Anyone spend less money because they don’t want to “look rich”?

[Anonymous]

I think you should spend your hard earned money to make yourself happy. It’s really more about how you talk about or not. I have a friend who did a major reno to their house and talked about it all day every day. Anything she picked out as appliances or fixtures, she would tell us about including price. She bought a fancy car and she gave it a name(!). She wants to buy a vacation home and talks about her price range.

All of the things she does are totally normal for her income bracket but bragging and talking about prices and money - our whole group is over it!

[Anonymous]

When I was young (29) I pretended to be rich. I loved it. I spent 110 percent of salary.

At one point at 27-32 had a Mercedes convertible, Jeep Wrangler convertible, own apt. Went skiing in Aspen, spent 15 weekends in Southampton and spring break palm beach and a few ski trips all on 48k a year income!!! This went on four years!!! Was crazy.

Some rich guy at five am rolled a car with me in it all his fault with witness’s to boot. A cop was following us about to pull him over.

That check paid off my four years. I stopped it and got a engaged.

My Mom like to say god looks after me!!! Don’t know why.

I did date a vogue model. Billionaires daughter and an extras briefly. All three dads figured me out quick. Well the fact my Freshly painted beautiful Mercedes was actually 21 years old with 134,000 miles fools a 26 year old girl not her 55 year old dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I despise ostentation because I think it’s a poor allocation of resources. For me I spend less out of principle and less so due to anticipated social repercussions.

Wow, you better hope the Democrats don't institute an insufferability tax. Whew.

Wow, thanks for the comment you lopsided areola. Whew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our volvo cost 80k

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but for different reasons: we were LMC but my parents saved to buy a house in a middle class area. They were the only ones who were never robbed, because we never looked like we "had anything."

It's not the lesson they were trying to teach me, but if you don't look flashy, you are less likely to be robbed. Our neighbors new cars have been sacked a couple of times, our 15 year old Toyota Camrys haven't.

Fact: Toyota Camry and Honda Accord are the most stolen vehicles. The parts are in demand because
there are so many Camrys and Accords on the road. Also, premium cars are near impossible to steal.

[Anonymous]

I think, if you're not buying something you want and that you can afford because you think you'll look rich, you should dig into those feelings more.

Why would that be bad? Serious question.

I suspect, if you dig deep enough, it will come down to something like you're just regular people, you happen to have all this money, but you're not better or worse than anyone else, and you don't want people to feel bad because you can afford all these things and they can't. If that's the case - I think what your conscious is telling you is that you should be giving back. Consider taking, for example, half the money it would cost to upgrade your house, donating it, and instead making a smaller upgrade. Or just generally, budgeting more for charity.

In other words, if you're uncomfortable with your wealth, I think that's telling you something, and you should listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives an car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives an car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Yes, we are. First generation of immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should spend your hard earned money to make yourself happy. It’s really more about how you talk about or not. I have a friend who did a major reno to their house and talked about it all day every day. Anything she picked out as appliances or fixtures, she would tell us about including price. She bought a fancy car and she gave it a name(!). She wants to buy a vacation home and talks about her price range.

All of the things she does are totally normal for her income bracket but bragging and talking about prices and money - our whole group is over it!

Your whole group sound jealous. If a friend of mine did that I would just think "good for her". The only time I would be over it was if the topic was incredibly boring. Usually, I am interested in most everything my friends share with me, even if it has nothing to do with me - their hobbies, their spending, their pets, their grandkids, their children's marriage, their dating lives, their divorces, their work drama, their weight struggles. I listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives a car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Yes, we are. First generation of immigrant.

That tracks.

We are not in a profession where we have to have to entertain wealthy clients lavish or have a flashy lifestyle. We are IT folks who are somewhat nerdy. When our HHI increased, out SOL did not change drastically. What money gave to us was flexibility of options, convenience, financial security and ability to help family and charities. Being aware how worthier people than us are making far less money makes us also save for the future and control mindless spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to not spend extra money on things that are status symbols or recognizable luxury brands, but it seems silly to avoid spending money on quality or experiences where you can afford it just to avoid looking rich.

e.g. don't buy a LV Neverfull, but go on the nice trip, buy the good sheets, order the nice meal, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You don't have to post it or talk about it to everyone you know.

THIS. But, for those who understand, no explanation is required. For those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should spend your hard earned money to make yourself happy. It’s really more about how you talk about or not. I have a friend who did a major reno to their house and talked about it all day every day. Anything she picked out as appliances or fixtures, she would tell us about including price. She bought a fancy car and she gave it a name(!). She wants to buy a vacation home and talks about her price range.

All of the things she does are totally normal for her income bracket but bragging and talking about prices and money - our whole group is over it!

Your whole group sound jealous. If a friend of mine did that I would just think "good for her". The only time I would be over it was if the topic was incredibly boring. Usually, I am interested in most everything my friends share with me, even if it has nothing to do with me - their hobbies, their spending, their pets, their grandkids, their children's marriage, their dating lives, their divorces, their work drama, their weight struggles. I listen.

NP here. I do not want to hear anyone's play by play of their renovations. Ever.

[Anonymous]

I made 8 figures off of Bitcoin essentially by accident. I really don’t spend and I have a guilt complex because I am richer than all of my friends, family, and acquaintances through pure dumb luck. The one thing I spend a lot on however is travel.

[Anonymous]

We have a bmw & a Lincoln navigator - my 19 yr old college kid has a Hyundai. Yes, sometimes I drive his car so people won’t “think” things about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives a car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Yes, we are. First generation of immigrant.

That tracks.

We are not in a profession where we have to have to entertain wealthy clients lavish or have a flashy lifestyle. We are IT folks who are somewhat nerdy. When our HHI increased, out SOL did not change drastically. What money gave to us was flexibility of options, convenience, financial security and ability to help family and charities. Being aware how worthier people than us are making far less money makes us also save for the future and control mindless spending.

We are also first Gen immigrants. We have changed homes and neighborhoods six times since we got married. Started in a studio apartment, now in a 10,000+ sqft home. We chose our life for us, not for others. Some friends have stayed with us, some have dropped off. True friendship are those that are maintained by both sides, not the ones we have to keep by holding ourselves back. What's more important is that we have made new friends. My kids are US-born. What's important for them is that they melt into the American culture and understand the importance of building a good social and professional network. We work hard for what we earn, and I don't feel at all guilty spending the money I earn on things I enjoy. To those that do, you only have yourself to blame and I pray that your children are permanently harmed by the same poison.