Being with someone who's affect you find off-putting
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Anonymous
| Long story short: I've been on 5 dates with someone whose affect is odd. There's no discernible speech impediment (unless he's successfully hiding one with the way he speaks) which is very, very slowly and deliberately, with almost no variance in tone or expression. We met online, and the pre-date messages were great - smart, funny, quick banter. The first 20 minutes of the first date, I actually thought to myself "OMG - he had someone else writing his texts" because he came across as a meathead in person. The longer the date went, and in subsequent ones, it became obvious that he is very smart just like I thought, he just has a very odd way of speaking. I realize there could be potential causes for this beyond it just being "the way he is": as mentioned, managing a speech impediment, medication (a friend's husband who also had a flat affect was on very heavy prescribed psychological meds), etc. If any of those are the case, I'll need to decide when I learn what/why if the underlying reality is I can deal with. For right now, I'm just wondering, absent the reason why, if anyone has gotten used to a peculiar affect of their spouse's that they used to notice. I have one friend with a husband with a lisp, and she swears she doesn't hear it anymore, but one isn't a very large sample size. I like this guy, he treats me well, but I'm not sure I'll get used to the odd speech patterns. |
Anonymous
| He has difficulty speaking, you have difficulty writing. You'll compliment each other and do great things together. |
Anonymous
The only thing OP needed was some paragraph breaks. And since you’re being snarky, it’s “complement”. OP I haven’t experienced this first hand but I imagine it would bother me too. Maybe in another date or so you can broach the subject, perhaps knowing why he speaks that way might help you be less bothered? Don’t know, it’s a tough one. |
Anonymous
| It bothers you, that’s all the information you need. Move on. |
Anonymous
| Five dates in is nothing. Give the guy a chance. |
Anonymous
| Listen to Bob Woodward speak. He speaks slowly, carefully. What about Diane Rehm’s affect? I think you may need to stop judging and start enjoying him. If you can’t do that then obviously move on. |
Anonymous
| If you can’t stand to hear someone speak, do you want to be listening a lot? Personally, I avoid dating New Yawkers. |
Anonymous
| That’s why you don’t rely on the texting pre date banter to set the tone. The person, in person, sets the tone. Ignore the texts. You have no chemistry. Move on. |
Anonymous
| What does affect mean here? Thanks from a non English speaker. (Yes I looked it up in the dictionary already) |
Anonymous
| head injury? ask him? |
Anonymous
Cannot stand Diane Rehm. She should have retired. |
Anonymous
In this instance it’s referring to how someone relays emotion and feeling through their voice, facial expressions, and gestures. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I could not deal with this. I like witty and charismatic men. We all have different needs. Don't feel bad if you don't want what he has to offer. |
Anonymous
| Ask him, politely. Some people speak very slowly and thoughtfully. People born with hearing problems can speak that way. My DH was born with a leg problem and walks with a very obvious limp. It took me awhile to get use to it but he had so many other good qualities I soon forgot about it. If you really like the guy don't worry about it. |
Anonymous
| Why would you want to be with somebody you find annoying? |