Anyone spend less money because they don’t want to “look rich”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not hesitate to love in a more comfortable home because of others.

We live in a 10,000+ sf house in McLean and we renovated and furnished it the way I liked. We are minimalists and not flashy people. Our house just has more space to spread out.

Hi neighbor! I request a house tour and will bring wine!

In your dreams

[Anonymous]

I had a crazy upbringing when it came to money. My parents were wealthy and we lived in a large house and had many luxury cars, and went to a very fancy college prep private schools, but my father was secretly a massive verbal and physical abuser. Then it all went to hell, he left with ALL of our money, and I stayed at my private school as a scholarship kid, am lucky to be intelligent, so got a scholarship to a top college. I was totally poor in college and had to work 4 jobs while in class, and then managed to squeak into a good job afterwards, and married into moderate midwest money (some family help, nothing crazy).

So I've got this weird feeling that having been in all these different situations, I am obsessed with neutrality. I don't want to look rich, I don't want to look poor. I just want to look "medium", if that make sense? Nice things for nice occasions, but no designer purses or overly fancy cars. My husband and I have been pushed to join various country clubs in MoCo, but we are just going to go to our local pool club. I dunno, maybe we are dumb, and we need to hang out with rich people to make money, but we've done pretty well so far with our wits and values. Honestly, I just want to feel and look good, but not fancy, have my kids get an excellent education, and be able to travel again when coronavirus is over.

So, long story, but OP, I feel you. I don't want anyone to think I'm "rich". And I'm okay with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a crazy upbringing when it came to money. My parents were wealthy and we lived in a large house and had many luxury cars, and went to a very fancy college prep private schools, but my father was secretly a massive verbal and physical abuser. Then it all went to hell, he left with ALL of our money, and I stayed at my private school as a scholarship kid, am lucky to be intelligent, so got a scholarship to a top college. I was totally poor in college and had to work 4 jobs while in class, and then managed to squeak into a good job afterwards, and married into moderate midwest money (some family help, nothing crazy).

So I've got this weird feeling that having been in all these different situations, I am obsessed with neutrality. I don't want to look rich, I don't want to look poor. I just want to look "medium", if that make sense? Nice things for nice occasions, but no designer purses or overly fancy cars. My husband and I have been pushed to join various country clubs in MoCo, but we are just going to go to our local pool club. I dunno, maybe we are dumb, and we need to hang out with rich people to make money, but we've done pretty well so far with our wits and values. Honestly, I just want to feel and look good, but not fancy, have my kids get an excellent education, and be able to travel again when coronavirus is over.

So, long story, but OP, I feel you. I don't want anyone to think I'm "rich". And I'm okay with that attitude.

Does it feel like you may end up behaving like your dad if you did have consumption habits that made you look rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a crazy upbringing when it came to money. My parents were wealthy and we lived in a large house and had many luxury cars, and went to a very fancy college prep private schools, but my father was secretly a massive verbal and physical abuser. Then it all went to hell, he left with ALL of our money, and I stayed at my private school as a scholarship kid, am lucky to be intelligent, so got a scholarship to a top college. I was totally poor in college and had to work 4 jobs while in class, and then managed to squeak into a good job afterwards, and married into moderate midwest money (some family help, nothing crazy).

So I've got this weird feeling that having been in all these different situations, I am obsessed with neutrality. I don't want to look rich, I don't want to look poor. I just want to look "medium", if that make sense? Nice things for nice occasions, but no designer purses or overly fancy cars. My husband and I have been pushed to join various country clubs in MoCo, but we are just going to go to our local pool club. I dunno, maybe we are dumb, and we need to hang out with rich people to make money, but we've done pretty well so far with our wits and values. Honestly, I just want to feel and look good, but not fancy, have my kids get an excellent education, and be able to travel again when coronavirus is over.

So, long story, but OP, I feel you. I don't want anyone to think I'm "rich". And I'm okay with that attitude.

Do you have a relationship with your dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not hesitate to love in a more comfortable home because of others.

We live in a 10,000+ sf house in McLean and we renovated and furnished it the way I liked. We are minimalists and not flashy people. Our house just has more space to spread out.

Hi neighbor! I request a house tour and will bring wine!

