Did you grow up in a neat or a messy home, and how did it affect you

[Anonymous]

Moderately clean house, with occasional clutter or a mess if we'd been busy and hadn't put our usual level of cleaning in. Am same as an adult.

DH grew up with neatnik parents who never put anything out of place and whose place was always spotless. I cannot for the life of me fathom how such a messy adult came out of such a home. DH is the kind of person who comes in and drops things wherever he happens to be -- clothes, shoes, bags, keys. His office, where I never go in, looks like it's been ransacked. I don't think it's rebellion from such a neat home; he professes to want a clean space but seems clueless as to how mess accrues. I think it's because his mom was such a neatfreak that she swooped in everytime he dropped something and put it away. If you are neat, teach your kids to pick up after themselves, folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were your parents tidy? Was your house spic-and-span? Or was it cluttered, musty and dusty?
How has this affected your adult family life -- do you insist on keeping an orderly home? Do you splay out and let things go to seed?

Clean means no dust, mud, germs, stains galore.

Tidy means things are put away where they belong most of the time, and not laying o the floor, hallway, chairs, counters, etc.

Usually a place has to be tidy first in order to clean it properly. Although you can just keep moving piles around if that’s your thing.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a disorganized house. It was not exactly messy, but stuff was always jammed in random places, the bulletin board was always overflowing with post its. There was no kitchen organization or any organization that I could tell. I was also messy UNTIL I had a house and kids of my own. Now, and especially during the pandemic, I have been a little obsessed with organizing and labeling. Makes me feel like I have a handle.

[Anonymous]

Clean but very homey. I was very happy growing up.

[Anonymous]

My mom was neat, but house was cluttered. They weren’t hoarders but even as they grew wealthy clung to their immigrant mentality and could give or throw things away. My mom was a scientist But not a neat freak about mopping, disinfecting, washing sheets etc. it just wasn’t done as often as is prescribed, but things looked presentable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a clean and comfortable house. We moved all around the world, and sometimes we had servants and sometimes we didn't. Regardless our house was always spic and span whether mom did all the housework or the maids did. No matter where we lived, as kids our house was the house other kids came to play at and my parents entertained their friends a lot. It was a wonderful experience.

As an adult I think my household and one of my sisters has a household that is the same. We have a sibling who never "got" the thing about cleaning up after yourself and so that household is very haphazard and messy. It is hard to be in there because the house feels dirty and disorganized, and there is a high level of stress associated with everything.

That was the nice thing about our house growing up - it was a wonderful haven. Living our lives, in nice housing sometimes with servants, sounds nice but it was difficult to move all the time and always in a new environment. We were always having to adjust. Yet when we moved we always had "our" home. Our house always had "our" things in it and looked like "our" home. Occasionally our parents would even take in families who were having difficulties and they would stay for a night or two if there was some discordance in their household. I can't tell you how many kids (not close friends who would have been in our house otherwise) over the years came up to tell me later how much they had liked being at our house and how lucky we were. I totally agree.

That's what my husband and I want for our household. We're foster parents and I think we've achieved that. I hope that the children who have been with us during terrible, turbulent times in their lives feel good about the time they spent with us and that we were their haven during a difficult period. It isn't about things, it is about feel.

Thank you for being foster parents! I just heard about a charity that redecorates bedrooms for foster children. Room redux, maybe? I thought it was a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was neat, but house was cluttered. They weren’t hoarders but even as they grew wealthy clung to their immigrant mentality and could give or throw things away. My mom was a scientist But not a neat freak about mopping, disinfecting, washing sheets etc. it just wasn’t done as often as is prescribed, but things looked presentable.

Didn’t finish my post here. My house is neater, but I struggle with clutter and getting rid of things, my dear mom passed away so I have a lot of my parents’ things that are sentimental, though I also got rid of a ton. I like a lived in house with personal touches, so it’s nice to see things that remind me of her Everywhere.

[Anonymous]

My mom was in a bad marriage and rage cleaned the house every weekend. Our home was clean but we didn’t have much money so it wasn’t well decorated or anything. I used to marvel at my friends’ nicely decorated and cozy homes. As adult now I admittedly obsess over having a warm, well decorated home. Not as clean as hers though.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in an insanely clean home. My mom vaccumed twice a day.

My home is very clean, but not to the level of the home I grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our house was always clean and not cluttered, but not obsessively clean. Like nobody was scrubbing the baseboards regularly, and there might be some dusty shelves and stuff. That's pretty much how my house is now.

+1 DH on the other hand grew up in a filthy home, and now can't stand dirt or clutter. Though he never does seem to notice dust.

