Did you grow up in a neat or a messy home, and how did it affect you

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a messy house, which is still messy even with me and my sibs grown and gone. DH grew up in a clean house, or so I think. His parents’ house is clean now; I assume it was at least somewhat messier when they had four kids at home, but still cleaner than mine. Our house is way cleaner than my parents’ house, but not nearly as clean as my ILs’. The mess at my parents’ house stresses me out and makes me not want to visit.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in a messy home and I tend to be on the cleaner side but it took me awhile as we were never taught how to clean. Do remember being embarrassed to have friends or others over so never did. Dad was at work all day and would come home and clean. Idk wtf mom was doing but it wasn't cleaning. We would come home and she would ask US to make HER a snack or leftover dinner plate. Can never remember her cleaning, barely cooked. As an adult of 32 now, I believe she has a mental health issue but not sure what.

[Anonymous]

From my pool of friends, that I've known since childhood --- how they were raised and how they keep their own homes --- there is no correlation.

[Anonymous]

My mother kept all the “public” spaces perfect (Clean, high-end furnishings, flowers), but closets and the basement were a disaster..but full of good stuff. Can you be a hoarder if you are more of a magpie? She doesn’t save everything, just expensive stuff. Piles of clothes, china sets, every appliance Williams Sonoma sells...

I am neat, but i think the fact that I’m really, really into organizing and purging things is due to my mother’s closets.

I dread the day my siblings and I have to clean out my parents’ basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother kept all the “public” spaces perfect (Clean, high-end furnishings, flowers), but closets and the basement were a disaster..but full of good stuff. Can you be a hoarder if you are more of a magpie? She doesn’t save everything, just expensive stuff. Piles of clothes, china sets, every appliance Williams Sonoma sells...

I am neat, but i think the fact that I’m really, really into organizing and purging things is due to my mother’s closets.

I dread the day my siblings and I have to clean out my parents’ basement.

Don't we all. Well, except my brother who plans to order a dumpster and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in a messy home and I tend to be on the cleaner side but it took me awhile as we were never taught how to clean. Do remember being embarrassed to have friends or others over so never did. Dad was at work all day and would come home and clean. Idk wtf mom was doing but it wasn't cleaning. We would come home and she would ask US to make HER a snack or leftover dinner plate. Can never remember her cleaning, barely cooked. As an adult of 32 now, I believe she has a mental health issue but not sure what.

This sounds like my mom and me, too, except I'm not 32. I didn't have friends over either, and still don't. I do ok with dusting and vacuuming and thought I was doing ok otherwise, but then I read DCUM threads about washing sheets and towels and realize I do it far, far less than most of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My childhood home was neat and clean, but way to small for all of us. So I actually like being able to have my own mess now, as well as my own bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Messy, though not extremely so... except at times when my dad was depressed and mom overwhelmed (she was the primary breadwinner). For about 6 years we had semi-monthly cleaners, and since we had to tidy before they came, the house was pretty reasonable most of the time. Before that was before my brother was born... maybe that helped us not get quite as messy in the first place (less mess, more time and energy). After that it did get kinda bad in my teen years, though most of the rooms were not call-CPS worthy.

My mom was raised in a cluttered but not extremely messy/dirty home. She was the oldest of 5 and so often responsible for cleaning and I think... between being a naturally slightly messy person, being sick of having to be the maid, and being the primary breadwinner outside the home, she just didn't have it in her. My dad isn't exactly messy by nature, but I blame his lack of cleaning motivation on the fact that, besides going through periods of depression, HIS mom is a total neat freak and didn't really make her kids do chores (and she WOH FT!) So he was raised in an environment where things were nice without any effort or thought on his part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Messy, though not extremely so... except at times when my dad was depressed and mom overwhelmed (she was the primary breadwinner). For about 6 years we had semi-monthly cleaners, and since we had to tidy before they came, the house was pretty reasonable most of the time. Before that was before my brother was born... maybe that helped us not get quite as messy in the first place (less mess, more time and energy). After that it did get kinda bad in my teen years, though most of the rooms were not call-CPS worthy.

My mom was raised in a cluttered but not extremely messy/dirty home. She was the oldest of 5 and so often responsible for cleaning and I think... between being a naturally slightly messy person, being sick of having to be the maid, and being the primary breadwinner outside the home, she just didn't have it in her. My dad isn't exactly messy by nature, but I blame his lack of cleaning motivation on the fact that, besides going through periods of depression, HIS mom is a total neat freak and didn't really make her kids do chores (and she WOH FT!) So he was raised in an environment where things were nice without any effort or thought on his part.

