Help me understand the division of younger moms vs. older moms

[Anonymous]

I suppose I am an "older mom", being 46 with a 7 year old...

For me, it just matters that (a) I like the other parent and (b) our kids like each other. My "mom friends" range from 30 - 44, with my closest of the other moms being 35.

Age doesn't really matter, though I definitely find there are some differences in certain situations ... For example, I am not a fan of alcohol at children's events and don't take my son to "family" happy hours, whereas most of the younger moms I know don't have any issues with it. I am not obsessed with my son's education and getting into this or that program, etc. I think, because I am "older" and have parents who I was never close to and are now nearing their end, I hold my family closer and see more value in quality, regular family time vs things like summer camps, after school programs, academic enrichment opportunities, etc. This isn't criticism, just differences I notice among those we know.

[Anonymous]

I think I am considered an older mom, currently 35 year old with a 3 year old & a newborn. The problem is I look young, but I have no common conversation with 20s mom (does not click with them in terms of conservation & their lifestyles, e.g. fashion etc). And, 30s mom think than I don't belong to their group because I don't look matured or act matured enough. So, I mainly only hang out with my college friends with kids now, and we all have similar age kids. We all feel so old mentally and we have shared more interests in common.

I have many coworkers at my workplace that are similar to my age, and they have multiple kids in high school or middle school. And, I am so jealous of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am considered an older mom, currently 35 year old with a 3 year old & a newborn. The problem is I look young, but I have no common conversation with 20s mom (does not click with them in terms of conservation & their lifestyles, e.g. fashion etc). And, 30s mom think than I don't belong to their group because I don't look matured or act matured enough. So, I mainly only hang out with my college friends with kids now, and we all have similar age kids. We all feel so old mentally and we have shared more interests in common.

I have many coworkers at my workplace that are similar to my age, and they have multiple kids in high school or middle school. And, I am so jealous of them.

Where on earth do you work that you have 35 year old coworkers with high schoolers??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am considered an older mom, currently 35 year old with a 3 year old & a newborn. The problem is I look young, but I have no common conversation with 20s mom (does not click with them in terms of conservation & their lifestyles, e.g. fashion etc). And, 30s mom think than I don't belong to their group because I don't look matured or act matured enough. So, I mainly only hang out with my college friends with kids now, and we all have similar age kids. We all feel so old mentally and we have shared more interests in common.

I have many coworkers at my workplace that are similar to my age, and they have multiple kids in high school or middle school. And, I am so jealous of them.

Where on earth do you work that you have 35 year old coworkers with high schoolers??

I'm not that PP, but I have 35yo colleagues with high schoolers. One of my good friends at work had a baby when she was 20. She went to college, then grad school, and now her child is 15 and in high school. This is at a non-profit in DC.

[Anonymous]

Now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding age a bigger factor in making mom friends. Again, some of it is life stage, but some of it is just outgrowing some typical mom conversations. I don't shun anyone or refuse to have play dates or anything, but the people I'm likely to be actual friends with for myself are closer to my age than they were when I first started having babies 10 years ago and didn't care much.

Here are some of the reasons I've started to gravitate more toward people within 10 years of my age again (I'm 46, my youngest is 3.5):

We're done having babies; they're still considering another, maybe a few years down the road.

We're actively thinking about retirement; they're thinking about launching and rebuilding careers.

I'm in perimenopause; they're still weighing the long-term birth control options.

Our parents are entering their 80s, with all the things that go along with that; they still (for the most part) have parents in their 60s and 70s.

I'm back at work in a much increased capacity and loving it; many of them are still conflicted about work or weighing the SAH options.

I'm 46, I can't drink alcohol anymore, and I'm not interested in late night anything; many of them are still actively involved in the music/club/bar scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older moms usually have more than 1 kid and that makes their mindset pretty different from a young mom dealing with her firstborn.

This is what I notice. I'm pretty middle of the pack for DC - I am 34 with a 2 year old and most first time toddler moms are within a year or two of me. The only time I notice age is when I'm with an older mom who has a toddler and older kids. It's usually more about the difference in parenting stages than age though.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t experienced a divide. I had twins at 33. I feel like I can identify with both older and younger. We are all moms!!

[Anonymous]

I'm an older mom, in fact older than most. We adopted an infant last year and I just turned 50 a few weeks ago. Other than the fact I wasn't breastfeeding, I bonded with all the moms in my PACE group as well as the moms in my neighborhood. Age just isn't an issue at all.

