Little sister is acting out

[Anonymous]

My parents didn’t make much money and what little they had they spent on my college education. By the time my younger siblings were college age, my parents were older and the funds dried out. As such, my second oldest sister put herself halfway through college. She graduated and is doing well now.
My youngest sister flunked out of an exoensive private school that my parents sent her too because she showed academic excellence in middle school. My dad flushed what little savings and retirement savings he had to put her through. His reasoning was that she was academically gifted, she could get a scholarship to a good college. However she fell into the bad crowd, flunked high school and then wound up bumming out for a few years. She didn’t want to go to community college, she partiesnit up and focused on her music and art. She also got a part time job at a school as a kindergarten assistant. She is surprisingly good at it.

Meanwhile all her peers have graduated college and are now starting jobs. For the first time it has hit her that she screwed up. She is deviated at being so behind. And now instead of enrolling in a community college she is yelling at our parents for being poor and not financing her education. She tells my dad he is a user and tells my mom she shouldn’t have had kids if they couldn’t afford it. She wants an all paid enrollment at any four year institution so she can have the college experience. I tell her to enroll in a college and pay her way through. She says I have no right to speak to her as her family screwed her over.

What to do?

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it completely - this is between her and your parents.

[Anonymous]

Your parents screwed this up royally.

[Anonymous]

This little sister is a spoiled brat for saying those things to your parents. Tell her she owes them a big apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents screwed this up royally.

So how is this statement in ANY way helpful to the OP? Maybe dad wasn't wise (in retrospect, when hindsight is perfect 20/20) to put the few remaining eggs in the private high school basket for the youngest DD, and his gamble that she'd get scholarships for college didn't pay off, but it wasn't a screw-up. Sounds like little sister is the one who has blown things and now is avoiding responsibility for that and laying all blame on mom and dad for not being rich.

OP, this is between her and your parents of course, and not about you; however, I do understand it must be tough for you to see her lashing out so nastily at your parents. It sounds as if she wouldn't listen to you, so in your shoes I would focus on giving your parents your support. Let them know that you see how she's treating them, and YOU think they did their best. Your other sister should do the same.

I'm not clear on one important thing: Is youngest sister living with mom and dad right now? If so, that needs to change. If she's not working and contributing to the household (either by paying rent, however low, or by doing specific chores EVERY week to take those chores off your parents' hands), there needs to be a talk about a deadline for that happening. I admit, I'd be concerned,with her partying history, that if she moved out entirely she would be partying more and fall into a drugs/drink/party life from which she might not climb out. But she can't live with your folks and spew anger at them over their not being wealthy. So...IS she living with them now?

[Anonymous]

Part of this is on your parents. She should have stayed in public and they should have paid for each kid to go to the state university to save cost. They should not have paid for you and not the others. That is really crappy. You should have helped your siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents screwed this up royally.

So how is this statement in ANY way helpful to the OP? Maybe dad wasn't wise (in retrospect, when hindsight is perfect 20/20) to put the few remaining eggs in the private high school basket for the youngest DD, and his gamble that she'd get scholarships for college didn't pay off, but it wasn't a screw-up. Sounds like little sister is the one who has blown things and now is avoiding responsibility for that and laying all blame on mom and dad for not being rich.

OP, this is between her and your parents of course, and not about you; however, I do understand it must be tough for you to see her lashing out so nastily at your parents. It sounds as if she wouldn't listen to you, so in your shoes I would focus on giving your parents your support. Let them know that you see how she's treating them, and YOU think they did their best. Your other sister should do the same.

I'm not clear on one important thing: Is youngest sister living with mom and dad right now? If so, that needs to change. If she's not working and contributing to the household (either by paying rent, however low, or by doing specific chores EVERY week to take those chores off your parents' hands), there needs to be a talk about a deadline for that happening. I admit, I'd be concerned,with her partying history, that if she moved out entirely she would be partying more and fall into a drugs/drink/party life from which she might not climb out. But she can't live with your folks and spew anger at them over their not being wealthy. So...IS she living with them now?

Uh, instead of giving 3 kids 1/3 of a college fund they gave 100% to one kid? My 5 yo understands fairness better than this. I am LOLing at the OP’s hand ringing about what she should do. Unless she wants. To help pay for college, she should butt out.

[Anonymous]

She should have secured scholarships with her smarts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents screwed this up royally.

