How can I motivate DH to diet and exercise?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone successfully helped their spouse lose weight? What worked for you? I'm currently in the process of losing weight, to me what worked is self motivation and willingness to learn more about calories and nutrition. DH is also overweight, but he has always been more active than me, so to speak, because he plays his sport once a week, but he is terrible at monitoring his food intake and has low awareness of nutrition, he also overeats.

I keep on telling him that we should both lose weight and that he needs to move a bit more than just playing once a week, he also needs to check his calories, even though I am preparing a balanced lunch and dinner, he needs to control his portions and not cheat on snacks/skip meals. Not sure what else I can do to motivate him to start a habit, at least that's what worked for me. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone successfully helped their spouse lose weight? What worked for you? I'm currently in the process of losing weight, to me what worked is self motivation and willingness to learn more about calories and nutrition. DH is also overweight, but he has always been more active than me, so to speak, because he plays his sport once a week, but he is terrible at monitoring his food intake and has low awareness of nutrition, he also overeats.

I keep on telling him that we should both lose weight and that he needs to move a bit more than just playing once a week, he also needs to check his calories, even though I am preparing a balanced lunch and dinner, he needs to control his portions and not cheat on snacks/skip meals. Not sure what else I can do to motivate him to start a habit, at least that's what worked for me. Advice?

Withhold sex until he complies.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a person who has lost weight/gotten in shape myself and is married to a person who needs to lose weight, no. There isn't really much you can do to motivate him that doesn't create an unpleasant dynamic between the two of you.

If he wanted to, he very likely would have gotten on board with the program you've been using. As it is, you've talked to him about it and he doesn't want to. Nothing you do is going to be successful at getting him to change his behavior and will just make you mad at each other.

[Anonymous]

You don't. No good is going to come out of you nagging him. He will do it when he is ready. He is a grown ass man who knows all of the facts.

Signed - a woman, a wife, a person who lost 70 lbs recently

[Anonymous]

The only thing that helped was I started meal prepping and sending lunch and a snack with him to work. He’s a poor planner and would always buy lunch things at the store, then be dashing out the door without putting it together. I work from home, so I cook my meals throughout the day and make double. He has the extra serving the next day.

I also made it a family affair to walk the dog after dinner. 30 minutes of consistent walking is a surprising boost to overall activity.

[Anonymous]

He needs self-initiated motivation. Sure, you can encourage him, but if he lacks the drive, there's very little you can do to get him on board. Maybe once he see's how fit and flexible you become (due to your working out and dieting), he'll become jealous, and will want to make some changes to his diet. Focus on you first, then let him follow in your footsteps when he's ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone successfully helped their spouse lose weight? What worked for you? I'm currently in the process of losing weight, to me what worked is self motivation and willingness to learn more about calories and nutrition. DH is also overweight, but he has always been more active than me, so to speak, because he plays his sport once a week, but he is terrible at monitoring his food intake and has low awareness of nutrition, he also overeats.

I keep on telling him that we should both lose weight and that he needs to move a bit more than just playing once a week, he also needs to check his calories, even though I am preparing a balanced lunch and dinner, he needs to control his portions and not cheat on snacks/skip meals. Not sure what else I can do to motivate him to start a habit, at least that's what worked for me. Advice?

Withhold sex until he complies.

Don't do this. He'll eventually crave you 100x more once you're fit and glowing. Maybe then, can you slowly get him to exercise and eat healthier.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. There is nothing you can do. They know they need to lose weight and get fit and need to be able to trust you so when they are ready they can come to you and know you won't judge them.

I tried encouraging (and it sometimes rolled over into nagging territory) DH to get fit and eat better/less ... but no. It just annoyed him.

I'm better off leaving him alone and leading by example. He can decide to do it or not. I've pretty much given up.

[Anonymous]

Has he had a doctor checkup recently? I look and feel physically fit and workout 2-3/week but my diet was relatively poor. Once the blood work came back it was a kick in the butt and I've made drastic changes. .

[Anonymous]

Make healthy meals when you are together and try and do exercise together. Do you have kids? Go for a walk together. My wife doesnt like to exercise but we go for a family walk for about 30 mins after dinner most evenings, guess that will stop when its dark at 5pm but I like the fact we do it now. 6 yo DD looks forward to it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone successfully helped their spouse lose weight? What worked for you? I'm currently in the process of losing weight, to me what worked is self motivation and willingness to learn more about calories and nutrition. DH is also overweight, but he has always been more active than me, so to speak, because he plays his sport once a week, but he is terrible at monitoring his food intake and has low awareness of nutrition, he also overeats.

I keep on telling him that we should both lose weight and that he needs to move a bit more than just playing once a week, he also needs to check his calories, even though I am preparing a balanced lunch and dinner, he needs to control his portions and not cheat on snacks/skip meals. Not sure what else I can do to motivate him to start a habit, at least that's what worked for me. Advice?

Withhold sex until he complies.

well, actually you want to flip this around. if he's serious about losing weight, you ramp up the frequency of bedroom activities - and you need to back up any statements with actual action. That was my incentive when DW had a serious health talk with me. I've lost ~25 lbs. in a year and am still very dedicated to working out 4-5 x week (and she can't keep her hands off me so win-win).

[Anonymous]

Nagging him will make it less likely he will do it. Let him come to his own conclusions. Hopefully once you lose weight and look better, he will come around.

[Anonymous]

If it was as simple as someone telling you to do it, why did it take you until now to start?

You couldn’t do it until you were ready to do it for yourself, and you can’t expect anything different from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he had a doctor checkup recently? I look and feel physically fit and workout 2-3/week but my diet was relatively poor. Once the blood work came back it was a kick in the butt and I've made drastic changes. .

+1, bloodwork and the threat of diabetes did it for my husband.

[Anonymous]

Nagging, constant reminders, etc. will have the opposite effect that you intend if he is not already self-motivated.

Do more things together...cook together (or cook for him), go on hikes/walks or otherwise get active together during the week, if you have kids then encourage him to go the gym as a "break", etc. Supportive efforts that won't make him defensive or self-conscious.