Why is it okay to make comments like this regarding women who are 30 + and single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

YES. And, there is a lot of insecurity ~ think about it, single childless women at 37 probably look a lot better and are way more financially independent than the average DCUM SAHM posting on here all day while her husband is off at the office (with old, attractive, single hussies like the OP ) ~ so a lot of it is insecurity.

A single woman who didn't have to "make the man her plan" is an outlier, a threat/challenge, and always a target.

[Anonymous]

Wow. So many married women here are SO smug about their good luck at finding a mate in time. I hope karma gets you.

[Anonymous]

I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

And none of this has to do with the obvious misogyny in the OP. But kudos for you for not going on a misogynistic tirade in real life I guess.

[Anonymous]

OP has a weird chip on her soldier. No one is safe on this ride and every group gets their share of difficult to hear but mostly true comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Why is OK to say a thing like that about married women either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Why is OK to say a thing like that about married women either?

Oh so it's a problem because it's directed at you? While I broadly agree we don't need to attack each other for different choices , pp' s point is more factual than calling someone weird or a crazy cat lady because they are not married at an arbitrary age. . Just a few posts above you is a comment from a woman whose upset her friends don't do what she thinks they should what she would have done in order to get married. It literally infuriates some women that other women don't want to settle for what they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

This. And what many DCUM harpies don’t want to admit to themselves that it is because they are not accomplished that they are not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

NP. I agree with this. It is incomprehensible to some women that not every woman wants to get married.

I will never, ever forget when one of my closest male friends told me - in our 20s - that I'd better hurry up and settle down because all the good ones were going to be taken. He was bitterly divorced by the time I did get married in my late 30s. (He's doing ok now - new partner who is also divorced; they seem good together - but, ya know.)

Anyway, just to say - people generally have a hard time imagining anyone making a different life choice than they did. Or having different priorities. Or things not working out ofr them the same way. I think you might be sensitive to the comments about being married because it's on your mind - but it's not just re: getting married. It's anything that you are doing at a different pace, or in different ways, than what they perceive to be "normal."

To heck with them.

[Anonymous]

It's not OK, I think the people posting this are misogynists angry at their ex-wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

What are they doing that is getting in the way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: Ask yourself this, would any of these comments be made to the person's face at a dinner party? Of course not! It's rude and this is the internet where people feel free to say things they would not say in person.

That said, women's sexual market value does tend to decline as they get older. Men's sexual market value declines with age too, but because mens sexual market value is more heavily influenced by earning potential, the decline is slower and indeed rises to some extent through their 30s-early 40s.

That's where you are wrong people do say stuff like this face to face. I also don't think it's okay to post hateful and misogynistic things online just because it's anoumous. Toxic is toxic.

Really! People say "Why would a great catch of a man waste his time on an older woman? Open your dating pool before you become the cat lady." to someone's face? Perhaps this happens, all kinds of things go down between people, but who thinks that is ok? I also said it was rude in my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: Ask yourself this, would any of these comments be made to the person's face at a dinner party? Of course not! It's rude and this is the internet where people feel free to say things they would not say in person.

That said, women's sexual market value does tend to decline as they get older. Men's sexual market value declines with age too, but because mens sexual market value is more heavily influenced by earning potential, the decline is slower and indeed rises to some extent through their 30s-early 40s.

That's where you are wrong people do say stuff like this face to face. I also don't think it's okay to post hateful and misogynistic things online just because it's anoumous. Toxic is toxic.

Really! People say "Why would a great catch of a man waste his time on an older woman? Open your dating pool before you become the cat lady." to someone's face? Perhaps this happens, all kinds of things go down between people, but who thinks that is ok? I also said it was rude in my post.

Frankly, I did tell a friend of mine who was 36 that if she genuinely wanted to be married and have children, she needed to stop outright excluding guys that were coming through on her dating app just because they were balding, or “too short” (at perfectly reasonable heights like 5’10”), or were divorced or had kids. She was mocking and rejecting perfectly decent-looking guys with good jobs who sounded nice, warm and fun for superficial reasons. And to be honest, yes, you lose the capacity to be super picky the older you get, because the older you are the less you will attract guys who want to have children. Who wants to start off a fertility journey with someone in her late 30s/early 40s? That’s just stacking the deck against yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um. It ISN’T okay. It’s super rude.

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the OP: Ask yourself this, would any of these comments be made to the person's face at a dinner party? Of course not! It's rude and this is the internet where people feel free to say things they would not say in person.

That said, women's sexual market value does tend to decline as they get older. Men's sexual market value declines with age too, but because mens sexual market value is more heavily influenced by earning potential, the decline is slower and indeed rises to some extent through their 30s-early 40s.

That's where you are wrong people do say stuff like this face to face. I also don't think it's okay to post hateful and misogynistic things online just because it's anoumous. Toxic is toxic.

Really! People say "Why would a great catch of a man waste his time on an older woman? Open your dating pool before you become the cat lady." to someone's face? Perhaps this happens, all kinds of things go down between people, but who thinks that is ok? I also said it was rude in my post.

I'm guessing you weren't single in your late 30s next people are that rude to your face. Just like they are rude to mother's who make different choices than them