Being with someone who's affect you find off-putting

[Anonymous]

The first time my wife (then girlfriend) met my mother, she asked her how long I'd had my speech impediment. Both my mother and I were like "uhh, what are you talking about?".

It turns out I do have a very slight stutter that happens once every few days when I try to speak too quickly. My wife just locked onto it early in our relationship.

We've been together 20 years this year, have two kids, and it has never been an issue for her (that I'm aware of). I think I'm a pretty good husband; we went to Europe 4 times this year, all business class.

Occasionally I'll tease her about her question all those years ago and she'll laugh.

[Anonymous]

^^^Yeah, but in this case OP is talking about a flat affect, not a speech impediment. Probably depression. I'd also move on.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe no one has mentioned the possibility of ASD/Asperger's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe no one has mentioned the possibility of ASD/Asperger's.

Because people throw out armchair diagnoses of being ‘on the spectrum’ or being ‘aspergery’ on this forum as if it’s the common cold. Ridiculous. Antisocial? Must be Asperger’s! Asshole? Must be depressed! Introvert? Must be autistic! Really...people can just be weird or mean or any number of things. Doesn’t mean it’s a medical diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for the input, you've given me lots to consider. Still not sure what I'm going to do. I have tried bringing it up but only in a roundabout way, like when he's made a joke and I didn't realize it, I've said he's hard to read because he's so deadpan all the time. At the time, he said that is because he's shy. That does seem true, he's very proper and formal in a lot of his behaviour/how he phrases things too. I like that in terms of the good manners (which matter to me, and so many people are lacking these days) but it makes it harder to feel connected to/comfortable with him.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a lot of effort for something that will never change. I agree with a PP that said let it go. If it rubs you the wrong way now, even if you rationalize it away and accept it, at some point there is a high risk that you’ll resent this about him and it can exasperate the regular relationship issues that come up over time. You want qualities and characteristics about the other person to be appealing; little things you like can tip the scales of acceptance. Things that irk you inherently can tip the scale toward resentment in a big way long term. To thine own self be true.