Best friends, sex is great, not "in love" = divorce?

[Anonymous]

My sister is seriously planning to leave her husband because they are not "in love." She says they are best friends, there is no one else she feels more comfortable with, the sex is still great when it happens (about once a week), but they are no longer "in love." I asked her what she thought that meant and she said someone she actually wants to be romantic with and wants to be married to. She said she wants to feel head over heels for the person she is married to.

They have a 6 yo and a 4 yo. I think she is drastically underestimating how hard a divorce and single parenthood will be but she didn't want to hear any of that.

My BIL is a nice guy and I feel bad for him that he doesn't know this is about to wallop him in the face.

But beyond all that, I am confused. If you had asked me before this conversation ~ how was my marriage, I would have said an 8 or a 9. AND I would have said "he's my best friend" and the sex is still great (about once a week). LOL. I thought that was what a marriage was supposed to be more than a decade in? Best friends who decided to be life partners and who like to have sex on occasion. I guess I don't know what the phrase "in love" means.

Do you think most people are "in love" with their spouse after more than 10 years of marriage?

[Anonymous]

Your sister is dumb. For real.

[Anonymous]

Definitely not. I think she is a selfish, deluded idiot. Your marriage is fine.

[Anonymous]

She's interested in someone else.

[Anonymous]

Relationship changes over time in a marriage. She sounds childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's interested in someone else.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should have an idea of the problem you need to solve, but also a realistic idea of how to solve it. Divorce with little kids means no ability to make time. Having two kids means less than ideal figure.

Does she know who she’d like to be with who will return her phone calls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's interested in someone else.

Yup, she's having an affair.

[Anonymous]

I think she needs to consider the *value* of intimacy with someone she trusts and cares for that much. Priceless.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a serial cheater. Therapy before she ruins those kids.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, being "in love" is amazing, awesome. But your sister can't feel head over heels for her husband again. She should go sky diving with him to get her adrenaline pumping. And she should lose the boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think most people are "in love" with their spouse after more than 10 years of marriage?

Truth be told I couldn't care less about other people's personal lives and I certainly am not going to begin comparing one couple to all the other couples out here seeing how everyone's relationship is different.

[Anonymous]

She was never attracted to him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's interested in someone else.

Yup, she's having an affair.

OP here. I don't think this is actively having an affair (I did ask and she said no) but she may have someone in mind. When we were growing up, she was the girl who always had another boyfriend waiting in the wings before she dumped the first one.

I just can't get over the fact that she thinks her marriage is something to be trashed. From the outside, it looks great and from what she says, it is great. Maybe they don't have sex as often as she'd like but I personally don't feel that is something to divorce over. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was never attracted to him in the first place.

THIS

And she's starting to realize she is too young to live the rest of her life in a sexless marriage.