How to deal with being the "poor" family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a grip. You're rich. You are jealous of richer people. Get over yourself.

I was at 280k combined income with ex in late 40s.

I am now divorced and happier than you with my 100k job. You live in a bubble and you need to stop being jealous of other richer people. You are better off that MOST people.

Yeah but you are old and bought a house when homes were cheap. Changes entire life trajectory.

I am not old. I did not buy when houses were cheap. I just bought.

So you never owned a house when you were married?

Yes, I owned a house. He kept it. I did not get half. Only bought it 3 years ago. No growth in equity to sell. Only in the house 18 months then divorced. We moved a lot. I also paid off 70k in student debt from
1999 by age 31. I am early 40s. I do not have wealth like op. At all. I still managed to buy a townhouse 6 months ago. I have no great windfall due to age. Way to make huge assumptions. I have a kindergartener. No where close to being a grandma (ex is late 40s). It is not like we owned a house for years and years and had a lot of equity like you assume. Not the case. OP has no reason to complain.

So you bought your first house and had first kid in your 40s? Yeah, there is sure more to your story.

NP. This is fairly common for people with PhDs (especially dual career), it takes so long to find permanent jobs for two in the same place, and they often don't pay as well as fields like consulting, sales, law. I often feel like the "poorer friend" compared to my doctor and lawyer friends in the DC area, most of my scientist friends got jobs in LCOL areas so their similar income goes further.

I agree and would even say this happens with doctors and lawyers who paid their own way through college and further degrees. I have a relative in one of these fields, surrounded by colleagues whose parents paid for undergrad, med and/or law school. So they started off their career with very little debt, were able to afford that second home etc. If you are a surgeon, its easier to pay off loans, move up the line to partner. Otherwise many doctors, lawyers, Phd's are living pretty much living a middle class life, juggling loans, buying a home and raising kids by the time they are finished with schooling.

OP, there will always be someone who has more than you. Best to enjoy what you have.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this could've been written by two working Feds trying to raise a family in Bethesda. I know at least 3 couples who are in this exact situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never be happy with this mindset. But it’s so extreme and cartoonish (hence why people think you’re a troll) that there’s no point taking the time to try to steer you in another direction. It’s pointless.

Strongly suspect this is the poster whose “husband” plays her like a fiddle, that always writes dumb shit like this when week time week something changes Guess she decided to take the deal with her cheating ex to live à life with all their needs met, wanting for nothing, he started sleeping with her again and now she feels poor amongst peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come hang out with me. I only make $75K and shop at the goodwill. You'll feel rich and superior again.

Hahahahaha you win 🥇

[Anonymous]

I want to live a very flashy Instagram life and have a designer puppy too, damnit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really silly in light of the fact that given the state of the rest of the world and even the U.S., we are extremely lucky.

Graduate degrees
HHI of 300k+

A cute designer puppy
An apartment in a desirable location
Nice international trips

But sometimes, the envy bug bites. Both DH and I have siblings and friends who, for one reason or the other, seems to be a few steps higher than us on the socioeconomic scale. DH's sister married a wealthy investment banker and they live a very flashy instagram perfect life. My sister also married a rich guy and seems to have everything I have but a higher end version of it.

Meanwhile all of our friends are also well to do. Most come from family wealth so their lives get cushier as we get older.

How do you keep envy in check?

I know I am very blessed but...sometimes, I'd like to feel like the top dog instead of the bottom one!

Make new friends. Don't hang out with the uber wealthy if it keeps you in constant comparison mode.

[Anonymous]

Lead a very healthy and fit lifestyle - mentally and physically.

When they start dying, you can celebrate for outliving them. Take that!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a grip. You're rich. You are jealous of richer people. Get over yourself.

I was at 280k combined income with ex in late 40s.

I am now divorced and happier than you with my 100k job. You live in a bubble and you need to stop being jealous of other richer people. You are better off that MOST people.

Yeah but you are old and bought a house when homes were cheap. Changes entire life trajectory.

I am not old. I did not buy when houses were cheap. I just bought.

So you never owned a house when you were married?

Yes, I owned a house. He kept it. I did not get half. Only bought it 3 years ago. No growth in equity to sell. Only in the house 18 months then divorced. We moved a lot. I also paid off 70k in student debt from
1999 by age 31. I am early 40s. I do not have wealth like op. At all. I still managed to buy a townhouse 6 months ago. I have no great windfall due to age. Way to make huge assumptions. I have a kindergartener. No where close to being a grandma (ex is late 40s). It is not like we owned a house for years and years and had a lot of equity like you assume. Not the case. OP has no reason to complain.

So you bought your first house and had first kid in your 40s? Yeah, there is sure more to your story.