In your dreams

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a crazy upbringing when it came to money. My parents were wealthy and we lived in a large house and had many luxury cars, and went to a very fancy college prep private schools, but my father was secretly a massive verbal and physical abuser. Then it all went to hell, he left with ALL of our money, and I stayed at my private school as a scholarship kid, am lucky to be intelligent, so got a scholarship to a top college. I was totally poor in college and had to work 4 jobs while in class, and then managed to squeak into a good job afterwards, and married into moderate midwest money (some family help, nothing crazy).

So I've got this weird feeling that having been in all these different situations, I am obsessed with neutrality. I don't want to look rich, I don't want to look poor. I just want to look "medium", if that make sense? Nice things for nice occasions, but no designer purses or overly fancy cars. My husband and I have been pushed to join various country clubs in MoCo, but we are just going to go to our local pool club. I dunno, maybe we are dumb, and we need to hang out with rich people to make money, but we've done pretty well so far with our wits and values. Honestly, I just want to feel and look good, but not fancy, have my kids get an excellent education, and be able to travel again when coronavirus is over.

So, long story, but OP, I feel you. I don't want anyone to think I'm "rich". And I'm okay with that attitude.

Does it feel like you may end up behaving like your dad if you did have consumption habits that made you look rich?

PP here. Maybe? My mom is the one who bought our nice house and nice cars and furniture, and pushed for good education for us. She's a spender. But my dad was OBSESSED with money (why would you leave your family and take all the money if you aren't obsessed?). So when I feel overly focused on finances, I wonder if I have it in me from my dad. My mom is totally fine now financially- she had super lean years where she drove 1.5 hours to work to support us, and then lived in a one bedroom apartment while we were in college so she could build her finances up. Now she is legit okay financially. That was a huge surprise, and part of the reason I worked so hard in my twenties is I expected to support her when she was older.

I think- like many of these other posters - the day to day attitude towards money was more influenced by peers and personal experience. When you can only afford 99 cent shampoo as a luxury for so long, you feel super rich buying Herbal Essences. My super rich prep school friends don't necessarily have better lives than me, either. Some of them have great lives, but a lot of them have major shit that brought them down, or seem unhappy with the same things that make everyone unhappy. But the nice ones all love me and vice versa, and I kinda think they got used to me being the not rich one? I honestly think my friends from childhood and college respect how hard I worked to make it to where I am (since they knew my family history), and if I was super flash on instagram or with fancy cars, they'd like me less. Plus, when you're working four jobs in college, alongside illegal immigrants who had to use coyotes to cross the border, its super hard to feel comfortable later on dropping a ton on fancy stuff. I also think overly clubby rich people who are flying off to Aspen all the time often have major personal issues, in my observation. People end up having affairs, etc. Don't like that and want to avoid those people. Wealthy people who stay down to earth and focus on education for their kids, genuine family and friends and, secretly give to charity have the smoothest lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a crazy upbringing when it came to money. My parents were wealthy and we lived in a large house and had many luxury cars, and went to a very fancy college prep private schools, but my father was secretly a massive verbal and physical abuser. Then it all went to hell, he left with ALL of our money, and I stayed at my private school as a scholarship kid, am lucky to be intelligent, so got a scholarship to a top college. I was totally poor in college and had to work 4 jobs while in class, and then managed to squeak into a good job afterwards, and married into moderate midwest money (some family help, nothing crazy).

So I've got this weird feeling that having been in all these different situations, I am obsessed with neutrality. I don't want to look rich, I don't want to look poor. I just want to look "medium", if that make sense? Nice things for nice occasions, but no designer purses or overly fancy cars. My husband and I have been pushed to join various country clubs in MoCo, but we are just going to go to our local pool club. I dunno, maybe we are dumb, and we need to hang out with rich people to make money, but we've done pretty well so far with our wits and values. Honestly, I just want to feel and look good, but not fancy, have my kids get an excellent education, and be able to travel again when coronavirus is over.

So, long story, but OP, I feel you. I don't want anyone to think I'm "rich". And I'm okay with that attitude.

Do you have a relationship with your dad?

PP here. Absolutely not. I've forgiven him but I don't want him in my life or my children's life. He is a monster. I would be abdicating my responsibility to my nuclear family to expose them to him.