[Anonymous]

At least in this area, I felt like a very young mom having my first at 31 which was funny to me. I agree it's more about common interests and number of kids or parenting stage as some called it. Most of my mom friends were like me and having their first a few years ago and are now thinking about/pregnant/just had their second. All under 40, so yes, maybe that's DC "young mom" bracket. ha

[Anonymous]

It depends not on the number of kids but which kid you're on, in my experience.

I'm on my third kid. I can't hang with the first-time moms. Lovely people but we're just on different pages. Our priorities, concerns, challenges, and conversation topics are different at this point, which is totally normal. I was them at some point and now I'm not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I am considered an older mom, currently 35 year old with a 3 year old & a newborn. The problem is I look young, but I have no common conversation with 20s mom (does not click with them in terms of conservation & their lifestyles, e.g. fashion etc). And, 30s mom think than I don't belong to their group because I don't look matured or act matured enough. So, I mainly only hang out with my college friends with kids now, and we all have similar age kids. We all feel so old mentally and we have shared more interests in common.

I have many coworkers at my workplace that are similar to my age, and they have multiple kids in high school or middle school. And, I am so jealous of them.

Where on earth do you work that you have 35 year old coworkers with high schoolers??

This is common where I live. A lot of girls get pregnant as unmarried teenagers/early 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and my youngest is 10. Fifth grade.

The only thing I notice that some of the things younger moms worry/care about are the things I no longer worry/care about, if that makes sense. They might care more about making sure their kid having good multiplication skills in second grade, while I'm most concerned about my child having good manners, etc.

They might care more about fitting into a peer group and seem insecure about it, but at this stage of my life I am who I am and I am comfortable with it. If we become friends, terrific. If not, that's fine, too. I can stand alone.

+1. Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose I am an "older mom", being 46 with a 7 year old...

For me, it just matters that (a) I like the other parent and (b) our kids like each other. My "mom friends" range from 30 - 44, with my closest of the other moms being 35.

Age doesn't really matter, though I definitely find there are some differences in certain situations ... For example, I am not a fan of alcohol at children's events and don't take my son to "family" happy hours, whereas most of the younger moms I know don't have any issues with it. I am not obsessed with my son's education and getting into this or that program, etc. I think, because I am "older" and have parents who I was never close to and are now nearing their end, I hold my family closer and see more value in quality, regular family time vs things like summer camps, after school programs, academic enrichment opportunities, etc. This isn't criticism, just differences I notice among those we know.

You sound like zero fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that my kids are getting older, I'm finding age a bigger factor in making mom friends. Again, some of it is life stage, but some of it is just outgrowing some typical mom conversations. I don't shun anyone or refuse to have play dates or anything, but the people I'm likely to be actual friends with for myself are closer to my age than they were when I first started having babies 10 years ago and didn't care much.

Here are some of the reasons I've started to gravitate more toward people within 10 years of my age again (I'm 46, my youngest is 3.5):

We're done having babies; they're still considering another, maybe a few years down the road.

We're actively thinking about retirement; they're thinking about launching and rebuilding careers.

I'm in perimenopause; they're still weighing the long-term birth control options.

Our parents are entering their 80s, with all the things that go along with that; they still (for the most part) have parents in their 60s and 70s.

I'm back at work in a much increased capacity and loving it; many of them are still conflicted about work or weighing the SAH options.

I'm 46, I can't drink alcohol anymore, and I'm not interested in late night anything; many of them are still actively involved in the music/club/bar scene.


I agree with all of this.

I just turned 50 and have a 9 year old. I certainly don't shun anyone and welcome playdates with any child my DC likes/wants to know better. However, the older I get the more my perspectives and conversations are changing. Its impossible to talk to to someone in their 30's about retirement plans/goals/etc. Its just not a "real" or relatable topic for them. Also, the parenting stage is huge. When in a group of moms with babies/toddlers I have very little to talk about. While I can relate to what they are feeling and going through, unless they have an older child it's impossible for them to understand anything about my current parenting challenges or choices.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird that you all have to have mom friends. Virtually all women are capable of and have babies. Does that mean you have to hang around with all women? If the only thing you have in common with another woman is that you both have children, that’s weird virtually all women are capable of and have babies. Does that mean you have to hang around with all women? If the only thing you have in common with another woman is that you both have children, that’s no basis for a friendship.