Resentful of rich kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel this too, OP. Among our friends and neighbors it seems like I’m the only one who didn’t get college paid for, wedding paid for, and a down payment for my first house... These people also get regular free babysitting and private school tuition picked up by grandparents. Oh and annual family vacations to places like Sea Island are paid for in full too.

It’s a different world compared to my family and how I was raised. It’s isolating and frustrating. But I’ve also noticed that, with all that support, there are a lot of strings attached...

Could be worse. My parents COULD do all that yet they didn’t/don’t. That’s even harder to comprehend.

[Anonymous]

When I was a teen at my home country in the 90s, one of our neighbors bought a used white Honda and parked it under our apartment building. It was a car that my parents would never be able to afford, and it looked so gorgeous to me that I even wrote a poem about how perfect it is and how I wish I could have one later in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Rich people love to tell the less wealthy to be grateful that at least they're not totally destitute. It's a great deflection from their leading role in perpetuating inequality.

No trust fund here. I am the first one to go to college in my family and my husband used money left to him when his dad died to go to college. We made our money. So sick of people like you.

No, you did not make your money. You gained an inheritance. You see the difference? THAT is exactly what this whole thread is on about. The privileged folks who can't seem to recognize their own privilege. Inheritance that pays for college is privilege.

NP here, but honestly it seems that whoever has more than someone else is privileged. In that case everyone is privileged in some way, including you and me and that guy next to you.

Also, she did make her money. True, her husband didn’t have to pay for college, but still had to go out and earn a living. There is quite a bit of gray space between poor and rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:DC is a tough area. I don't think I fully appreciated how the money and the competitiveness saturates you and your lifestyle until you left. We live in a rural area now and WOW do I feel like we have it good, whereas before I always felt like the poorest person in the room.

Same.

Same here too

We are pretty high income and we made the same move. I felt average making, at the time, $500k HHI and couldn’t afford a nice house in a good school district. We moved out to the boonies and are much happier living around normal people.

You may have felt average, but you weren’t. And it simply isn’t possible that on 500k you couldn’t afford a nice house in a good school system. Maybe you had more expensive tastes or just wanted to feel like the wealthiest person in the room or were just more comfortable in a different setting, but you were certainly able to afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:DC is a wealthy area in one of the wealthiest countries in the world. There will Always be people with more money than you, especially if you choose to live in an area that attracts wealthy people.

I’m middle class and grew up lower middle class and I just do not relate to OP at all. If you want to be wealthy, then go into a profession that generates high income or start a business (if you can tolerate risk). Not everyone will make I t, but not everyone gets to be wealthy just because they want to be. A few weeks ago there was a thread started by an Eastern European immigrant who lost everything to move here with the goal to become wealthy and is now successful. Surely OP had more advantages than her, no?

Also I don’t understand how people like OP are just now in adulthood realizing that life isn’t fair. [b]I guess it is a helpful lesson learned much earlier in life by those of us who grew up relatively poor. At one point in college I remember feeling a bit jealous of all of the kids cruising around in Mercedes and BMW 7 series while I struggled to afford my busted Honda civic. I realized that It is not their fault that they have these things-if my parents were in the position to gift me a nice car, I wouldn’t say no. Resentment and entitlement are really toxic.

I don’t disagree with OP that life is much easier for those that come from wealth. but there are so many people in this country who come from modest backgrounds to wealth and success. I don’t think it is healthy to feel entitled to wealth just because there are others who have more.

I grew up lower middle class with many experiences of poverty thrown in (utilities turned off, didn't always have money for groceries so ate a lot of starch). I grew up knowing life was unfair and that everyone had more than my family. But I somehow believed I could boot strap my way out of it by working hard in school and working side jobs when I was old enough and throughout college. I was never jealous of the kids with BMWs because I knew I could earn that too, eventually. What I didn't realize until I was well into adulthood was that people who started out several rungs higher up on the ladder would keep going,, thus staying higher up on the ladder. I wasn't going to "catch up" because I had more rungs to climb. I'm in my 40s and from time to time still discover ways of thinking that I have which are just so different from people who grew up with a lot more. One example, I never learned how to ask for help, I believe I was supposed to just work harder, and harder, and harder. Hard work is definitely important, but in retrospect the kids in law school who did the best were the ones who spent a lot of times in professors offices, not the ones poring over the cases and their notes in the library (where I was).

