Help me understand the division of younger moms vs. older moms

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am different, if I connect with a person it usually has nothing to do with age. Are older moms only comfortable being around other older moms? Do younger moms have an issue being in a group with older moms?

[Anonymous]

I’ll bite. When I had my DS I was about 6-10 years younger than the moms (babies the same age) whom I met and eventually befriended. I was a bit more insecure in terms of career and finances, but other than that it didn’t matter at all. Life stage is more important and none of my friends my age had kids or were interested or accommodating in my new life so I needed to make all new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am different, if I connect with a person it usually has nothing to do with age. Are older moms only comfortable being around other older moms? Do younger moms have an issue being in a group with older moms?

I don't think it's as big an issue as some people think it is, though I don't doubt that the people who think it's an issue have personally experienced something that influences their opinion.

In this area, moms skew older. I was a young-looking 28 when my first child was born. The moms of her daycare compatriots were all over 35. They had graduate degrees. I didn't. They were established in their careers for 10+ years. I wasn't. It was a difference in life perspective. Maybe some women would have let that affect the friendships. We didn't. One of my best friends is 15 years older than me and our daughters are the same age.

Meanwhile, in my hometown in the midwest, a lot of my friends from high school had their first babies when we were 21/22 years old. By the time I had my first, they had 2-3 more children and their oldest kids were getting ready to enter middle school. We had similar life perspective issues as a result and also didn't let it affect our friendships.

[Anonymous]

I skew slightly older and it doesn't affect my friendships in the least. I am friends with moms my age, older than me, and one of my closest friends at my youngest kids school is 10 years younger than me.

I tend to gravitate to the moms who are smart, fun, funny, don't take themselves or parenthood too seriously.

That's it. Don't care if you're 30 or 45.

[Anonymous]

This is OP- This is generally how I feel also. There are plenty of people I that I don't connect with, but age has never been a determining factor. Maybe it is just on DCUM that there appears to be such animosity.

[Anonymous]

I was 24 and in law school when my kid was born. I had zero mom friends until he started kindergarten - it was a long lonely journey till then, and I still don't have many good mom friends, and none of their kids are friends with my kid. I was wholly excluded from everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 24 and in law school when my kid was born. I had zero mom friends until he started kindergarten - it was a long lonely journey till then, and I still don't have many good mom friends, and none of their kids are friends with my kid. I was wholly excluded from everything.

Were you able to establish friendships with your child's friend's parents?

[Anonymous]

I don't see it as an issue around me. I think the only time I really see a divide is places like my hometown where the very young (under 24) moms tend to be highly religious. But the divide is a religion issue, not an age one.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and my youngest is 10. Fifth grade.

The only thing I notice that some of the things younger moms worry/care about are the things I no longer worry/care about, if that makes sense. They might care more about making sure their kid having good multiplication skills in second grade, while I'm most concerned about my child having good manners, etc.

They might care more about fitting into a peer group and seem insecure about it, but at this stage of my life I am who I am and I am comfortable with it. If we become friends, terrific. If not, that's fine, too. I can stand alone.

[Anonymous]

Older moms usually have more than 1 kid and that makes their mindset pretty different from a young mom dealing with her firstborn.

[Anonymous]

I have a terrible time guessing age if someone is anywhere between 30-50.

I'm 40 and guess most of my "mom friends" are within 5 years of me on either side. I think that age is just typical in my demographic.

I wouldn't hang out with 20-year-old moms because I honestly don't encounter them.

[Anonymous]

I am an old mom. Before my kids were born, I had a large circle of (childless) friends that spanned generations. So I am comfortable spending time with people of all ages. I have not made many mom friends yet and I cannot imagine that age will play a role (at least not from my perspective).

[Anonymous]

No difference with age; a person is a person. I think the difference is like PP said, in 1st time mom vs. mom with more than 1 kid. Each group might just naturally have more in common. Not that 1 is better than the other just that we might gravitate toward those in similar circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 24 and in law school when my kid was born. I had zero mom friends until he started kindergarten - it was a long lonely journey till then, and I still don't have many good mom friends, and none of their kids are friends with my kid. I was wholly excluded from everything.

Were you able to establish friendships with your child's friend's parents?

Once he was in school, yes. In daycare, no mom's would talk to me or be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and my youngest is 10. Fifth grade.

The only thing I notice that some of the things younger moms worry/care about are the things I no longer worry/care about, if that makes sense. They might care more about making sure their kid having good multiplication skills in second grade, while I'm most concerned about my child having good manners, etc.

They might care more about fitting into a peer group and seem insecure about it, but at this stage of my life I am who I am and I am comfortable with it. If we become friends, terrific. If not, that's fine, too. I can stand alone.

I'm 45 and my kids are 10 and 5, so I'll be like you in 5 years, age 50 with a 10yo. (and a 15yo).