Why is it okay to make comments like this regarding women who are 30 + and single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

YES. And, there is a lot of insecurity ~ think about it, single childless women at 37 probably look a lot better and are way more financially independent than the average DCUM SAHM posting on here all day while her husband is off at the office (with old, attractive, single hussies like the OP ) ~ so a lot of it is insecurity.

A single woman who didn't have to "make the man her plan" is an outlier, a threat/challenge, and always a target.

ROFL that's my age and no way am I envious of my single peers.

Girl, I'm 41 and think I look better than many of the single women my age despite apparently being a married old hag with a kid.

Though I also don't criticize or make fun of women for being over 30 and single. I honestly don't think it's a big deal. I think most of the negativity happens when someone posts about being unhappily single but then seems to have unreasonable expectations about dating or finding a committed partner. It's not that people assume a single woman of a certain age is automatically inferior. It's that if a person says they are in their mid to late 30s, want to be married or headed that way, but then reject the idea that they might need to be more open-minded about potential mates, it's just frustrating, especially when you are trying to help someone in good faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find these conversations funny - are Elizabeth Hurley, Naomi Campbell, AOC, Krysten Sinema to be pitied because they never married?

What if you only had a 3-year starter marriage like Padma Lakshmi?

What if you got married late and never had kids like Kamala Harris?

What if you've been divorced or 'single' for over a decade like Katie Couric?

What if you married a douchebag like Meghan Edmonds King or Kate Gosselin + forced to raise 3-10 kids on your own?

Wake up.

While I don't agree with all of your examples, you've set up a false equivalency here. All of your examples turn on the facts of the specific situation. Here, the comments OP quotes were from threads where some woman essentially posts, "OMG, OMG, OMG, why am I in my thirties and not married?" The point that all of the posters quoted is that in that situation, introspection is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

NP. But you are still so desperately insecure that you felt like you had to share this!

I’ll place the bets her husband cheats on her every chance he gets. Young women burst old lady bubbles all the time. Keep up with your travel in your busy life I’ll keep him busy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

Then PP ain't talking about you. But a hit dog will holler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

I know someone like this. She always talks about “someday when I have kids”…she just turned 43 and is not currently dating anyone. She really, really wants to be a mom but she has this crazy list of dealbreakers for men she’ll consider dating/marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

I know someone like this. She always talks about “someday when I have kids”…she just turned 43 and is not currently dating anyone. She really, really wants to be a mom but she has this crazy list of dealbreakers for men she’ll consider dating/marrying.

Or they date someone who is far removed from their lifestyle, like a biker or someone in prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

I am not who you are responding to...but me too...same as you (published widely, masters, career, master's etc.)...you got lucky in founding a mate though. I'm divorced. It was an awful marriage and biggest mistake I made. Ironically, I did not aim to get married to begin with. I should have stayed single. Not everyone gets lucky in the mate department--even if it looks right on paper or in public.

Is presenting at an international conference an achievement? It happens pretty much with everyone these days so I would consider it like dime a dozen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

I am not who you are responding to...but me too...same as you (published widely, masters, career, master's etc.)...you got lucky in founding a mate though. I'm divorced. It was an awful marriage and biggest mistake I made. Ironically, I did not aim to get married to begin with. I should have stayed single. Not everyone gets lucky in the mate department--even if it looks right on paper or in public.

Is presenting at an international conference an achievement? It happens pretty much with everyone these days so I would consider it like dime a dozen.

There's got to be some kind of prize for how awful that comment is.