I am an immigrant and we came here with $100 in our pockets. We were in ETCH-ONE-BEE visa hell for 8 years making 30K a year in our 20s and 30s and our net savings was around $2000 because we were living on the edge of poverty. The moment our green card came our salary doubled. We had postponed everything in our life - kids, house, education because we were just subsisting. Anyhow, by mid -30s, we were so used to living in poverty that we could save whatever increase in salary we got and used that for down-payment to a house in a not high cost part of MoCo. Best decision. We had kids late, but we were saving like fiends for everything. We were so used to living on very little that could really stretch our dollars without dumpster diving or being miserly. Ask us about any service you can think of - from cooking from scratch to painting our walls to stitching clothes to knitting booties and blankets to making greeting cards to doing yardwork to tutoring - we can do it all. Now we are in our 50s. College, home. cars, retirement - we are set. Our kids have every comfort at home that they can think of and lots of financial security. We are able to afford anything that we want - vacations, cleaning service, books, electronics, eating out, nice clothes, tutors etc. My kids are still extremely frugal and careful with money. I am glad that they have this mindset. In the end, we have been able to raise a very closeknit, moral and loving family. I have been able to become a SAHM, help my kids in their education and we all feel good that we have some means to help our kids. If my kids never need our money, it is even better. My biggest happiness is that my kids have not grown up to be entitled, privileged kids. They are hard working and loving people. That we can pay for their college, a new car, a modest wedding is the extent of what we can give them. If they want to live with us for saving on rent. even better. We will not be giving them money to buy a house. We don't have that kind of money. BUT - hopefully their upbringing and the help that we can give them is enough of a helping hand. I think that if we give more than that what will they achieve on their own? What will they teach their own children?

Immigrants who say this often come to the US with no debt, strong social ties with other immigrants, and a highly sought after professional background- in other words, a couple of steps ahead of many of their American peers even though they may lack funds.

Sit down. You have no idea how difficult the immigration process is here in the US. You also have no idea how much it hamstrings folks and keeps them from earning at their full potential for decades. H-1b workers in many cases are stuck with the same employer for years on end waiting for that green card. They have to stick it out with no vertical movement so they do not jeopardize their green card applications. you have any idea how miserable it is to not be promoted or try to change jobs because you have to wait 10+ years for a green card? You also don't understand the sacrifice of leaving an entire family behind and likely not being able to visit for years (particularly if one is in the H-1b, I-140, I-485 loop that leasts for decades in some cases).

To say that immigrants trying to navigate this process are privileged is the height of ignorance. And congrats to you for not having experienced it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

Honestly, I feel the same way and have to check myself. My bias is that most folks living in DC proper likely had down payments, tuition, and everything else handed to them and are sitting on trust funds/inheritance. I immediately dislike these folks and assume that they're worthless lazies and hyper pretentious. Yes, that's my bias and I try not to hire or interact with these folks. Am I right all the time? No. Am I right a good chunk of the time? Yes. Does it change anything? Not really. All you can do is keep working, OP. Raise your kids to be hard workers and hopefully keep them from being the handout, trust fund kids that we see so much of in this area. Honestly, you're likely more pleasant to be around anyway

you seriously think that? We are wealthy in many respects - 700K HHI, $2M home, paying for kids colleges in full, and live in DC "proper". Spouse and I had loving, stable homes as children. My spouse got zero help from parents and was actually homeless for a while in college. My parents helped some, but college was mostly loans and scholarships. We are wealthy now, but no way did we get "everything handed" to us. And my bet is that you are WRONG a good chunk of the time. You seem incredibly judgmental.

If you are 100% self made and living in a $2M house with a $700k income, it took you a while to get there. You’re likely 50+.

I didn't say I was 100% self made. Both spouse and I grew up in safe neighborhoods and intact families. No substance abuse, violence, etc. Good suburban schools. All gifts from our parents who cared for us deeply. But - no trust funds, tuition paid for, or other things that are always mentioned.

The path to at least UMC wealth in the US is pretty simple. Be smart, work hard, have a stable marriage, and avoid human failings like substance abuse, crime, and the like.

