Why is it okay to make comments like this regarding women who are 30 + and single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends IRL who insist they want to get married and have kids, ask to be set up, etc., and then make various choices that make it less and less likely every year that this will happen. This drives me nuts. These are women who would make great partners and mothers, in addition to the other things they are doing in their lives. I want them to find what they want. And I don't feel like I can say to them, "hey, what are you doing?" Heck, there are men I feel similarly about -- they have somewhat less of a clock, but it's still there. Online, where there's anonymity, is the place where you are more likely to have people tell you the truth about the behavior you're engaging in and how it's not consistent with your professed goals. That there are trade-offs, and trying to check off all of your boxes is likely to keep you single - which is fine if you're ok with that.

What are they doing that is getting in the way?

For women, the big things I see are wasting time with someone who isn't available for the kind of relationship they want, or looking for a set of qualities that's just going to be really hard to find. For men, it's also being extremely picky, as well as not doing basic things like taking better profile pictures. Also, the involuntarily single men I know could more easily improve their appearances/dress and actually go places where they might meet single women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

I am not who you are responding to...but me too...same as you (published widely, masters, career, master's etc.)...you got lucky in founding a mate though. I'm divorced. It was an awful marriage and biggest mistake I made. Ironically, I did not aim to get married to begin with. I should have stayed single. Not everyone gets lucky in the mate department--even if it looks right on paper or in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

I am not who you are responding to...but me too...same as you (published widely, masters, career, master's etc.)...you got lucky in founding a mate though. I'm divorced. It was an awful marriage and biggest mistake I made. Ironically, I did not aim to get married to begin with. I should have stayed single. Not everyone gets lucky in the mate department--even if it looks right on paper or in public.

People aren't married on paper or in public. Marriage is the real life ecstasy and grind of being with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you even read this site? Every hour people are making snarky comments about others…women who SAH, women who WOH, wives who gained weight, dads who work long hours, men who don’t earn high salaries, people who live in PG county, parents who send their kids to public school, people who enjoy vacations at Disney…the list goes on. Try having the self confidence to not care what random losers wasting time on the internet have to say about your choices.

It's not that I take it personally. . But why is it okay to be casually misogynistic? I guess you must partake in it since you want to downplay it?

It is interesting that you incorrectly assume I participate in these snarky comments when I simply provided an alternate point of view. It must be pretty hard going through life feeling the need to attack everyone who expresses a viewpoint that is slightly different than your own.

Guess what, I agree with you that some (not all) of these comments are casually misogynistic. But, so is society and these comments say more about the person making these comments than it does me. DCUM is filled with casual racism, classism, misogyny, misandry, and ageism. I appreciate that people feel free to express their true viewpoints since they have the perception that they are anonymous. In all seriousness, perhaps you should seek a different online community that is more supportive and heavily moderated to filter out rude and mean comments. I hope that you are feeling better soon.

[Anonymous]

This whole board can be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

NP. So.... you dabbled in being your own person before getting married? Congrats.

[Anonymous]

I know a number of forever single women who refused to settle. I envy them. -divorced

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on this board like to be snarky at times. You have to take the bad with the good.

Stop using the word super. Women do this all the time and you sound like a 14 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a number of forever single women who refused to settle. I envy them. -divorced

This.

The lie is that women hit a wall - did anyone see the Friends reunion? All extremely wealthy people in their fifties, and the women looked farrrr better than the men.

The cat lady myth is perpetuated to keep women accepting poor behavior from men, just so they won’t be single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a number of forever single women who refused to settle. I envy them. -divorced

This.

The lie is that women hit a wall - did anyone see the Friends reunion? All extremely wealthy people in their fifties, and the women looked farrrr better than the men.

The cat lady myth is perpetuated to keep women accepting poor behavior from men, just so they won’t be single.

Look, if it's working for you, terrific. No one owes anyone else a date. If your romantic options are worse than being single, you should be single. (Although maybe also think about how you can improve your romantic options.) But for whatever reason - and we don't need to agree on why - young women have substantially more options than young men, and this reverses with age. Of course there is variation person-to-person. But if you're looking around as a 35-year-old woman, and you want kids, and you don't like your romantic options, they're probably not going to get better as you get older, so you should figure out your priorities and be honest with yourself about them.

On the plus side, older single women do a lot better socially and health-wise than older single men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

YES. And, there is a lot of insecurity ~ think about it, single childless women at 37 probably look a lot better and are way more financially independent than the average DCUM SAHM posting on here all day while her husband is off at the office (with old, attractive, single hussies like the OP ) ~ so a lot of it is insecurity.

A single woman who didn't have to "make the man her plan" is an outlier, a threat/challenge, and always a target.

ROFL that's my age and no way am I envious of my single peers.

[Anonymous]

This thread is just one hypocritical mess. The bitter singles are complaining about the comments made to them while slinging their own mud? Please, you get what you give. Your attitude is probably what's holding you back from being happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a number of forever single women who refused to settle. I envy them. -divorced

This.

The lie is that women hit a wall - did anyone see the Friends reunion? All extremely wealthy people in their fifties, and the women looked farrrr better than the men.

The cat lady myth is perpetuated to keep women accepting poor behavior from men, just so they won’t be single.

LOL @ citing the Friends reunion!!

Super topical and relevant reference point. Not at all like you’ve been sitting alone in an apartment for 30 years…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a number of forever single women who refused to settle. I envy them. -divorced

This.

The lie is that women hit a wall - did anyone see the Friends reunion? All extremely wealthy people in their fifties, and the women looked farrrr better than the men.

The cat lady myth is perpetuated to keep women accepting poor behavior from men, just so they won’t be single.

Look, if it's working for you, terrific. No one owes anyone else a date. If your romantic options are worse than being single, you should be single. (Although maybe also think about how you can improve your romantic options.) But for whatever reason - and we don't need to agree on why - young women have substantially more options than young men, and this reverses with age. Of course there is variation person-to-person. But if you're looking around as a 35-year-old woman, and you want kids, and you don't like your romantic options, they're probably not going to get better as you get older, so you should figure out your priorities and be honest with yourself about them.

On the plus side, older single women do a lot better socially and health-wise than older single men.

I’m married and have kids, but I stand by my PP. Most men are not worth a second look, much less the honor of having a wife and their genes carried on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is full of women whose greatest (and perhaps only) accomplishment was getting married. They literally can't understand women who didn't make The Ring their one and only goal.

Before I married, I had secured a successful career, published bylines in The Washington Post, presented at am international academic conference, earned a Master’s degree, developed close friendships, maintain close family relationships, learned three languages, and traveled the world. And yes, now I also have a husband and children.

Sorry to burst your jealous bubble.

NP. But you are still so desperately insecure that you felt like you had to share this!