Teacher issues: sarcasm etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The comment that the teacher is "sad" about kids not listening is fine.

Your comment, parent, that children shouldn't be "responsible" for adults' emotions is wrong. Children should absolutely be made aware when their behavior has an impact on adults' emotions, whether that impact is positive or negative.
-- From the time my children were infants, I told them when their smiles, hugs, kind words, etc., made me happy, brightened my day, etc.
-- From the time my children were infants, I told them when their hits, bites, screams, etc. made me feel sad.
-- From the time my children were toddlers, I told them when their help cleaning up toys, their gentle touches with animals, etc. made me feel proud.
-- From the time my children were toddlers, I told them when their illnesses, injuries, lying, etc. made me feel worried.

I agree with you that controlling bathroom breaks is ridiculous.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

I am picturing caring adults trying to have genuine conversations with OP’s child about his or her behavior. I am having difficulty imagining a situation where the adults don’t feel dismissed and disrespected. But, that doesn’t matter does it OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sarcastic comments - Let it go. You can’t police teachers’ personalities. It’s not hurting anyone.

“Sad” comments - That’s not sarcasm. That’s a legit technique to get kids to listen. Kids are people-pleasers and typically want to make their teachers happy.

Breaks - Override the teacher here. She shouldn’t be trying to control bathroom breaks during DL. Tell your DD to just go, no asking.

It is hurting children’s minds and teaching sarcasm. The teacher needs to find a different job.

What? Putting aside whether what the teacher said was appropriate, sarcasm is a part of our language and how we communicate on this time and place. Children's minds will be fine and their EQ will increase when they know about sarcasm, tone and context.

While a parent is teaching a young child to be kind, honest, and hard worker, a teacher is ruining the parent’s work. It’s about values.

Sarcasm is uncalled for. OP is not teaching her child to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

+1

[Anonymous]

This teacher is poor at classroom management. It’s sad to see how many teachers struggle with this but zoom brings it into our homes.

Some of us can hear when we work. It is not responsible to leave a child alone while DL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

+1

https://cw.liveyourtruth.com/why-parents-need-to-stop-saying-youre-making-me/

[Anonymous]

Well, sure you can move to another teacher. But what if they are also not up to your standards? Do you know parents of other kids in that class you can get feedback from?

I have a kid who does not understand sarcasm. A classroom like what you describe would be really rough on him. COVID is hard enough, we don't need snarky teachers.

[Anonymous]

Some parents take it a step further and become emotionally co-dependent upon their children. For example, my mother (who was a single parent) blamed her children for all the miseries of her life ("If I didn't have you kids my life would be so much better" and then proceed to list out the various ways). This makes the children think that if they behaved better, if they could fix all the wrongs in their parents' lives, then the parent will be content if not happy. Of course, this is false.

I suspect that children who were brought up similar to myself are all type-A over achievers/pleasers because that's what (if even only momentarily) pleased our parents.

You are absolutely correct that the happiness of the parents is their own responsibility, but it's awfully difficult to reverse that earlier conditioning. It's not until the child grows up and learns from life experience that everyone's happiness is their own responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

This is a lot of projecting! Wowzers. A child should never have to think about her teacher's sadness because she didn't follow instructions on how to color a donkey. The teacher could say "Please follow the directions." Not you made me sad. It's over the top and ridiculous. Children are not responsible for the happiness of adults. You find that in yourself. That's parenting 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some parents take it a step further and become emotionally co-dependent upon their children. For example, my mother (who was a single parent) blamed her children for all the miseries of her life ("If I didn't have you kids my life would be so much better" and then proceed to list out the various ways). This makes the children think that if they behaved better, if they could fix all the wrongs in their parents' lives, then the parent will be content if not happy. Of course, this is false.

I suspect that children who were brought up similar to myself are all type-A over achievers/pleasers because that's what (if even only momentarily) pleased our parents.

