If you are living your best life right now, are you smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Not all spouses of SAHPs have precarious positions or unstable marriages.

When did I say they did?

Above! You just correlated the poster’s situation to your sad friend. Otherwise there would have been no reason to bring her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Not all spouses of SAHPs have precarious positions or unstable marriages.

Lots of people didn’t have precarious positions until Covid hit. Now they are screwed. Short of the working parent being a Fed (at which point money might be tight) there is always a danger of a job disappearing and that’s a risk of only one parent working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Not all spouses of SAHPs have precarious positions or unstable marriages.

Lots of people didn’t have precarious positions until Covid hit. Now they are screwed. Short of the working parent being a Fed (at which point money might be tight) there is always a danger of a job disappearing and that’s a risk of only one parent working.

I’m a physician. My husband is a stay at home Dad. Our positions in the medical field are not the least bit precarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our life is not that different. I am a SAHM. My kids have been playing tennis all spring and summer. Our pool is now open. We went to the beach back in June when kids were still in virtual school. We have been biking, hiking and fishing since April. My youngest is 3 so we always ate a lot of take out vs eating in at restaurants.

We were avoiding friends. We just recently saw a few friends and it really made me appreciate the friends I really love. It has also made me glad to not see the ones I’m not fond of.

We did have to cancel all our travel plans and have no upcoming trips. We cancelled Asia, Europe, West Coast and several tentative beach trips. I cancelled a much anticipated girls trip with friends that was very hard to plan. Many of my friends turned 40 this year and all plans and parties were cancelled. My kids birthday parties were cancelled.

We will survive. Our summer of pool, tennis, golf and beach does not feel that different.

This is smug.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert with major social anxiety, yes, being home and little socializing has been fantastic for me. Thriving even. But no, I'm not smug. I'd much rather be ... someone without crippling social anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Maybe if daycare-work-out-of-the-home parents hadn’t been so condescending and insufferable, they wouldn’t have smug, gloating friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our life is not that different. I am a SAHM. My kids have been playing tennis all spring and summer. Our pool is now open. We went to the beach back in June when kids were still in virtual school. We have been biking, hiking and fishing since April. My youngest is 3 so we always ate a lot of take out vs eating in at restaurants.

We were avoiding friends. We just recently saw a few friends and it really made me appreciate the friends I really love. It has also made me glad to not see the ones I’m not fond of.

We did have to cancel all our travel plans and have no upcoming trips. We cancelled Asia, Europe, West Coast and several tentative beach trips. I cancelled a much anticipated girls trip with friends that was very hard to plan. Many of my friends turned 40 this year and all plans and parties were cancelled. My kids birthday parties were cancelled.

We will survive. Our summer of pool, tennis, golf and beach does not feel that different.

This is smug.

Yeah. Intentionally so. This is the kind of annoying half troll crap I write when I’m feeling depressed, likely a little drunk, and want to get some sad, fleeting rush out of feeling better than anonymous strangers on the internet. But at least I’m self aware about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our life is not that different. I am a SAHM. My kids have been playing tennis all spring and summer. Our pool is now open. We went to the beach back in June when kids were still in virtual school. We have been biking, hiking and fishing since April. My youngest is 3 so we always ate a lot of take out vs eating in at restaurants.

We were avoiding friends. We just recently saw a few friends and it really made me appreciate the friends I really love. It has also made me glad to not see the ones I’m not fond of.

We did have to cancel all our travel plans and have no upcoming trips. We cancelled Asia, Europe, West Coast and several tentative beach trips. I cancelled a much anticipated girls trip with friends that was very hard to plan. Many of my friends turned 40 this year and all plans and parties were cancelled. My kids birthday parties were cancelled.

We will survive. Our summer of pool, tennis, golf and beach does not feel that different.

This is smug.

Yeah. Intentionally so. This is the kind of annoying half troll crap I write when I’m feeling depressed, likely a little drunk, and want to get some sad, fleeting rush out of feeling better than anonymous strangers on the internet. But at least I’m self aware about it.

I’m the pp. I said our life wasn’t that different minus travel. We are now in Phase 3 in Virginia. Things are returning to some semblance of normal. Schools are opening, albeit will be on a hybrid system. My kids don’t play baseball but our friends have started playing. My kids will start soccer in late August/early September. I plan to send my 3yo to preschool in the fall.

I have lots of working friends. I used to be a working mom. I have friends who already started sending kids back to daycare or have had their nanny all along. My friends with older kids have also hired help - high school kids, college students and teachers.

Pools are open. Beaches are open. Parks and playgrounds are open. Stores and restaurants are open. We pick and choose what we consider safe. We spend much more time at home.

I am not living my best life right now. I’m just trying to make the most of it. I’ve always been a glass is half full type of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if daycare-work-out-of-the-home parents hadn’t been so condescending and insufferable, they wouldn’t have smug, gloating friends.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if daycare-work-out-of-the-home parents hadn’t been so condescending and insufferable, they wouldn’t have smug, gloating friends.

This.

