Hidden emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee, if he gives you silent treatment, your kids will have noticed.

My dad used to do this when he got upset. I didn't realize it was abuse at the time, but I always noticed when it was happening and felt the tension.

He'd do it for a few days and then one day just magically start talking.

The most vivid thing I remember about 9/11 is that my dad was giving the silent treatment at the time. My mom was in Boston for work and grounded there. She had a cellphone and my dad did as well, but my siblings and I didn't. His phone rang a few times and it was her number, but he wouldn't answer or let us answer. She finally got through on the landline hours later to speak with me and my siblings. He wouldn't speak with her.

At some point did you and your subs get therapy? wit

Did you date and marry similar men to your father (silent, no emotion, emotionally abusive, doesn’t talk much, etc.) ?

Or did you go with the opposite?

In my experience, I see more women than men giving violent treatments and that's an emotional abuse. Women are also the one that holds sex in lieu of something else which is messed up and an abuse.

And who are you?

I am a woman and have seen it more with women who also gets sympathy very easily. Certainly, they are not stronger for physical abuse but way ahead in emotional. Have seen it with my sisters and have to just shake my head with all the non-sense. Most of it is hidden as was the case with my BIL. Horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No I won’t list examples and and the dirty details. I don’t care that people here want to do the same thing to me that he has done for years (spin it so it looks like my anger at his crap is the cause of the problem instead of my Anger being the result of the things he does )

I don’t need DCUM to confirm this is emotional abuse and really happening , and no it’s not rolling of the eyes . I wish. It’s a persistent pattern of severe disrespect in many forms and it has only gotten worse as I don’t just keep my mouth shut and still be the doormat like I used to.

My only reason for posting was to see if anyone had any experience about the “hidden” aspect of it all. But true to form, DCUM didn’t disappoint by acting like jerks .

I was on your side until you posted this, playing the victim because a couple people asked for examples since your post was so vague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds hereditary- his father, him, possibly your difficult youngest daughter or the sons.

Read up on NT/AS relationships or www.theneurotypical.com

Does he have any deep or meaningful relationships? Or just talk shop or TV shows or news articles? Can he discuss anything if feelings are mentioned or involved? Or stonewall or get angry and deflect?

NP here. OP, I empathize because I have posted before, and gotten the "DCUM Treatment" (in short, gaslighting for being gaslit). I was actually reluctant to post, until I saw so many PP's in the same situation. All the intangibles, all the social and emotional issues that come about as a result of being with someone like this, for so long.

This PP's posting really helped, and reignited my interest in the subject. Some periods are worse than others, and (for example) being around DH's family brings out the worst in him, because they constantly treat him as a second (or third or fourth) thought. They do not include him in family events (before DCUM tries to pile it on, as they do - it has nothing to do with me, I get along with his family just fine). So many items on the referenced list (posted above) - naively gullible; terrible driver (her gets screamed at constantly on the road, it is dangerous), oblivious to others' feelings, touch averse, poor impulse control, "lack of understanding that they don't understand", they are always right, interpret everything literally, do not take your existing knowledge into consideration, rigid routines, same foods every day, present as "Mr. Nice Guy", same phone game for hours upon hours upon hours each day, emotional deprivation, fooling marriage counselors into taking their side, and more.

Sadly, the NT spouse gets the brunt of the rage (unable to process emotions properly or without rage). And yes, one or both of his parents are the same. I suspect that DC may have been lucky to have escaped, but DH still tries to triangulate, and creates a volatile situation whenever possible. If I left, the kids would have no college, frankly (I have run the numbers, before DCUM tries to pee on that, too).

It is always a relief to find out you are not alone in this terrible situation, OP. We didn't ask for this. Research will tell you that spouses with these traits are perfectly capable of presenting normally (ie: when dating).

OMG. Every single one of these describes my husband. I'm sort of shocked seeing this in writing describing anyone other than him. This is oddly validating and supremely sad all at once. I'm going to dive into those resources. But literally Every. Single. One. of those traits he possesses. Sigh....