[Anonymous]

Take risks, fail get up and try it all over. At some point you are likely to make it. Only in America!

[Anonymous]

Seriously, be an entrepreneur. If you lack the guts, accept your fate and get out of the way.

[Anonymous]

I grew up pretty privileged and had access to the camps and schools and things that provide connections to stay rich later in life.

I am 45 now and will soon have access to the family wealth that gave me those privileges. I spent a few decades without that security even though I knew in the back of my mind I would have it at some point. My kids will be able to benefit hugely and I plan to make their lives easier in certain ways.

I would definitely be resentful of how money makes life easier for those who have it if I didn't have it. That is the main thing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take risks, fail get up and try it all over. At some point you are likely to make it. Only in America!

That's what rich kids don't understand. It's extremely easy to take risks when you know you have a cushion of wealth to fall back on when you fail. When you're in a position where a failed investment is a major catastrophe for your family finances, the risk calculation is much different. It is not unintelligent to avoid risks like this - quite the opposite, it's often reckless for people to make high risk investment choices with their family's future on the line.

So please, even if you lie to yourself, stop lying to the non-wealthy about how it's all because they aren't taking more risks. It's BS and we know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and there are people who are resentful of you, get over it.

Nope. And this is why MC people are so angry.

Respectable lower class/blue collar types don’t envy you. They work hard, then go home, go to church, attend to their families, whatever. They’re not looking at some middle manager in a McMansion out in Loudon County trying to figure out how to change places. And actual poor people or the less respectable LC frankly don’t give a single f$CK about anything you do. They sure as hell wouldn’t want to trade places. They love their lives with a reckless abandon that, psychologically, approximates the freedom that comes with wealth.

Nope, it’s only the middle class. Close enough to real money to see it, and pine for it. Paying hefty taxes on regular income, while the rich work the system and the poor attract more and more benefits for doing less and less. This is why they’re so angry, trying to fight people in grocery stores over wearing a mask like idiots. The simmer is rising to a boil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

get over it. somewhere in the family line someone worked their ass off and they are now enjoying. why dont you work your ass off so the ones that come after you can enjoy it too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

get over it. somewhere in the family line someone worked their ass off and they are now enjoying. why dont you work your ass off so the ones that come after you can enjoy it too!

+1 I live in DC and did have tuition and home purchase paid for by parents. But also my dad worked 3 jobs, while also in school, to support us when I was born. They were living in a studio apartment at the time with 4 people - parents, me and a grandparent. My grandparents worked double shifts in clothing sweatshops in Queens through the 90’s to help. My parents eventually did pretty well but don’t think I don’t understand what working ones tail off is, and that hard work was not engrained in my at all costs, for better and for worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful of all the rich people who get down payments and college savings handed to them. Meanwhile here we are working like little bees getting nowhere.

get over it. somewhere in the family line someone worked their ass off and they are now enjoying. why dont you work your ass off so the ones that come after you can enjoy it too!

+1 I live in DC and did have tuition and home purchase paid for by parents. But also my dad worked 3 jobs, while also in school, to support us when I was born. They were living in a studio apartment at the time with 4 people - parents, me and a grandparent. My grandparents worked double shifts in clothing sweatshops in Queens through the 90’s to help. My parents eventually did pretty well but don’t think I don’t understand what working ones tail off is, and that hard work was not engrained in my at all costs, for better and for worse.

Yeah, anyone who has a work ethic and even an ounce of pride does not, as an adult, let mommy and daddy buy them a house. It was readily available to me as well, but by the time I was ready to buy our first house I was way beyond needing someone else to pay for it.

But sure, keep patting yourself on the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Rich people love to tell the less wealthy to be grateful that at least they're not totally destitute. It's a great deflection from their leading role in perpetuating inequality.

No trust fund here. I am the first one to go to college in my family and my husband used money left to him when his dad died to go to college. We made our money. So sick of people like you.

No, you did not make your money. You gained an inheritance. You see the difference? THAT is exactly what this whole thread is on about. The privileged folks who can't seem to recognize their own privilege. Inheritance that pays for college is privilege.

You are right! My bad, PP, He was so privileged to watch his dad die of cancer when he was a sophomore in high school! Thanks for setting me straight.