Anonymous wrote:Together 25 years married 19. Recently separated as DH has moved out of the marital home. Been miserable for seven years and thought for many years that I could stay for the kids. Married to a depressed person who focused on everything we didn't have, everything he didn't accomplish, everything I am not, and all of the reasons why I'm the reason we haven't progressed in life.
In everyone's eyes, DH is the perfect husband and father. What people didn't see was how living with someone who is inherently unhappy can really tear you down and make you anxious. They project their insecurities onto you; especially if you're someone who is inherently happy and doesn't worry much. It's almost like my optimism was met with skepticism and judgment because he resented me just being a happy person. I didn't realize it because I was, stupidly, swayed by someone who was seemingly committed, didn't cheat, went along with the program and was generally passive. Sex was not good. He can be boring, not spontaneous and very predictable. He's very judgmental and I've always felt like I didn't measure up to his high moral and financial standards.
I finally decided that enough was enough. It mattered less to me that my children would be devastated by the separation because I was becoming physically impacted by the stress and I was really worried that I have a heart attack or a stroke because the stress was eating me alive. I haven't known this kind of peace in years. In spite of the fact that I am worried about finances and growing old without any sort of companionship or intimacy, I am so happy. There are still many things to figure out but this first step was a big one.
OP, you will know when you know and no one on an anonymous message board will change your mind. Good luck. There is peace, self-worth and happiness on the other side.
How old are your kids?
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