Why I'm going to medicate my kid with ADHD

[Anonymous]

For so long I have resisted. I hate that the school system is not set up to accommodate very active kids (especially boys). I feel like if we lived on a farm, none of this would be an issue. I worry about side effects and unknown long-term effects. I am sick with worry about it.

But our kid is destroying my mental health and our family's ability to function peacefully. Every person in our family is in therapy. My DH and I are also in marriage therapy. My 9 year old kid with ADHD lashes out, lies, sneaks around and generally has little to no self control. He lacks almost any executive function ability. He yells, screams, hits. He obsesses about things to the point of not being able to sleep and being very irritable when things are not going his way. It's September and he's already threatened a teacher, stolen from the classroom, and lied about it. He sneaks food, he sneaks his ipad, he sneaks everything.

We have taken parenting class after parenting class. (At least 7.) We have been in therapy with him for years. I have read a number of parenting books, as has my husband. We give him regular protein snacks, protein at meals. We've cut out artificial flavors and watch his sugar intake (probably still too high but we try). We provide a structured environment. We do positive reinforcement. We make mistakes along the way. I've consulted with a developmental pediatrician. He's had two neuropsych exams. He has a 504. I'm on anxiety medication to make sure I don't transfer my anxieties and anger to him - and to try and help remain calm amidst all the chaos.

Everyone has recommended medication for him - and I just have not been able to do it. But we have an appointment with the psychiatrist next week.

What is the point of this post? I'm not sure. But mostly to say this: Yes, ADHD is overdiagnosed and kids with ADHD are overprescribed. Yes, it's a shame. I agree. But be light on your judgments. Some people are really struggling, even if it's not obvious from the casual observation. I don't think really anyone except a handful of people really understand how devastating this has been to our family.

[Anonymous]

OP, I generally am one who doesn’t like ADHD medication and don’t medicate my son. I think it should be a last ditch resort and is overproscribed.

However, sounds like your family is in the last ditch. No judgment at all. Hugs and crossing my fingers it improves your situation.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you - I really appreciate it. I am judging myself so harshly, and it helps to hear that.

[Anonymous]

The problems he is having with impulse control, irritability, and aggression are not because school makes him sit for too long. Even on a farm, there would be things he would have to do and demands placed on him as part of living with other people. His brain chemistry makes it difficult to manage those demands appropriately. Medication will help. You're doing the right thing to go to a psychiatrist because you might have to try multiple medications before you find what works.

[Anonymous]

You have tried so much....really there is zero reason for you to feel guilt. I know we moms aren’t always rational about that though! Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

The problems he is having with impulse control, irritability, and aggression are not because school makes him sit for too long. Even on a farm, there would be things he would have to do and demands placed on him as part of living with other people. His brain chemistry makes it difficult to manage those demands appropriately. Medication will help. You're doing the right thing to go to a psychiatrist because you might have to try multiple medications before you find what works.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand and I am currently going working through some of the same concerns. As for me persoanlly, I was diagnosed with ADD as an adult and can look back at my childhood and see it all very clearly. Constant state of panic over losing homework every single day, desk, room everything a mess etc...I medicate myself now as an adult, not every day, but its been life changing for the better. I wonder if I had been medicated as a kid how things might have been different. I think I would have had much better grades, been a lot less anxious (which led to anger and lashing out). I think you owe it to your kid to at least try this. Its a disease in the brain and if meds help then its helping your kid. You can always go back off meds! But at least medicating will help him focus enough to begin learning some specific executive function skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For so long I have resisted. I hate that the school system is not set up to accommodate very active kids (especially boys). I feel like if we lived on a farm, none of this would be an issue. I worry about side effects and unknown long-term effects. I am sick with worry about it.

But our kid is destroying my mental health and our family's ability to function peacefully. Every person in our family is in therapy. My DH and I are also in marriage therapy. My 9 year old kid with ADHD lashes out, lies, sneaks around and generally has little to no self control. He lacks almost any executive function ability. He yells, screams, hits. He obsesses about things to the point of not being able to sleep and being very irritable when things are not going his way. It's September and he's already threatened a teacher, stolen from the classroom, and lied about it. He sneaks food, he sneaks his ipad, he sneaks everything.

We have taken parenting class after parenting class. (At least 7.) We have been in therapy with him for years. I have read a number of parenting books, as has my husband. We give him regular protein snacks, protein at meals. We've cut out artificial flavors and watch his sugar intake (probably still too high but we try). We provide a structured environment. We do positive reinforcement. We make mistakes along the way. I've consulted with a developmental pediatrician. He's had two neuropsych exams. He has a 504. I'm on anxiety medication to make sure I don't transfer my anxieties and anger to him - and to try and help remain calm amidst all the chaos.

Everyone has recommended medication for him - and I just have not been able to do it. But we have an appointment with the psychiatrist next week.

What is the point of this post? I'm not sure. But mostly to say this: Yes, ADHD is overdiagnosed and kids with ADHD are overprescribed. Yes, it's a shame. I agree. But be light on your judgments. Some people are really struggling, even if it's not obvious from the casual observation. I don't think really anyone except a handful of people really understand how devastating this has been to our family.

