Did anyone here NOT have a perfect wedding?

[Anonymous]

I was just starting to plan my wedding, and my mother was just starting to take over and make it into something I didn't want.

Then I got pregnant, unexpectedly, but although I certainly didn't plan it and was trying to prevent, also very welcome.

It was a convenient excuse to move the wedding up. We had a nice church ceremony with a few close friends, and our families, about 20 people total. Went out to a nice restaurant for a nice dinner in a private room, and we were done.

It was kind of perfect, and the baby was very perfect, so even though it wasn't what my mom thought was perfect, I was happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wedding turned out ok, but my mom was so awful that it ruined it for me.

My parents are divorced and my mom was angry I invited my dad to my wedding.

So my mom tried to convince the entire family that I had been abusive to my mom and grandmother, and therefore nobody should attend my wedding.

So my wedding turned into this weird test of loyalty to my mother vs. Me, and like half my family didn’t attend (including my own sister, my mom, and my grandma). The half that did attend felt obviously uncomfortable and unsure about the whole thing.

Despite all of this, we went forward (we’d already paid everything and invites had gone out), and I for some reason held onto this weird hope that in the end, my mom would find a way to make it right and that she and the rest of my family would attend. I sort of could not get my brain or heart to believe what was happening and I really thought she’d fix things in the days and hours leading up to the wedding. I held onto this belief up until the moment I had to walk down the aisle. My sister was supposed to be my maid of honor and I also believed somehow she’d show up and be there for me. They didn’t.

My mom continued to threaten people who were planning to attend (like her siblings and my siblings) with being disinherited if they attended (mom and grandma are wealthy). In fact, all who attended were disinherited and the ones who boycotted were given cash payments. For one of my uncles this decision cost him several hundred thousand dollars. And I kind of think he regrets coming. I told him at the time it would be ok if he didn’t attend and that I understood. I kind of think he blames me for all of this somehow.

It’s been 8 years and it’s still not something I can laugh about or feel anything but sorrow.

I haven’t spoken to my mother since. My grandmother died a couple years ago and we never spoke again either.

I have reconnected with my sister but the hurt is still tremendous on my side, especially since she’s only given a cursory “I’m sorry, but....” kind of apology.

Wow, that is horrific. Makes me appreciate having a poor family so that some people’s vindictiveness can’t hold so much power.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My wedding time was extremely stressful and traumatic. We were a mixed race-interfaith couple and neither set of families were happy about our union. We also did not have money for a wedding. We put something together last minute and it was stressful and just not fun. If I could do it over, I'd have just eloped.

Mixed race couple here too. Awful wedding for the same reason — unsupportive relatives. One of the saddest days of my life. I’ve been burdened with hateful white in laws ever since and the marriage is totally not worth having to tolerate these people’s existence. I do my best to dissuade people of color from getting married to white people now.

So all white people are bigots because your inlaws are? OK.

PP here. It’s not worth dealing with the many of you who are overt, covert, active aggressive, passive aggressive, and other variations of racist. Those of you who consider yourself the “good ones” almost never are. Life’s too short to waste on people who have such unearned privilege, yet are inculcated with such hate. You can be mad if you want.

Why did you marry a white guy if you rabidly hate white people so badly? Does your white husband meet your impossible standard for a non-racist?

NP here. I’m so sorry, PP, for how you have been treated, and for the fact that some fellow white peppers here are determined to prove your point that too many of us suck to make it a good bet to be in a relationship with one of us. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a wedding where the bride's grandmother literally dropped dead in the middle of the dance floor.

My parents went to a wedding where an uncle dropped dead the same way. When saying goodbye to the bride my mother suggested to her that they celebrate their anniversary on the date they got their marriage license instead of the date of the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a wedding where the bride's grandmother literally dropped dead in the middle of the dance floor.

My parents went to a wedding where an uncle dropped dead the same way. When saying goodbye to the bride my mother suggested to her that they celebrate their anniversary on the date they got their marriage license instead of the date of the wedding.

PP here. It's been years since that wedding and since then the family (who has had other tragedies and is pretty resilient) has taken the stance that "If you have to go, what a way to go!" They look at it this way:

"Grandma had a wonderful day, surrounded by her loving friends and family, and did not suffer a single moment."

Of course, it was hardest on those left behind (especially bride and groom) but I think easier compared to the way so many people suffer for years before dying, as well as their families.

[Anonymous]

My mom disliked my dh. And she and my in-laws had definite ideas about what season we could marry in...not too hot, not too cold, etc...

Although I always wanted a church ceremony, I wish we had just eloped at a time for convenient to us and skipped having all the relatives there. Maybe had a small church wedding with a few friends, and then gone off on a honeymoon after. Not having to deal with my mom would have been a blessing, she made the while process stressful as heck.

And, dh and I have been married 25+ years. Mom was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wedding time was extremely stressful and traumatic. We were a mixed race-interfaith couple and neither set of families were happy about our union. We also did not have money for a wedding. We put something together last minute and it was stressful and just not fun. If I could do it over, I'd have just eloped.

Mixed race couple here too. Awful wedding for the same reason — unsupportive relatives. One of the saddest days of my life. I’ve been burdened with hateful white in laws ever since and the marriage is totally not worth having to tolerate these people’s existence. I do my best to dissuade people of color from getting married to white people now.

So all white people are bigots because your inlaws are? OK.

PP here. It’s not worth dealing with the many of you who are overt, covert, active aggressive, passive aggressive, and other variations of racist. Those of you who consider yourself the “good ones” almost never are. Life’s too short to waste on people who have such unearned privilege, yet are inculcated with such hate. You can be mad if you want.

Why did you marry a white guy if you rabidly hate white people so badly? Does your white husband meet your impossible standard for a non-racist?

NP here. I’m so sorry, PP, for how you have been treated, and for the fact that some fellow white peppers here are determined to prove your point that too many of us suck to make it a good bet to be in a relationship with one of us. I’m sorry.

So you both say that all white people are bad, even the “good” ones, no matter what they do. And white people are the bigots? You are both whackos.