My friend cheated on her husband, left him, and is public with AP

[Anonymous]

What's AP??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Y'all trip me out with this obsession with tactfulness.
If you see a baby left in a hot car do you find a way to "tactfully" tell the parents to get little Johnny out?
Geezus if you're so concerned about the kids then F**K being tactful - say what needs to be said for the sake of the kids.

How is this situation (in which an internet "friend" thinks that the children are going to see pictures of their mom and her boyfriend and be harmed by that) the same as a child being left in a hot car?

It does not need to be said "for the sake of the kids." It just doesn't. Tactfulness in this case would be to mind her own business.

Right! Jeez everyone sure is judge-y. Mind your business. If you don't like seeing stuff then unfollow. Why does her business even matter to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she is now happy and that is ok.

And all the psychological wreckage she leaves behind her be damned. Sorry, husband and kids, but the importance of her happiness totally supersedes yours!

You know nothing of her marriage or relationship.

You don't have to know anything about her marriage to know that cheating and leaving is going to devastate her husband and kids, dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Do you actually spend time with her in person, or are you just seeing stuff on Facebook?

If she is actually an in-person friend and you are legitimately concerned about her mental health, you could reach out to her with support. Like, "Jane, I've seen on Facebook that there's been a lot going on in your life lately. Are you okay? This all seems very unlike you. I'm here to talk if you need an ear."

If she is just someone you see on FB and don't actually interact with and your concern is that her children will see a side of her that you don't think is appropriate, let her be.

I’m a real life friend but not a super close friend. I see her about once a month. One of her kids is friends with mine. I do not care about the marriagefailing. That is between two adults. I do care about the kids who can see Facebook pics that are not very appropriate. Like the two of them in bed but nothing showing. The kids may not understand what’s going on. But what if they do? I was more interested in somehow just getting her to change her privacy settings on Facebook so her kids don’t see.

Of course, I don’t know what she’s saying or showing her kids in real life. Maybe it mirrors her Facebook posts. Her one child has mentioned none of this to my child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you should support your friend. you don't know what abuse she suffered in the marriage. She most likely now feels empowered and is using social media posts to help promote that as an example to other women in her community. As for the kids, if she has a daughter she is showing her daughter how a strong woman takes control of her light. If she has sons then she is illustrating to her sons that they should take better care of their wives.

See, women can rationalize doing anything, and other women will leap to rationalize it for them.

As usual, the default assumption on DCUM is that any problem in a marriage is entirely the man's fault, and anything the woman does is right and empowering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Do you actually spend time with her in person, or are you just seeing stuff on Facebook?

If she is actually an in-person friend and you are legitimately concerned about her mental health, you could reach out to her with support. Like, "Jane, I've seen on Facebook that there's been a lot going on in your life lately. Are you okay? This all seems very unlike you. I'm here to talk if you need an ear."

If she is just someone you see on FB and don't actually interact with and your concern is that her children will see a side of her that you don't think is appropriate, let her be.

I’m a real life friend but not a super close friend. I see her about once a month. One of her kids is friends with mine. I do not care about the marriagefailing. That is between two adults. I do care about the kids who can see Facebook pics that are not very appropriate. Like the two of them in bed but nothing showing. The kids may not understand what’s going on. But what if they do? I was more interested in somehow just getting her to change her privacy settings on Facebook so her kids don’t see.

Of course, I don’t know what she’s saying or showing her kids in real life. Maybe it mirrors her Facebook posts. Her one child has mentioned none of this to my child...

How old are these kids? If they’re old enough for Facebook, they’re presumably old enough to understand. I’m hoping your 8 year olds aren’t on Facebook.

Anyway, I’d mind your own business. You’re not going to get through to her and this sounds like one of these things where you do secretly want to judge but claim it’s “for the kids.”

[Anonymous]

Even though is seems heartless it is super common for new couples to be love-dumb.

Is the problem you feel bad for the husband? Or for the kids? For the former, I wouldn't say anything but for the latter I might, if I were a close friend. I would first ask how her kids are handling it all because it might be a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you should support your friend. you don't know what abuse she suffered in the marriage. She most likely now feels empowered and is using social media posts to help promote that as an example to other women in her community. As for the kids, if she has a daughter she is showing her daughter how a strong woman takes control of her light. If she has sons then she is illustrating to her sons that they should take better care of their wives.

If she has sons then she is illustrating to them that your wife will leave you at the drop of a hat, that she will suffer no social consequences for doing so, and that other women will rally to defend her behavior and attack the husband as an abusive pig. But hey, no worries son, someday you should get married too!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you should support your friend. you don't know what abuse she suffered in the marriage. She most likely now feels empowered and is using social media posts to help promote that as an example to other women in her community. As for the kids, if she has a daughter she is showing her daughter how a strong woman takes control of her light. If she has sons then she is illustrating to her sons that they should take better care of their wives.

One of the more delusional posts I've read on here in some time.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Do you actually spend time with her in person, or are you just seeing stuff on Facebook?

If she is actually an in-person friend and you are legitimately concerned about her mental health, you could reach out to her with support. Like, "Jane, I've seen on Facebook that there's been a lot going on in your life lately. Are you okay? This all seems very unlike you. I'm here to talk if you need an ear."

If she is just someone you see on FB and don't actually interact with and your concern is that her children will see a side of her that you don't think is appropriate, let her be.

I’m a real life friend but not a super close friend. I see her about once a month. One of her kids is friends with mine. I do not care about the marriagefailing. That is between two adults. I do care about the kids who can see Facebook pics that are not very appropriate. Like the two of them in bed but nothing showing. The kids may not understand what’s going on. But what if they do? I was more interested in somehow just getting her to change her privacy settings on Facebook so her kids don’t see.

Of course, I don’t know what she’s saying or showing her kids in real life. Maybe it mirrors her Facebook posts. Her one child has mentioned none of this to my child...

Wait. So you are concerned with a child seeing a picture on FB of their mother and her boyfriend sharing a bed- but you don’t think they see that in real life? And if they don’t, how exactly would they get on FB to see the pics? Who is showing them? This sounds like so much BS. If you judge her choices that’s your business, but this picture thing is weak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

OP, if the kids are too young to be on FB, why are you so worried that they will see these pictures? Like, what is the actual risk here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she is now happy and that is ok.

Typical... a woman can abandon her family and cheat on her husband as long as it makes her happy....

No one should do this with kids. Get divorced in a respectable way, and put your kids first.

I dropped an acquaintance who did something similar. In fact her husband found out via FB with all the photos of the bf next to her.

[Anonymous]

You know this IS a reflection on you, don't you? You stand by this person as "a friend". You're ok with this. I wouldn't be. I mean it's not my business, I wouldn't assume me saying anything to the friend would change any part of her behavior, but I would not align myself any longer as her friend.

[Anonymous]

The see the concern for the FB posts, but do most people care what happens in someone else's marriage - to the extent they would treat the kids differently.

You don't know what's happening on the marriage. If they were working towards divorce, i dont see a problem with the mom moving on and dating. FB might not be the correct forum, but is she required to keep her new partner a secret. On some level that seems more decieptive.

I have a friend who started dating while her divorce was being finalized. I was so happy to see posts of her moving on with her life. Her husband was an abusive d1ck and it took her years to work up the courage to leave him.