Just wanted to chime in that it is going to be ok. If you kid had diabetes or thyroid you wouldn't question whether or not to give medicine. You just would and wouldn't feel any guilt. Know that the medicine might take time and it might not be the right one at first ( or the right dosage) And also it needs to change with the growth of your kid. Be patient and communicate with the doctor.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a wise decision.

Our family life has been suffering with a less extreme situation, albeit we have more than one child with ADHD and anxiety. It is like a ricochet effect, whenever even just one person in the family does something disruptive due to ADHD or anxiety...there will be a reaction by the others who also have similar problems. It is like having multiple tornadoes under your roof. Even if they are small, each can wreak havoc. It feels very lonely dealing with it.

We started medicating our oldest child and that already has made a world of difference for the dynamic. Getting a second round of tests for younger child who is also having trouble now academically. DH and I should probably be getting some counseling, but DH wont' budge even though he probably needs same medication our oldest has.

Thanks for sharing because so many of us feel alone and like we can't talk about it with anyone, for fear of being judged or that our kids will be judged and excluded more than they already are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a wise decision.

Our family life has been suffering with a less extreme situation, albeit we have more than one child with ADHD and anxiety. It is like a ricochet effect, whenever even just one person in the family does something disruptive due to ADHD or anxiety...there will be a reaction by the others who also have similar problems. It is like having multiple tornadoes under your roof. Even if they are small, each can wreak havoc. It feels very lonely dealing with it.

We started medicating our oldest child and that already has made a world of difference for the dynamic. Getting a second round of tests for younger child who is also having trouble now academically. DH and I should probably be getting some counseling, but DH wont' budge even though he probably needs same medication our oldest has.

Thanks for sharing because so many of us feel alone and like we can't talk about it with anyone, for fear of being judged or that our kids will be judged and excluded more than they already are.

OP here. Thank YOU for sharing. I agree that it's such a ricochet effect - especially when a lot of this is genetic and more than one person in the family has the same issues. After many years of bugging him, my husband finally got diagnosed with ADHD too, and we've talked about him trying medication at the same time as my son. That would be one bright spot for me because I don't worry about the adverse effects as much in a grown adult - and if it could improve some of my husband's behaviors (terrible working memory, anger/impulsivity), I would be thrilled. He has been extremely resistant to medication (and the diagnosis) but has softened some with the thought that maybe it could make our son more interested in taking medication -- to be like his dad. And it could be a bonding experience for them. Yes, I am grasping at straws, folks!! This is my life.

Thank you thank you everyone. I have been crying all morning but am feeling better now reading your messages.

[Anonymous]

OP I tried medicating my son last year and he showed improvements on medication. However, the side effects were so severe that I stopped it. Fast forward to now, school work is really suffering, the behavior is terrible, anxiety is through the roof, he doesn't give a damn about anything. I scheduled an appt with a child psychiatrist and will start medication again. We will try to find something that will not have as many side effects.

I am worried about growth and social-emotional issues while on medication. But I'm also very worried about depression, anxiety and substance abuse later in life if I don't medicate. It's a very hard decision either way and we are all doing our best.

[Anonymous]

Do what you have to do!

But this gave me pause: "He obsesses about things to the point of not being able to sleep and being very irritable when things are not going his way." Is that really an ADHD symptom? Given that some ADHD meds can increase anxiety and aggression, please keep a close eye, and make sure the prescribing doc takes ALL symptoms into account.

[Anonymous]

OP our DS11 just entered middle school and we are also considering medication--now might be a good time to consider it for your DS. His challenges are likely to be harder to address in middle school. The kids are expected to be more independent and executive functioning needs to be at least adequate + the added bonus that my son, at least, is even less open to my guidance.
We can do so much for so long, but the kids are expected and want to be independent at a certain point. We're realizing that medication may be the only way to help my son learn the skills he needs to function without a lot of oversight.

[Anonymous]

I think you are making a great and loving choice for your son.

Make sure you do brace yourself for the first few months of trying to find the correct medication and dosage. Even the most pro medication parents can wind up in tears when they trial a medication and their child turns into a sobbing mess or is awake until 2am, etc. a lot of the side effects pass, and there are a lot of different options. Commit yourself to giving things a real shot for a certain period of time. Also, always start new meds on the weekend so you can observe.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are making a great and loving choice for your son.

Make sure you do brace yourself for the first few months of trying to find the correct medication and dosage. Even the most pro medication parents can wind up in tears when they trial a medication and their child turns into a sobbing mess or is awake until 2am, etc. a lot of the side effects pass, and there are a lot of different options. Commit yourself to giving things a real shot for a certain period of time. Also, always start new meds on the weekend so you can observe.

Good luck!

Meant to also say - know what the deal breaker side effects are for you. In particular, we have had to be very watchful for extreme increases in anxiety and other side effects that could be potentially dangerous.