plan, booty call, or just for the ego boost.

Best thing for you to do is cut off all contact except what is needed for work and date other people.

[Anonymous]

And he won’t leave his wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

I’ve learned that, with love, someone needs to take the leap. So if you are in love with this person then just move. It might not work out but what is the point I’m not even trying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a co-workerI am in love with and that I’ve slept with in the past. Amazing, mind blowing sex, and we connect on a million different levels. We communicate everyday, and it’s a mix of work and non-work stuff. For a bunch of reasons we can’t be together right now (we live a few hundred miles away from each other to start). We have always kept things casual/non-exclusive, but a few weeks ago I mentioned that I wasn’t going to wait for co-worker. Co-worker suddenly seems more intererested then previously. Lots of smaller check ins, little affectionate notes and texts, pet names, etc. What is going on here? I seriously love this person and if we could ever move some of the big rocks like the distance, I know we could make it work, but we’ve had hard conversations about these things and neither of us is willing to move and there are a few things that co-worker specifically needs to address before the future unfolds.

You need individual therapy. Why would you ever engage with this? It's very common for people to focus on a long-distance unavailable partnership which is romanticized and all the negatives ignored and positives idealized in order to avoid dealing with real-life romance. Why are you doing this?

The bottom line is you have chemistry but not the necessary day to day compatibility (like having careers in the same city) that is required for a successful relationship. There are plenty of other people you can find chemistry with who will have better day to day compatibility. Throw this fish back (or stop watching it swim around in another tank).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your co worker isn’t interested in a committed relationship but wants to keep you as either a backup plan, booty call, or just for the ego boost.

Best thing for you to do is cut off all contact except what is needed for work and date other people.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And he won’t leave his wife and kids.

Neither of us are married. Both have kids in school and share custody with ex’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And he won’t leave his wife and kids.

Neither of us are married. Both have kids in school and share custody with ex’s.

He already has enough going on. He is not going to want anything lasting with you.

[Anonymous]

Please ignore the bitter Bettys on this forum, OP.

Whatever the situation might be with this guy, you need to have a frank conversation about what you guys want out of this. Playing the guessing game is pointless. If you both want a serious relationship, evaluate how that might work (IF it might work). If you decide to give it a go, do it. If not, probably better to stop seeing each other.

[Anonymous]

Go for it! Burning love comes once in a lifetime. Or so I have heard.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a few PPs.

First of all, getting into a relationship with someone at work is usually stupid at best.

Second, you need to own up to your state of condition. You bother have children, live hundreds of miles apart, and see each other rarely.

My personal takes:

You can’t love someone you see only casually. This goes exponentially for someone with whom you can’t have an actual conversation and make hard decisions with regards to the future of your relationship.

Life isn’t Romeo and Juliet. You have choices. Make them.

Pet names and more texts don’t equate to a future. They equate to someone who doesn’t want to lose their FWB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a co-workerI am in love with and that I’ve slept with in the past. Amazing, mind blowing sex, and we connect on a million different levels. We communicate everyday, and it’s a mix of work and non-work stuff. For a bunch of reasons we can’t be together right now (we live a few hundred miles away from each other to start). We have always kept things casual/non-exclusive, but a few weeks ago I mentioned that I wasn’t going to wait for co-worker. Co-worker suddenly seems more intererested then previously. Lots of smaller check ins, little affectionate notes and texts, pet names, etc. What is going on here? I seriously love this person and if we could ever move some of the big rocks like the distance, I know we could make it work, but we’ve had hard conversations about these things and neither of us is willing to move and there are a few things that co-worker specifically needs to address before the future unfolds.

If you keep things casual/non-exclusive, why would he even think you were going to wait for him anyway? Have you already had some sort of discussion already about becoming exclusive "when the time is right?" If you're casual/non-exclusive, then he already knows you're dating other people and could, in theory, find someone with whom you DO want to become exclusive. So it doesn't make sense that you making that statement would suddenly cause him to become more attentive.

If you live far apart and have children that would likely prevent you from ever being in the same city, it's time to move in. I think the fact that you're in love with him but also say things are casual means that you are likely holding yourself back from finding someone else with whom you'd have better luck at finding commitment.

[Anonymous]

well, if neither of you are willing to move because you have kids, it is time to move on. Spending time worrying about him is blocking you from meeting anyone local. Time to get back to a business-only relationship.

[Anonymous]

At best you're in a friends with benefits situation.