I’m like your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moderately clean house, with occasional clutter or a mess if we'd been busy and hadn't put our usual level of cleaning in. Am same as an adult.

DH grew up with neatnik parents who never put anything out of place and whose place was always spotless. I cannot for the life of me fathom how such a messy adult came out of such a home. DH is the kind of person who comes in and drops things wherever he happens to be -- clothes, shoes, bags, keys. His office, where I never go in, looks like it's been ransacked. I don't think it's rebellion from such a neat home; he professes to want a clean space but seems clueless as to how mess accrues. I think it's because his mom was such a neatfreak that she swooped in everytime he dropped something and put it away. If you are neat, teach your kids to pick up after themselves, folks!

I posted above (hoarder home and super organized myself) and alas this is my problem with my kid - I often have no patience to wait/enforce his cleaning up; I do try to when I have the energy...

[Anonymous]

Total neat-freak mom. My mom was always cleaning and putting things away. If she couldn't smell bleach, it wasn't clean. And she worked full-time, too. I think she felt powerless about a lot of things in her life, and keeping a super clean home was her way of exerting control over something. It was far from a healthy dynamic. My brother and I both had weekly chores and helped out, but we never did a good enough job in her eyes. My dad did absolutely nothing to help around the house.

As a young adult, I was a bit obsessive about my living space (and probably a bit of an unbearable roommate), but I learned to relax. My brother and I now have very similar houses - clean overall, but cluttered in places. I'm definitely teaching my kids to pick up after themselves and how to clean, but I don't obsess over it.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in a legit hoarder home. I am a lot tidier (I’m so proud of the progress I have made) but still not as tidy as I should be and it’s a strain on my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extremely clean home. My mother took pride that when the pastor came over, he said he could "eat off the floor." My mom was maniacally obsessed with keeping things clean and organized, and she did it all herself when I was young. I marvel at it now. I think psychologically, it was an image thing, because she grew up poor (but clean!) and needed cleanliness to show she was good enough/had class/etc, could at least not be a dirty poor person. The cleanness was proof of worth, and next to godliness.

Today, my house pretty clean but I leave dishes overnight sometimes and I do not stress. I have a housecleaner to help. I love things to be clean but can't see how I could keep it all up myself without going nuts. I am not up to my mom's standards.

Another difference between my mom and I, is that I am very minimalist while she liked to have stuff. I don't want to take care of so much stuff. This is probably a boomer/gen x difference.

This is extremely insightful of you. DH grew up mid-lower class (ie: had nothing extra, wore hand me downs, like many of us) - but MIL was depressed and not "into" anything except obeying orders from FIL. Cleaning was absolutely NOT on her radar, nor is it today. Not much of anything was/is on her radar, except maybe television, which I always thought was kind of sad. In my family, we didn't have a lot, but we all worked hard and from a young age outside the home. Mom worked full time, among other things, and absolutely kept a clean house regularly. For her, it was having pride in what little one had, no matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely clean home. My mother took pride that when the pastor came over, he said he could "eat off the floor." My mom was maniacally obsessed with keeping things clean and organized, and she did it all herself when I was young. I marvel at it now. I think psychologically, it was an image thing, because she grew up poor (but clean!) and needed cleanliness to show she was good enough/had class/etc, could at least not be a dirty poor person. The cleanness was proof of worth, and next to godliness.

Today, my house pretty clean but I leave dishes overnight sometimes and I do not stress. I have a housecleaner to help. I love things to be clean but can't see how I could keep it all up myself without going nuts. I am not up to my mom's standards.

Another difference between my mom and I, is that I am very minimalist while she liked to have stuff. I don't want to take care of so much stuff. This is probably a boomer/gen x difference.

This is extremely insightful of you. DH grew up mid-lower class (ie: had nothing extra, wore hand me downs, like many of us) - but MIL was depressed and not "into" anything except obeying orders from FIL. Cleaning was absolutely NOT on her radar, nor is it today. Not much of anything was/is on her radar, except maybe television, which I always thought was kind of sad. In my family, we didn't have a lot, but we all worked hard and from a young age outside the home. Mom worked full time, among other things, and absolutely kept a clean house regularly. For her, it was having pride in what little one had, no matter.

Forgot to add, when the ILs came over when we first married (before HGTV), they constantly questioned why we didn't have mail/laundry/shoes/etc all over the house, or why we wanted things to look nice (not posh, or high end anything, just nice) and thought we were somehow showing off - which is still funny to me - especially because I never thought to comment on how they lived. Apparently, they liked it better when DH was a bachelor and had stains rugs and a stained futon, instead of a clean one. LOL. So posh!