You are absolutely correct that the happiness of the parents is their own responsibility, but it's awfully difficult to reverse that earlier conditioning. It's not until the child grows up and learns from life experience that everyone's happiness is their own responsibility.

So OP is at one end of the spectrum and the mom in your example is at the other end. Both are more extreme than the teacher in the original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

This is a lot of projecting! Wowzers. A child should never have to think about her teacher's sadness because she didn't follow instructions on how to color a donkey. The teacher could say "Please follow the directions." Not you made me sad. It's over the top and ridiculous. Children are not responsible for the happiness of adults. You find that in yourself. That's parenting 101.

I vehemently disagree. I think it is Parenting 101 to explain to children how their actions impact others, both positively and negatively.

I agree that it is a little ridiculous to tell a child that not coloring a donkey correctly makes the teacher sad, but teaching your child to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel" in other situations is extremely poor parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

This is a lot of projecting! Wowzers. A child should never have to think about her teacher's sadness because she didn't follow instructions on how to color a donkey. The teacher could say "Please follow the directions." Not you made me sad. It's over the top and ridiculous. Children are not responsible for the happiness of adults. You find that in yourself. That's parenting 101.

I vehemently disagree. I think it is Parenting 101 to explain to children how their actions impact others, both positively and negatively.

I agree that it is a little ridiculous to tell a child that not coloring a donkey correctly makes the teacher sad, but teaching your child to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel" in other situations is extremely poor parenting.

I agree. No one thinks this is a stellar teacher, and everyone seems to agree she is somewhere between mediocre and inappropriate. But OP is literally teaching her child an icky, narcissistic reply to people who share their feelings..

There is no way this will end well for OP’s kid. Frankly I feel sorry for the kid, and not because they have a lousy teacher. Newsflash, there will be more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I don’t think children should be responsible for the emotions for adults” Really? The teacher is communicating to her students in words that children understand. Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. Newsflash, OP, people’s actions do have consequences and do affect how how others feel. You are a piece of work. Please, please, please bring this example to your Principal and ask for a new teacher....

The feeling of another adult is not a consequence that should be meaningful to the child. I've taught my children early on to respond to things like that with "I'm not responsible for what you feel." And they aren't.

This is an appalling attitude both to have and to pass onto your children. It is this kind of attitude that leads to individuals being self-absorbed, unempathetic, close-minded, antisocial people who care nothing about their families, neighbors, community, or humankind as a whole.

If your kid says to an adult, "You are fat and ugly," and the adult responds, "Those words hurt my feelings," you actually taught your children to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid makes a racist or discriminatory comment, and the adult tells your kid that the comment is not appropriate and is hurtful, you'd encourage your child to reapond, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid is kind towards another person and that person says, "Thank you! That made me feel happy that you showed kindness, " you taught your kid to answer, "I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

If your kid does a good job on something and his or her teacher/coach/religious leader says, "I am so proud of you," you encourage your child to respond,
"I'm not responsible for what you feel"?

OP is making an error in parenting that will impact the kind of person her child becomes. And she is more concerned about a mediocre teacher.

This is a lot of projecting! Wowzers. A child should never have to think about her teacher's sadness because she didn't follow instructions on how to color a donkey. The teacher could say "Please follow the directions." Not you made me sad. It's over the top and ridiculous. Children are not responsible for the happiness of adults. You find that in yourself. That's parenting 101.

I vehemently disagree. I think it is Parenting 101 to explain to children how their actions impact others, both positively and negatively.

I agree that it is a little ridiculous to tell a child that not coloring a donkey correctly makes the teacher sad, but teaching your child to say, "I'm not responsible for what you feel" in other situations is extremely poor parenting.

I agree. No one thinks this is a stellar teacher, and everyone seems to agree she is somewhere between mediocre and inappropriate. But OP is literally teaching her child an icky, narcissistic reply to people who share their feelings..

There is no way this will end well for OP’s kid. Frankly I feel sorry for the kid, and not because they have a lousy teacher. Newsflash, there will be more.

You really zoned in on that. Have a drink, dear.