My friend cheated on her husband, left him, and is public with AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All happened over the summer. Nobody ever knows what’s going on in someone else’s marriage, but she’s posting this stuff all over Facebook. Where her two kids can see everything. Is there any tactful way for me to approach her about not sucking her kids into this drama just yet? It’s bad enough for them that she up and moved out, leaving them with their father. It’s as if she completely lost her mind...

Do you actually spend time with her in person, or are you just seeing stuff on Facebook?

If she is actually an in-person friend and you are legitimately concerned about her mental health, you could reach out to her with support. Like, "Jane, I've seen on Facebook that there's been a lot going on in your life lately. Are you okay? This all seems very unlike you. I'm here to talk if you need an ear."

If she is just someone you see on FB and don't actually interact with and your concern is that her children will see a side of her that you don't think is appropriate, let her be.

I’m a real life friend but not a super close friend. I see her about once a month. One of her kids is friends with mine. I do not care about the marriagefailing. That is between two adults. I do care about the kids who can see Facebook pics that are not very appropriate. Like the two of them in bed but nothing showing. The kids may not understand what’s going on. But what if they do? I was more interested in somehow just getting her to change her privacy settings on Facebook so her kids don’t see.

Of course, I don’t know what she’s saying or showing her kids in real life. Maybe it mirrors her Facebook posts. Her one child has mentioned none of this to my child...

Wait. So you are concerned with a child seeing a picture on FB of their mother and her boyfriend sharing a bed- but you don’t think they see that in real life? And if they don’t, how exactly would they get on FB to see the pics? Who is showing them? This sounds like so much BS. If you judge her choices that’s your business, but this picture thing is weak.

It's not implausible that the kids or one of their friends could end up seeing pictures of the mom posted on FB. It seems pretty careless for the mother to post such things on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you should support your friend. you don't know what abuse she suffered in the marriage. She most likely now feels empowered and is using social media posts to help promote that as an example to other women in her community. As for the kids, if she has a daughter she is showing her daughter how a strong woman takes control of her light. If she has sons then she is illustrating to her sons that they should take better care of their wives.

One of the more delusional posts I've read on here in some time.

It's unbelievable. She's showing her how loose her mother is, couldn't wait until she divorced to jump into the sack with another man. And zero respect for her kids father or her own children. How about staying single for awhile helping the kids with all the new adjustments. That's what a decent parent does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know this IS a reflection on you, don't you? You stand by this person as "a friend". You're ok with this. I wouldn't be. I mean it's not my business, I wouldn't assume me saying anything to the friend would change any part of her behavior, but I would not align myself any longer as her friend.

Oh good grief. No, it's NOT a reflection on OP that she maintains a casual relationship with the parents of one of her children's friends. Is it your personal policy to cut ties with anyone who has an affair ever? If so, have you actually exercised that policy in your real life? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

OP, if the kids are too young to be on FB, why are you so worried that they will see these pictures? Like, what is the actual risk here?

They have Facebook accounts and are friends with her on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know this IS a reflection on you, don't you? You stand by this person as "a friend". You're ok with this. I wouldn't be. I mean it's not my business, I wouldn't assume me saying anything to the friend would change any part of her behavior, but I would not align myself any longer as her friend.

Oh good grief. No, it's NOT a reflection on OP that she maintains a casual relationship with the parents of one of her children's friends. Is it your personal policy to cut ties with anyone who has an affair ever? If so, have you actually exercised that policy in your real life? I doubt it.

I agree with pp and dumped a friend who had an affair on her husband. I saw other attributes of poor character, didn't want her around me or my family.

[Anonymous]

Casual relationship is like acknowledging a neighbor when you pass on the street. Op has said this is a friend. I would not be friends with this women. Yes, it is my personal policy to severely lessen ties with someone who has an affair. Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

I think the best thing you can do for the kids is just be there for them, especially the child who is friends with yours. Invite them over with you regularly, provide them with a place of stability and model a good, healthy marriage for them. Lend them an ear if they need one. If their mom is completely wrapped up in this whole affair on Facebook, I can only imagine how she is in person. The father may also be dealing with issues of his own-- such as depression-- with the way is not-even-yet-ex-wife is carrying on, so both parents are probably struggling to provide optimal care for their children right now. Give the children a solid landing place.

If you do get together with this friend, and she mentions this fiasco, I would probably say something about having seen the play-by-play on Facebook. I am a millennial and I really do not get this social media over-sharing that everyone seems to do.

[Anonymous]

Good grief...a 9 year old with a FB account already and her mom with questionable judgement is friends with her on there/ Sounds like dysfunction city. Poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

I think the best thing you can do for the kids is just be there for them, especially the child who is friends with yours. Invite them over with you regularly, provide them with a place of stability and model a good, healthy marriage for them. Lend them an ear if they need one. If their mom is completely wrapped up in this whole affair on Facebook, I can only imagine how she is in person. The father may also be dealing with issues of his own-- such as depression-- with the way is not-even-yet-ex-wife is carrying on, so both parents are probably struggling to provide optimal care for their children right now. Give the children a solid landing place.

If you do get together with this friend, and she mentions this fiasco, I would probably say something about having seen the play-by-play on Facebook. I am a millennial and I really do not get this social media over-sharing that everyone seems to do.

NP. This is the most sensible, useful advice so far. OP, do this.

[Anonymous]

No one will tell me what AP is.

[Anonymous]

Maybe affair partner. Finally something you can't find on google!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Yes the kids are under 13. They are older than 8. I’m really not judging the marriage. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage when you are miserable.

I do care about the kids. There are better ways to approach separation and divorce in terms of helping your kids get through it in a healthy way. But even if I care about them, maybe there is nothing I can do for them.

I think the best thing you can do for the kids is just be there for them, especially the child who is friends with yours. Invite them over with you regularly, provide them with a place of stability and model a good, healthy marriage for them. Lend them an ear if they need one. If their mom is completely wrapped up in this whole affair on Facebook, I can only imagine how she is in person. The father may also be dealing with issues of his own-- such as depression-- with the way is not-even-yet-ex-wife is carrying on, so both parents are probably struggling to provide optimal care for their children right now. Give the children a solid landing place.

If you do get together with this friend, and she mentions this fiasco, I would probably say something about having seen the play-by-play on Facebook. I am a millennial and I really do not get this social media over-sharing that everyone seems to do.

NP. This is the most sensible, useful advice so far. OP, do this.

OP here. Yes. This is probably best.

[Anonymous]

Butt out, busybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will tell me what AP is.

Np: based on the responses, you can’t figure it out? It’s “affair partner.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe she is now happy and that is ok.

so you're ok with cheating as long as it's the woman who cheats, not the man. got it.