Mom in trouble for leaving 4 year old with 14 year old sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That mom is awfully lucky she's white.

Why? Her whiteness didn't stop them from arresting her, putting her in cuffs and charging her.

If the mom was black the 911 caller would have already been named and shamed as Nosy Nellie for not just letting her neighbor live. This mom got no special treatment in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

This. The rest of the world still allows children to go outside and nothing happens to them most of the time. The neighbors and other kids look out for the kids.
They should have had door locks up high, so the kids can't get out. The 14 year old should feel bad. How do you not help your own mother out?
I took care of 150 cows at 14 from 8 pm to 4 am. None of them escaped.
This country is a horrible place to raise children. Those kids are old enough not to need a babysitter and going outside at 4 means the kids is just looking for a playmate and his sister will get him when she notices that he is gone, which seems to have happened quite fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a nightmare neighbor. Why take the child inside and immediately call police instead of walking him back home safely?

This.

Wish we could charge the neighbor with something so this nonsense stops.

So do both of you choose to ignore the statement that the 14 year old found the child within 10-15 minutes? So she had no idea where the child was for 10-15 minutes. That girl should not be babysitting her sibling. She is not responsible enough. And you have no idea how long the child was gone the first time the complaint was filed.

Why didn't the neighbor just text the sister, if this is so emergent? Calling the police is a wildly outsized response to a preschool-aged child going to the neighbor's.

Would you let your child go to the neighbor's house if the child was not wanted there? Sure we all wished we lived in a neighborhood with kind and warm neighbors. Unfortunately, this woman does not live in such a neighborhood. And she already knows that. She should pay closer attention to her child. If that means having a more vigilant babysitter, then she needs to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old playing next door with a neighbor is not a 911 worthy emergency. We live in a society in which neighbors get each other arrested rather than help each other.

“You’re the parent! Be a parent!”—The Shame Harpies
“Get a job. No more free rides! My tax dollars.” —The Other Shame Harpies

Agree. The 5 year old next door knocked on our door to ask to play with my 4 year old. I asked him if his parents knew that he left, and he said no. I told him to go back home, then texted his mom. It never crossed my mind to call the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old playing next door with a neighbor is not a 911 worthy emergency. We live in a society in which neighbors get each other arrested rather than help each other.

“You’re the parent! Be a parent!”—The Shame Harpies
“Get a job. No more free rides! My tax dollars.” —The Other Shame Harpies

This! Stuff like this happened all the time in my middle class, small town neighborhood growing up. Kids showed up at other people's houses, neighbors would check in with parents (or an older sibling if the parent was at work, which was not uncommon) to make sure they knew the kid was over. The end. Sometimes you'd wind up with a parent or sibling who wasn't great at watching their kid, and neighbors would need to be a bit more vigilant, but people barely even considered this annoying -- the point was to take care of the kids in the neighborhood. No one called the cops.

Now, I actually think there are situations where it would have been good to call the cops, because I also grew up in a time where there was a lot of corporal punishment and I actually wish there had been more social reprobation for doing that. But kids playing at a neighbor's house? On what planet is that even a problem?

This is how kids develop some sense of independence. Some free range parenting stuff is absolutely crazy but the basic idea of letting kids have some independence is good. There is no way her son can develop some independence now unless mom or the neighbor moves away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

This. The rest of the world still allows children to go outside and nothing happens to them most of the time. The neighbors and other kids look out for the kids.
They should have had door locks up high, so the kids can't get out. The 14 year old should feel bad. How do you not help your own mother out?
I took care of 150 cows at 14 from 8 pm to 4 am. None of them escaped.
This country is a horrible place to raise children. Those kids are old enough not to need a babysitter and going outside at 4 means the kids is just looking for a playmate and his sister will get him when she notices that he is gone, which seems to have happened quite fast.

This is what we have. Also we have the door chimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

So why did your parents even bother to ask your 11 year old brother to watch you? If escaping and going outside to play are the same thing, they should have just left you outside with food on the counter/steps.

Your parents (along with mine and most people on this board) were careless. We know better now. Yes, the neighbor should not have called the police. However, the 14 year old should either keep an eye on the 4 year old or not babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

So why did your parents even bother to ask your 11 year old brother to watch you? If escaping and going outside to play are the same thing, they should have just left you outside with food on the counter/steps.