Welcome to getting out of the fog in high functioning autism and verbal abuse.

You again. You know *****nothing**** about autism. Stop stomping on a vulnerable population that already struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee, if he gives you silent treatment, your kids will have noticed.

My dad used to do this when he got upset. I didn't realize it was abuse at the time, but I always noticed when it was happening and felt the tension.

He'd do it for a few days and then one day just magically start talking.

The most vivid thing I remember about 9/11 is that my dad was giving the silent treatment at the time. My mom was in Boston for work and grounded there. She had a cellphone and my dad did as well, but my siblings and I didn't. His phone rang a few times and it was her number, but he wouldn't answer or let us answer. She finally got through on the landline hours later to speak with me and my siblings. He wouldn't speak with her.

At some point did you and your subs get therapy? wit

Did you date and marry similar men to your father (silent, no emotion, emotionally abusive, doesn’t talk much, etc.) ?

Or did you go with the opposite?

In my experience, I see more women than men giving violent treatments and that's an emotional abuse. Women are also the one that holds sex in lieu of something else which is messed up and an abuse.

And who are you?

I am a woman and have seen it more with women who also gets sympathy very easily. Certainly, they are not stronger for physical abuse but way ahead in emotional. Have seen it with my sisters and have to just shake my head with all the non-sense. Most of it is hidden as was the case with my BIL. Horrible.

Those pesky emotionally abusive women expecting their husbands to pick up after themselves and parent the kids. Yelling at those nice laid back do-nothing misogynistic husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee, if he gives you silent treatment, your kids will have noticed.

My dad used to do this when he got upset. I didn't realize it was abuse at the time, but I always noticed when it was happening and felt the tension.

He'd do it for a few days and then one day just magically start talking.

The most vivid thing I remember about 9/11 is that my dad was giving the silent treatment at the time. My mom was in Boston for work and grounded there. She had a cellphone and my dad did as well, but my siblings and I didn't. His phone rang a few times and it was her number, but he wouldn't answer or let us answer. She finally got through on the landline hours later to speak with me and my siblings. He wouldn't speak with her.

At some point did you and your subs get therapy? wit

Did you date and marry similar men to your father (silent, no emotion, emotionally abusive, doesn’t talk much, etc.) ?

Or did you go with the opposite?

In my experience, I see more women than men giving violent treatments and that's an emotional abuse. Women are also the one that holds sex in lieu of something else which is messed up and an abuse.

And who are you?

I am a woman and have seen it more with women who also gets sympathy very easily. Certainly, they are not stronger for physical abuse but way ahead in emotional. Have seen it with my sisters and have to just shake my head with all the non-sense. Most of it is hidden as was the case with my BIL. Horrible.

Those pesky emotionally abusive women expecting their husbands to pick up after themselves and parent the kids. Yelling at those nice laid back do-nothing misogynistic husbands.

It could be from anything and not just what you said. If anyone has to improve themselves and their living situations the start looking into your faults too. Both men and women could be emotionally abusive and this is coming from me as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. My xH was emotional abusive yet also extremely charming and got everyone to turn against me - family, friends, even my own family. Our child is still young and I have zero doubts that as she gets older, he’ll do the same to her (in fact, he’s flat out told me he will). All I can do is take the high road and hope she figures it out. My own parents were divorced, and it was obvious which parent truly cared about us (never talked poorly about the other) and which one just had an axe to grind (constantly talked poorly about the other)

FWIW, one of my good friends was severely physically abused by her H for years, before he finally almost killed her (and was imprisoned for it) and she left. People didn’t believe her, either. Their entire church turned against her and sided with the H, flat out told her they didn’t think the abuse ever happened even though there was tons of medical and police documentation. He had a personality disorder and was extremely manipulative. So physical abuse doesn’t even mean that people will understand, often they’ll deny it happened or blame the victim for pushing the abuser too far.