So how is this statement in ANY way helpful to the OP? Maybe dad wasn't wise (in retrospect, when hindsight is perfect 20/20) to put the few remaining eggs in the private high school basket for the youngest DD, and his gamble that she'd get scholarships for college didn't pay off, but it wasn't a screw-up. Sounds like little sister is the one who has blown things and now is avoiding responsibility for that and laying all blame on mom and dad for not being rich.

OP, this is between her and your parents of course, and not about you; however, I do understand it must be tough for you to see her lashing out so nastily at your parents. It sounds as if she wouldn't listen to you, so in your shoes I would focus on giving your parents your support. Let them know that you see how she's treating them, and YOU think they did their best. Your other sister should do the same.

I'm not clear on one important thing: Is youngest sister living with mom and dad right now? If so, that needs to change. If she's not working and contributing to the household (either by paying rent, however low, or by doing specific chores EVERY week to take those chores off your parents' hands), there needs to be a talk about a deadline for that happening. I admit, I'd be concerned,with her partying history, that if she moved out entirely she would be partying more and fall into a drugs/drink/party life from which she might not climb out. But she can't live with your folks and spew anger at them over their not being wealthy. So...IS she living with them now?

Yes. She lives at home with them. She never co tributes to anything but us so rude to them and Bullies them.

I feel so bad for them. they don’t deserve this.

[Anonymous]

They should ask her to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents screwed this up royally.

So how is this statement in ANY way helpful to the OP? Maybe dad wasn't wise (in retrospect, when hindsight is perfect 20/20) to put the few remaining eggs in the private high school basket for the youngest DD, and his gamble that she'd get scholarships for college didn't pay off, but it wasn't a screw-up. Sounds like little sister is the one who has blown things and now is avoiding responsibility for that and laying all blame on mom and dad for not being rich.

OP, this is between her and your parents of course, and not about you; however, I do understand it must be tough for you to see her lashing out so nastily at your parents. It sounds as if she wouldn't listen to you, so in your shoes I would focus on giving your parents your support. Let them know that you see how she's treating them, and YOU think they did their best. Your other sister should do the same.

I'm not clear on one important thing: Is youngest sister living with mom and dad right now? If so, that needs to change. If she's not working and contributing to the household (either by paying rent, however low, or by doing specific chores EVERY week to take those chores off your parents' hands), there needs to be a talk about a deadline for that happening. I admit, I'd be concerned,with her partying history, that if she moved out entirely she would be partying more and fall into a drugs/drink/party life from which she might not climb out. But she can't live with your folks and spew anger at them over their not being wealthy. So...IS she living with them now?

Yes. She lives at home with them. She never co tributes to anything but us so rude to them and Bullies them.

I feel so bad for them. they don’t deserve this.

You get she's upset you are the favorite and she wasn't treated equally.

[Anonymous]

Children are never identical, even twins.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how your young sister's fights with your parents involve you in any way. Stop rubbernecking.

[Anonymous]

The longer she keeps living with your parents,
the harder it'll be for her to move out. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your parents screwed this up royally.

So how is this statement in ANY way helpful to the OP? Maybe dad wasn't wise (in retrospect, when hindsight is perfect 20/20) to put the few remaining eggs in the private high school basket for the youngest DD, and his gamble that she'd get scholarships for college didn't pay off, but it wasn't a screw-up. Sounds like little sister is the one who has blown things and now is avoiding responsibility for that and laying all blame on mom and dad for not being rich.

OP, this is between her and your parents of course, and not about you; however, I do understand it must be tough for you to see her lashing out so nastily at your parents. It sounds as if she wouldn't listen to you, so in your shoes I would focus on giving your parents your support. Let them know that you see how she's treating them, and YOU think they did their best. Your other sister should do the same.

I'm not clear on one important thing: Is youngest sister living with mom and dad right now? If so, that needs to change. If she's not working and contributing to the household (either by paying rent, however low, or by doing specific chores EVERY week to take those chores off your parents' hands), there needs to be a talk about a deadline for that happening. I admit, I'd be concerned,with her partying history, that if she moved out entirely she would be partying more and fall into a drugs/drink/party life from which she might not climb out. But she can't live with your folks and spew anger at them over their not being wealthy. So...IS she living with them now?

Yes. She lives at home with them. She never co tributes to anything but us so rude to them and Bullies them.

I feel so bad for them. they don’t deserve this.

They kind of do for such blatant favoritism. It is easy for you to say they don’t deserve it, your college was paid for.