I’m the pp who said life isn’t different. I don’t act smug around working parents. What a strange thing to say. I also don’t have friends who are condescending to me. I always offer to carpool and host lots of play dates during non covid times. Two of my children have had one play date each since March. My third child has not seen any friends since March.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our life is not that different. I am a SAHM. My kids have been playing tennis all spring and summer. Our pool is now open. We went to the beach back in June when kids were still in virtual school. We have been biking, hiking and fishing since April. My youngest is 3 so we always ate a lot of take out vs eating in at restaurants.

We were avoiding friends. We just recently saw a few friends and it really made me appreciate the friends I really love. It has also made me glad to not see the ones I’m not fond of.

We did have to cancel all our travel plans and have no upcoming trips. We cancelled Asia, Europe, West Coast and several tentative beach trips. I cancelled a much anticipated girls trip with friends that was very hard to plan. Many of my friends turned 40 this year and all plans and parties were cancelled. My kids birthday parties were cancelled.

We will survive. Our summer of pool, tennis, golf and beach does not feel that different.

This is smug.

Yeah. Intentionally so. This is the kind of annoying half troll crap I write when I’m feeling depressed, likely a little drunk, and want to get some sad, fleeting rush out of feeling better than anonymous strangers on the internet. But at least I’m self aware about it.

I’m the pp. I said our life wasn’t that different minus travel. We are now in Phase 3 in Virginia. Things are returning to some semblance of normal. Schools are opening, albeit will be on a hybrid system. My kids don’t play baseball but our friends have started playing. My kids will start soccer in late August/early September. I plan to send my 3yo to preschool in the fall.

I have lots of working friends. I used to be a working mom. I have friends who already started sending kids back to daycare or have had their nanny all along. My friends with older kids have also hired help - high school kids, college students and teachers.

Pools are open. Beaches are open. Parks and playgrounds are open. Stores and restaurants are open. We pick and choose what we consider safe. We spend much more time at home.

I am not living my best life right now. I’m just trying to make the most of it. I’ve always been a glass is half full type of person.

It’s easy to be a “glass is half full” person when you’re extremely privileged. I mean, you had trips to Asia, Europe, West Coast, girls trip, and multiple beach vacations planned all for one summer? I mean, we’re pretty well off and we still don’t have that!!

You have nothing to apologize for, of course, but don’t pat yourself on your back for not complaining when you lead an extremely privileged life, and the “issues” you’re dealing with are that you’re missing out on extreme luxury.

[Anonymous]

Some have it easier than others but who is actually living their best lives during covid?

[Anonymous]

Smug I am not. I had a baby and then major emergency surgery 10 days after in the middle of the pandemic. It was horrible. But I used to get so much blowback and pressure from friends about our well paid live in nanny. Making comments about how they don’t know anyone who pays their nanny that much (because we pay taxes), why don’t we do preschool/daycare. It had gotten to my husband because he started questioning should we have a full time nanny. I had resisted people’s comments because as a working mom, I knew drop off and pickup and everything would fall on me. Eff that!

Because we pay her well and treat her like family she decided to shelter in place with us. It was a blessing because I wasn’t allowed to have baby in the hospital with me after the surgery (so the nanny helped my husband with the newborn) I couldn’t walk and was in so much pain after the surgery. Thank god we had help.

OP don’t be that grass is always greener, jealous type. This pandemic is horrible. People are dying alone in hospitals. People are losing their jobs. They miss thier loved ones. The smug people are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am smug. My two sisters have given me shit for years about having a highly educated and expensive nanny. They told me repeatedly that I could have a bigger house and go on fancy vacations if I just got rid of the nanny and put my kids in daycare.

My oldest had nanny’s expert tutoring for his DL first grade and ended the year with two academic achievement awards. And my two younger kids are still blissfully happy with all the amazing and creative learning activities nanny has for them in our tiny backyard. DH and get full days of work in from home in our sweats and zero commute. We’ve both lost weight by running together when nanny arrives at 7:30 and having time after five to leisurely cook a healthy meal together.

Meanwhile my two sisters are suffering and their kids are fighting and addicted to TV. My sisters and Brothers-in-law are not getting their work done and overwhelmed by childcare and distance learning in their big houses.

So yeah, I am sitting pretty smug right now!

That is fantastic. Do you think you'll skip him two or three grades when he hits middle school? He is on the fast track for the Ivy League, and then fame and fortune, for sure.

Jealous much?!! Wow... NP here and you are really pathetic, PP.

You don't think someone admitting she is being smug about her "highly educated and expensive nanny" providing "expert tutoring" so her *first grader* (!!) won "academic achievement awards" (and WTF is that for a first grader?) deserves even the teeniest bit of mockery?

Really?

And no, I am not jealous of someone who thinks like that. At all.

I don’t believe you.

OK. But you didn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.

I find the above attitudes just as bad as the smug people. There's nothing wrong with a simple life, centered around family. I don't need fancy vacations and a million activities to enjoy my life. There's no excuse for either extreme. I worry about all people suffering with the disease or from its economic effects. I worry about societal instability. I worry about the lack of federal response. But I'm not dumb enough to not recognize my good fortune when I experience it.

Agree! Some of us are self-sufficient. We have young children whom we spend time with ourselves. So the pandemic hasn’t impacted us too badly.

No one is saying everyone's life is hellish. But hasn't impacted too badly =/= living your best life. This should be obvious.