Please read. I am in my early 40s. I had my last kid in my late 30s. My ex is in his late 40s. We did not buy a house in NoVA until 2017...we moved a lot in our marraige. We were separated the next year after buying the house. There was no rise in home equity of years (like when you said...you bought when houses were cheap...um no....we did not buy 15-20 years ago.) That is a huge assumption. Most people I know did not buy houses until their late 30s. Not too far from OP's age. I am only about 6 years older than her yet I make much less, and I am divorced, and still manage not to feel completely poor. She needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP is either being sarcastic, humble-bragging, or trolling.

The average family earns $60k. At that level, they probably rent a one-bedroom apartment (if a couple) or a two-bedroom (if they have one or two kids). They shop at cheap grocery stores, eat out at Applebee’s or Olive Garden once in a while, and vacation is a 10-hour drive to visit a grandma in Wisconsin in their old car.

Move up to the $100k range for a family of four, and now you can think about buying a modest townhouse with three bedrooms in an outlying suburb. A vacation now can be a trip to the beach, and meals out can be nicer mid-range spots like Clydes.

Move up to $150k, and the family can look to buying an older and smallish SFH in the outer suburbs. Vacation is a flight to Disneyworld, and dinner out is at L&N Seafood.

Now we’re at $200k. That’s means a nice 4-bedroom, 3-bath house, and a more elaborate vacation such as a ski trip to Vail or a cruise through New England and Canada. upper-middle class.

At $300k, you will qualify for a house near $1 million dollars. You are affluent. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is either being sarcastic, humble-bragging, or trolling.

The average family earns $60k. At that level, they probably rent a one-bedroom apartment (if a couple) or a two-bedroom (if they have one or two kids). They shop at cheap grocery stores, eat out at Applebee’s or Olive Garden once in a while, and vacation is a 10-hour drive to visit a grandma in Wisconsin in their old car.

Move up to the $100k range for a family of four, and now you can think about buying a modest townhouse with three bedrooms in an outlying suburb. A vacation now can be a trip to the beach, and meals out can be nicer mid-range spots like Clydes.

Move up to $150k, and the family can look to buying an older and smallish SFH in the outer suburbs. Vacation is a flight to Disneyworld, and dinner out is at L&N Seafood.

Now we’re at $200k. That’s means a nice 4-bedroom, 3-bath house, and a more elaborate vacation such as a ski trip to Vail or a cruise through New England and Canada. upper-middle class.

At $300k, you will qualify for a house near $1 million dollars. You are affluent. Stop complaining.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Or OP is a myopic ahole

[Anonymous]

Cute designer puppies are a red flag for me. I’m rich but also cool and I love animals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is either being sarcastic, humble-bragging, or trolling.

The average family earns $60k. At that level, they probably rent a one-bedroom apartment (if a couple) or a two-bedroom (if they have one or two kids). They shop at cheap grocery stores, eat out at Applebee’s or Olive Garden once in a while, and vacation is a 10-hour drive to visit a grandma in Wisconsin in their old car.

Move up to the $100k range for a family of four, and now you can think about buying a modest townhouse with three bedrooms in an outlying suburb. A vacation now can be a trip to the beach, and meals out can be nicer mid-range spots like Clydes.

Move up to $150k, and the family can look to buying an older and smallish SFH in the outer suburbs. Vacation is a flight to Disneyworld, and dinner out is at L&N Seafood.

Now we’re at $200k. That’s means a nice 4-bedroom, 3-bath house, and a more elaborate vacation such as a ski trip to Vail or a cruise through New England and Canada. upper-middle class.

At $300k, you will qualify for a house near $1 million dollars. You are affluent. Stop complaining.

If you think a trip to disney is cheap, or a family at $200K is taking ski trips to Vail, I suggest you get your head out of your ass and learn about finances before you judge others.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is either being sarcastic, humble-bragging, or trolling.

The average family earns $60k. At that level, they probably rent a one-bedroom apartment (if a couple) or a two-bedroom (if they have one or two kids). They shop at cheap grocery stores, eat out at Applebee’s or Olive Garden once in a while, and vacation is a 10-hour drive to visit a grandma in Wisconsin in their old car.

Move up to the $100k range for a family of four, and now you can think about buying a modest townhouse with three bedrooms in an outlying suburb. A vacation now can be a trip to the beach, and meals out can be nicer mid-range spots like Clydes.

Move up to $150k, and the family can look to buying an older and smallish SFH in the outer suburbs. Vacation is a flight to Disneyworld, and dinner out is at L&N Seafood.

Now we’re at $200k. That’s means a nice 4-bedroom, 3-bath house, and a more elaborate vacation such as a ski trip to Vail or a cruise through New England and Canada. upper-middle class.

At $300k, you will qualify for a house near $1 million dollars. You are affluent. Stop complaining.

They don't even have kids. They are DINKS with a designer dog. They can easily go out to eat regularly, take nice foreign vacations, AND save extensively for retirement and the prospect of children. This is truly the dumbest one of these "I feel poor" threads I've ever read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at cute designer dog.

Me too.

A designer puppy??!
When you talk about your pet in the same manner as you do your handbag collection then I do not emphasize one bit. 🙁