Uneven allocation of estate between two adult children. Is my allocation fair?

[Anonymous]

Two adult children. One with a few learning disabilities, doing OK but an unclear path. Hard worker and appreciative of support. The second is bright and somewhat gifted but ungrateful and somewhat of a slacker -- once he decides to get with it he can do well financially.

I figure 75% for the child with learning disabilities and 25% for the other.

Does this make sense?

[Anonymous]

Sure, if your goal is to alienate your kids from each other.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are evil. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. That is terrible. What a horrible plan.

[Anonymous]

Really? I thought it made sense practically. I'll reconsider.

-- OP

[Anonymous]

Why would you do this?

A learning disability is not the same thing as leaving more money for the downs syndrome kid or the kid who needs long term care.

This sounds like you are playing favorites OP.

Bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Maybe for every time the slacker says "thank you" or demonstrates grit (s)he gets another percent? But be sure to dock the hard worker if (s)he starts to slack off or be grumpy. Then report their standings to both in a monthly conference call.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you have to make it completely equal. I always tell my children fair isn’t always equal - it’s more about what each one needs. That said, I think you need to approach it in a different manner. If your estate is high value, I would make sure child with disabilities is set up with the support he/she needs and then see what is left and how to split it. The way you are doing it is out of spite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, if your goal is to alienate your kids from each other.

+1

If you are looking to make your legacy about favoring one child, then by all means. Otherwise, OP it should always be even, or you will divide your children long after you are gone. There is very, very old fashioned sentiment about sometimes leaving more to one than another child, but that is usually gender related - and anyone, no matter how old, is generally advised against making a difference between children in today's world, no matter how many or how few assets are involved. And yes, adult children know what you divide up before you died, too - they are not stupid, and they are no longer children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you have to make it completely equal. I always tell my children fair isn’t always equal - it’s more about what each one needs. That said, I think you need to approach it in a different manner. If your estate is high value, I would make sure child with disabilities is set up with the support he/she needs and then see what is left and how to split it. The way you are doing it is out of spite.

+1

If you can not be specific, OP - don't do it.

[Anonymous]

This is basically what will happen in my family. 6 kids. Three w/o SN and 3 with SN. I’ve known since I was in my late teens that this was how it would be. Never discussed it with my two NT siblings, but we three are all self supporting. The other three aren’t, though my sister may get there some day. I don’t mind. In fact, I asked my parents to give my small share directly to my own kids.

[Anonymous]

I always tell my children fair isn’t always equal - it’s more about what each one needs

Any Special Needs aside ---- this is a horrible approach. What will happen with this approach is the quiet child, the child who doesn't speak up and demand more, or who isn't "understood" by the parents because of a different personality, the parents deem them as not "needing" it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the successful child and my brother has the LD. My dad has split is estate into 75/25 like you did.

It doesn't bother me. I know that at some point in my life my brother will be living with me.

[Anonymous]

Totally unfair. Should be 50/50. You have no idea what the future holds for them. You have no idea which one will be ok on his own or which one won’t...they may even alter being ok and then not ok at different stages In their lives. You must be equal and account for all future possibilities.

[Anonymous]

My 4 cousins, who had all gotten along pretty well over the years, just found out that 1 of then got 70% of the estate and the other 3 10% each. Essentially, 3 got to split cash and effects, and 1 got the house and land.

They will never speak to the 1 who knew he was getting everything but didn’t tell them. They feel betrayed and devastated but have no parents to confront. Their children, who had all been decent friends, don’t speak to each other. And it has hurt the extended family as well, as everyone feels forced to take sides or had to divide up family functions.

Don’t do this. It would be better to spend it all now or leave it all to charity.