My friend cheated on her husband, left him, and is public with AP

[Anonymous]

All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

[Anonymous]

Is she someone you are in contact with outside of FB? Meet up for lunch and ask how she's doing. If all your information is from social media, I'd assume you don't know the whole story and mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

Odds are pretty good that she has or will soon hear from someone in her family if she is all over FB. I'd stay out of it and distance myself from her until she comes to her senses. Her divorce attorney should hit her with a stick for being so stupid.

[Anonymous]

maybe she is now happy and that is ok.

[Anonymous]

What stuff is she posting? Pictures with her boyfriend or details about how her marriage imploded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Do you actually spend time with her in person, or are you just seeing stuff on Facebook?

If she is actually an in-person friend and you are legitimately concerned about her mental health, you could reach out to her with support. Like, "Jane, I've seen on Facebook that there's been a lot going on in your life lately. Are you okay? This all seems very unlike you. I'm here to talk if you need an ear."

If she is just someone you see on FB and don't actually interact with and your concern is that her children will see a side of her that you don't think is appropriate, let her be.

[Anonymous]

When a woman gets fixated on an AP, she does not care about anything else - not even the safety or psychological well-being of her children - and she easily rationalizes her behavior as right and moral no matter how outrageous it is. If you say anything to her, she's just going to tune you out, and you'll hear a lot of bleating about "I wasn't haaaaaappy" and "he's my soul-mate and I deserve a chance at True Love!"

[Anonymous]

IF she's a bestie or close friend, I think you could try to approach the subject gingerly and see how it goes. Be aware that she is likely to not be receptive to your concern for the kids, especially when she's in what people call the "affair fog". She's literally not thinking straight.

[Anonymous]

You could be talking about me...except for the FB part. What you DON’T know is that we’ve been separated for a year and had serious problems for about 4 years prior to that. MYOB, you don’t know the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe she is now happy and that is ok.

And all the psychological wreckage she leaves behind her be damned. Sorry, husband and kids, but the importance of her happiness totally supersedes yours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a woman gets fixated on an AP, she does not care about anything else - not even the safety or psychological well-being of her children - and she easily rationalizes her behavior as right and moral no matter how outrageous it is. If you say anything to her, she's just going to tune you out, and you'll hear a lot of bleating about "I wasn't haaaaaappy" and "he's my soul-mate and I deserve a chance at True Love!"

Not just women. An older man in my family did the same thing and is now public with the other woman.

[Anonymous]

This happened to the parent of one of my kid's friends.

Cheated, separated and moved in new lover all within a month. All chronicled on facebook to show the world how wonderful new lover is.

We pulled back from facilitating friendship between the two kids. The kid is always welcome at our home, but we make up excuses for any invites to the friend's home or invites out that include that include the affair partner.

The parents are only recently separated and not yet divorced. We do not want to condone or normalize that kind of immature, harmful, immoral behavior.

Honestly OP, she won't likely listen to you. She is in the mindset of a teenage kid in a Romeo and Juliet mindset and will listen about as well as a teenager. I would probably fade the friendship until she gets her act together.

[Anonymous]

If she's mostly a fb friend, I would just unfollow. If she's a real life friend, hang out, ask questions to find out how she sees the situation, gently give your feedback as seems appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to the parent of one of my kid's friends.

Cheated, separated and moved in new lover all within a month. All chronicled on facebook to show the world how wonderful new lover is.

We pulled back from facilitating friendship between the two kids. The kid is always welcome at our home, but we make up excuses for any invites to the friend's home or invites out that include that include the affair partner.

The parents are only recently separated and not yet divorced. We do not want to condone or normalize that kind of immature, harmful, immoral behavior.

Honestly OP, she won't likely listen to you. She is in the mindset of a teenage kid in a Romeo and Juliet mindset and will listen about as well as a teenager. I would probably fade the friendship until she gets her act together.

What would “getting her act together” look like to you? Dropping her new partner?

[Anonymous]

Unless you are her very close friend, it's not your place to say anything.