Your parents (along with mine and most people on this board) were careless. We know better now. Yes, the neighbor should not have called the police. However, the 14 year old should either keep an eye on the 4 year old or not babysit.

NP. And yet here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a nightmare neighbor. Why take the child inside and immediately call police instead of walking him back home safely?

This.

Wish we could charge the neighbor with something so this nonsense stops.

So do both of you choose to ignore the statement that the 14 year old found the child within 10-15 minutes? So she had no idea where the child was for 10-15 minutes. That girl should not be babysitting her sibling. She is not responsible enough. And you have no idea how long the child was gone the first time the complaint was filed.

She may have checked around the house and yard first before going to the neighbors. That could be part of the 10-15 minute time frame that they are referring to in the article.

Kids at that age like to hide. There have been stories of parents who panicked and called for help only to find out that the kid was still in their house when help arrived.

My little brother LOVED to hide from everyone at this age. It was a huge problem because it was impossible to know if he was actually missing or simply huddled in a hiding spot, listening to us look for him and laughing to himself. It cause several very stressful scares that absolutely involved the neighborhood looking for him. Everyone knew he liked to run off and hide and could be hard to find.

No one EVER called the cops on our family over this, whether it was my mom at home with him or one our older siblings, which was very common -- my mom would leave us with our teenage siblings all the time so that she could do things like go to parent-teacher conferences, take a part-time shift somewhere, etc. Our neighbors would help us look for him, or let us know they'd call if they saw him. They would never have called the cops. That would have been bizarre and made what was already a frustrating situation much worse. I can remember one situation where my mom called the cops herself because we couldn't find him after a certain amount of time and she was terrified. Very different situation.

This kid was never actually missing. He was next door. What in the hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

This. The rest of the world still allows children to go outside and nothing happens to them most of the time. The neighbors and other kids look out for the kids.
They should have had door locks up high, so the kids can't get out. The 14 year old should feel bad. How do you not help your own mother out?
I took care of 150 cows at 14 from 8 pm to 4 am. None of them escaped.
This country is a horrible place to raise children. Those kids are old enough not to need a babysitter and going outside at 4 means the kids is just looking for a playmate and his sister will get him when she notices that he is gone, which seems to have happened quite fast.

You were abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That mom is awfully lucky she's white.

Why? Her whiteness didn't stop them from arresting her, putting her in cuffs and charging her.

She would certainly get a lot more understanding here if she weren't white. Then she'd be just trying to do her best to provide for he children in difficult circumstances. But because she's white, she must be privileged and "trash" as someone else put it above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, DCUMland would surely clutch their pearls at my upbringing. I’m the youngest of four and the oldest was watching us by the time he was 11. Back then, “escaping” was just called going outside to play.

So why did your parents even bother to ask your 11 year old brother to watch you? If escaping and going outside to play are the same thing, they should have just left you outside with food on the counter/steps.

Your parents (along with mine and most people on this board) were careless. We know better now. Yes, the neighbor should not have called the police. However, the 14 year old should either keep an eye on the 4 year old or not babysit.

NP. And yet here we are.

We can say that about everything - smoking cigarettes, car seats, vaccines etc. Right?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bitter ex-husband behind this. Maybe he and the neighbor are friends or he's a cop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few thing...

1. I don't think we are getting the full story
2. It seems like an over reach on the LEO side.
3. This is the second time the 4 year old escaped. While I completely agree that a 14 year old is able to watch their sibling (I was babysitting at that age) it actually requires her to watch the sibling.

Hopefully the charges are dropped and hopefully this is a lesson for the 14 year old that she needs to watch the 4 year old more closely.

After the first time the 4yo escaped the 14yo, 14yo shouldn't have been babysitting for a long time.

Agreed… Like maybe a year?

For a 14yo who was getting paid or some kind of privilege? I was thinking 2-3 months would be plenty of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Her 4-year-old son briefly got out of his older sister’s sight and wandered over to the neighbor’s house to play with his friend, according to Henderson."

Oh, wow. He didn't escape in general. He left the house to visit his friend without telling his sister. That's not GREAT but it's certainly not negligence.

I'm genuinely confused by many of the responses here. Did none of you babysit as teens? Were none of you left in the care of older cousins or siblings?

Oh, and the point about this being click bait because the mom is white and Southern and conventionally attractive. You are right, of course, but if we need a "perfect victim" better understand how cops abuse their power, then so be it.

The issue is that the 14yo had no clue.