The All Boys School Conundrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what’s your point? Why do you GAF what people say? My son is applying to several schools that had some concerns about toxic masculinity etc and he’s kind and so nice. And all of his friends who went to these schools are really nice.

Why do you listen to people trashing these schools? Don’t be a sheep. It’s not like your son is going to join the klan after going to one of them. He’ll likely be athletic and get a good education and make lasting friendships in a rigorous academic environment. Usually they profess to understand boys as well.

Actually two friends’ sons have become alternative right after starting at one of these schools. Peers are more influential than parents. They started watching Ben Shapiro and other right wing shows casually with friends and now they are full blown right wing.

Holy moly! Kids went to a quality school, learned to think critically, and now have opinions of their own! Parents need to demand a refund!

Ben Shapiro is hardly “alt right.” He’s actually quite popular with teen boys at a number of these so- called liberal schools. My son and his friends included.

1. Alt right isn’t an opinion; it’s white supremacist propaganda

2. Where’s Ben Shapiro is alt right or something else, he is an idiot. As are most pundits. Can’t these kids just read real books by real scholars? Adults too.

He’s actually quite refreshing. You think he’s an idiot because he disagrees with you, of course

You have no idea what my view are, on anything. I think he’s an idiot because he’s an idiot. He’s sensationalist, understudies, and acontextual, among other things. Like I said, read real books by real scholars. Stop listening to the yammering on twitter and television.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what’s your point? Why do you GAF what people say? My son is applying to several schools that had some concerns about toxic masculinity etc and he’s kind and so nice. And all of his friends who went to these schools are really nice.

Why do you listen to people trashing these schools? Don’t be a sheep. It’s not like your son is going to join the klan after going to one of them. He’ll likely be athletic and get a good education and make lasting friendships in a rigorous academic environment. Usually they profess to understand boys as well.

Actually two friends’ sons have become alternative right after starting at one of these schools. Peers are more influential than parents. They started watching Ben Shapiro and other right wing shows casually with friends and now they are full blown right wing.

Holy moly! Kids went to a quality school, learned to think critically, and now have opinions of their own! Parents need to demand a refund!

Ben Shapiro is hardly “alt right.” He’s actually quite popular with teen boys at a number of these so- called liberal schools. My son and his friends included.

1. Alt right isn’t an opinion; it’s white supremacist propaganda

2. Where’s Ben Shapiro is alt right or something else, he is an idiot. As are most pundits. Can’t these kids just read real books by real scholars? Adults too.

He’s actually quite refreshing. You think he’s an idiot because he disagrees with you, of course

Yes I generally disagree with people that make racist, homophobic, and misogynistic comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband attended an elite Catholic boys school in the Northeast. Predominantly but not exclusively white. TBH I find interest in whether these institutions are racially representative kind of bizarre--they are not representative in any other way; why would this one be different?

The school my husband attended abuts a monastery where the Church rotated known pedophiles for many decades. All of that is on the books of the criminal justice system in the state at this point. There were (and are) monks living there about whom the students were advised, by teachers, "don't be near him alone."

We get the alumni magazine, which of course does not address any of this despite it all being in the news with some regularity. It is striking to read through. Probably a third of recent graduates attend Catholic institutions of higher education--fine if it is your bag, some of them are great. Not one single admission to a service academy, no one joined the military, no one entered a police or fire academy, no one attended a community college, less than a handful of regional public institutions.

The net impression is that it's a sheltered environment in which kids are kept for either an exclusively UMC/UC trajectory or for total destruction via the experience of child sexual abuse. Sometimes both.

This would not be something we would consider under any circumstances.

Guess you’ll be avoiding Boy Scouts with 85,000 abuse cases, and public schools with untold numbers hidden behind claims of immunity.

[Anonymous]

How about you ask your kid where he wants to go?

By 8th grade, kids can have an opinion.

I always wanted an all-boys Jesuit HS for my sons after seeing the bonds my father had with his 5 friends that lasted well into their 7th/8th decades of life. As an only child, they are like brothers ...and 2nd dads to me.

My kids had the option of our public HS and toured a few privates. They overwhelmingly felt at home at the all-boys HS they now attend. I really see the benefit over our local HS and the same sex environment.

I could GAF what anyone else thinks of that choice.

People on this Board are more concerned about what others think about their choices.

OP- it’s a personal choice to make.

[Anonymous]

I find the people that trash a school the hardest usually did not get accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the people that trash a school the hardest usually did not get accepted.

Or have no idea what they're talking about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the people that trash a school the hardest usually did not get accepted.

+1

[Anonymous]

What is St Anselm's doing right? In other words, what is it about the school that has helped it avoid the Lord of the Flies or racist/misogynist fates of Landon, etc?