To finish the thought... I have ADHD so my room was always a complete disaster, except right before and after the cleaners came, but even then like 25% was just shoved in my closet. I've worked hard on little habits, tricks, KonMari... and the house, pre-COVID, hasn't gotten totally out of hand in probably 10+ years. During COVID... the basics are always taken care of (clean laundry, dishes, trash, you can walk without tripping), but without folks coming inside at least 1-2x/month, maybe more for play dates... and with kid and WFH to juggle and DH having to be away for a few months... it's not great. Basics still covered but overall messy and a little dirty (a lot dirty in some places). When DH is around it's better-- I have more time and he does 40% of inside chores... and is an overall cleaner person than I am, if not neater.

[Anonymous]

Grew up with a hoarder and DH has hoarder tendencies. I’m also a mixed media artist so lots of “stuff” for art is around. Supplies etc. But the house is clean and elegantly decorated. I have better things to do with my life than clean every day.

[Anonymous]

I also grew up in a hoarder house — like the kind you see on TV. Fridge with rotten food (we’d store food outside in the winter, I don’t remember what we did in the summer), animal feces, trash, mildew, just filth everywhere. We were lucky if we had clean clothes. To this day, I am terrified of bugs because I would wake up with roaches crawling on me. If I tried to clean, I would get hit and screamed at, so it was like being trapped. I was eventually able to keep my own room neat, but even that was hard. The house would be cleaned probably once a year when social services would get a report and check, but we were always too scared to say anything. It was a nightmare. I am obsessively neat (compulsively), and often host and invite people over because I was never able to have anyone over growing up. (I was also bullied relentlessly because in middle school people knew. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also grew up in a hoarder house — like the kind you see on TV. Fridge with rotten food (we’d store food outside in the winter, I don’t remember what we did in the summer), animal feces, trash, mildew, just filth everywhere. We were lucky if we had clean clothes. To this day, I am terrified of bugs because I would wake up with roaches crawling on me. If I tried to clean, I would get hit and screamed at, so it was like being trapped. I was eventually able to keep my own room neat, but even that was hard. The house would be cleaned probably once a year when social services would get a report and check, but we were always too scared to say anything. It was a nightmare. I am obsessively neat (compulsively), and often host and invite people over because I was never able to have anyone over growing up. (I was also bullied relentlessly because in middle school people knew. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.)

I am so sorry. I’m sending so much love to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a messy house, which is still messy even with me and my sibs grown and gone. DH grew up in a clean house, or so I think. His parents’ house is clean now; I assume it was at least somewhat messier when they had four kids at home, but still cleaner than mine. Our house is way cleaner than my parents’ house, but not nearly as clean as my ILs’. The mess at my parents’ house stresses me out and makes me not want to visit.

Same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also grew up in a hoarder house — like the kind you see on TV. Fridge with rotten food (we’d store food outside in the winter, I don’t remember what we did in the summer), animal feces, trash, mildew, just filth everywhere. We were lucky if we had clean clothes. To this day, I am terrified of bugs because I would wake up with roaches crawling on me. If I tried to clean, I would get hit and screamed at, so it was like being trapped. I was eventually able to keep my own room neat, but even that was hard. The house would be cleaned probably once a year when social services would get a report and check, but we were always too scared to say anything. It was a nightmare. I am obsessively neat (compulsively), and often host and invite people over because I was never able to have anyone over growing up. (I was also bullied relentlessly because in middle school people knew. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.)

I am so sorry. I’m sending so much love to you.

Thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also grew up in a hoarder house — like the kind you see on TV. Fridge with rotten food (we’d store food outside in the winter, I don’t remember what we did in the summer), animal feces, trash, mildew, just filth everywhere. We were lucky if we had clean clothes. To this day, I am terrified of bugs because I would wake up with roaches crawling on me. If I tried to clean, I would get hit and screamed at, so it was like being trapped. I was eventually able to keep my own room neat, but even that was hard. The house would be cleaned probably once a year when social services would get a report and check, but we were always too scared to say anything. It was a nightmare. I am obsessively neat (compulsively), and often host and invite people over because I was never able to have anyone over growing up. (I was also bullied relentlessly because in middle school people knew. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.)

I am so sorry. I’m sending so much love to you.

Thank you very much.

Sorry, OP. DH grew up similarly (though maybe not as bad) rotten food, no one visiting at the house, huge pressure to conform - why would anyone want to be in a clean environment? Who needs clean laundry, etc. and fresh food? Eating old food was encouraged. Who do you think you are? if you wanted something fresh or different. It is awful and I sympathize. MIL was a product of the Depression and made to feel guilty for existing or being hungry. So sad.