[Anonymous]

OP here. A lot of people have expressed that I “shouldn’t care about what other people think” and “we should do what’s best for our son and our family”. I totally agree with that. But, like any big decision in life, we are doing some due diligence and can’t help but register the negative opinions so many people seem to have about the all-boys schools in this area. Since our son is an only child we thought the “brotherhood” of all all-boys school might be a great benefit for him. He is bright and loves sports and there seem to be at least 4 great options right in the area that could fit that learning profile (and I suppose SSSA and DeMatha are options as well, but not as geographically convenient). The lord of the flies/ racist/ homophobic/ alt right elements are not appealing to us at all. No school will tell you about that on the interview. They will tell you about the brotherhood. It’s a hard topic to really “kick the tires” and find out the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of people have expressed that I “shouldn’t care about what other people think” and “we should do what’s best for our son and our family”. I totally agree with that. But, like any big decision in life, we are doing some due diligence and can’t help but register the negative opinions so many people seem to have about the all-boys schools in this area. Since our son is an only child we thought the “brotherhood” of all all-boys school might be a great benefit for him. He is bright and loves sports and there seem to be at least 4 great options right in the area that could fit that learning profile (and I suppose SSSA and DeMatha are options as well, but not as geographically convenient). The lord of the flies/ racist/ homophobic/ alt right elements are not appealing to us at all. No school will tell you about that on the interview. They will tell you about the brotherhood. It’s a hard topic to really “kick the tires” and find out the truth.

You think that co-ed schools have none of this? Ha.

[Anonymous]

OP, unfortunately (as you can see) most people commenting here have no actual experience with the schools you are considering. Talk to current and former parents. (It’s much harder this year with virtual open houses, but the admissions offices could likely facilitate this.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of people have expressed that I “shouldn’t care about what other people think” and “we should do what’s best for our son and our family”. I totally agree with that. But, like any big decision in life, we are doing some due diligence and can’t help but register the negative opinions so many people seem to have about the all-boys schools in this area. Since our son is an only child we thought the “brotherhood” of all all-boys school might be a great benefit for him. He is bright and loves sports and there seem to be at least 4 great options right in the area that could fit that learning profile (and I suppose SSSA and DeMatha are options as well, but not as geographically convenient). The lord of the flies/ racist/ homophobic/ alt right elements are not appealing to us at all. No school will tell you about that on the interview. They will tell you about the brotherhood. It’s a hard topic to really “kick the tires” and find out the truth.

I would ask more about the values of the school. Do you want the teachings of the Catholic church in a school? The Episcopal church? Or no religion? Those differences will affect the climate to some extent, depending on what would fit your family best. There are a lot of posters who say terrible things about boys schools and boarding schools, and I would wager they don't have much current personal experience with either. Is a boys school for every boy? Definitely not. You need to trust your instincts on that as a parent. I was a bit nervous before enrolling my son in a boys school, but we trusted our instincts and have been really happy with it all around. We are a very tolerant family, and so are the other families we know there. They are kind, non-judgmental and laid back, and the school is diverse as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband attended an elite Catholic boys school in the Northeast. Predominantly but not exclusively white. TBH I find interest in whether these institutions are racially representative kind of bizarre--they are not representative in any other way; why would this one be different?

The school my husband attended abuts a monastery where the Church rotated known pedophiles for many decades. All of that is on the books of the criminal justice system in the state at this point. There were (and are) monks living there about whom the students were advised, by teachers, "don't be near him alone."

We get the alumni magazine, which of course does not address any of this despite it all being in the news with some regularity. It is striking to read through. Probably a third of recent graduates attend Catholic institutions of higher education--fine if it is your bag, some of them are great. Not one single admission to a service academy, no one joined the military, no one entered a police or fire academy, no one attended a community college, less than a handful of regional public institutions.

The net impression is that it's a sheltered environment in which kids are kept for either an exclusively UMC/UC trajectory or for total destruction via the experience of child sexual abuse. Sometimes both.

This would not be something we would consider under any circumstances.

So you would rule out ALL 9,000 boys Catholic schools based on what happened 30 years ago at one school. Do you also rule out going to all restaurants when you have a bad experience at one?

Not PP but my family member was part of the team that investigated prep for the sex abuse scandal and the fact that modern day Jesuit schools still hid an abuser and coached kids to slander a boy to investigators ... yep ... ruled out Jesuit schools. Not all schools Jesuit schools. It wasn’t 30 years ago it was 15 ... 15 years ago, and people still send their kids there.

So how many years would you suggest people wait before sending kids to any Jesuit schools? 50, 100, 300?

I guess I’d wait until the staff that were involved were gone, the Jesuits admit fault and pay the victims.

So how many years would you suggest that will take? 50, 100, 300?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, unfortunately (as you can see) most people commenting here have no actual experience with the schools you are considering. Talk to current and former parents. (It’s much harder this year with virtual open houses, but the admissions offices could likely facilitate this.)

Actually I think most have experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the people that trash a school the hardest usually did not get accepted.

Or have no idea what they're talking about

Or attended and were disappointed