If you are living your best life right now, are you smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.

I’ll bite.

I am living my best life right now, but I’m not smug at all! I feel incredibly fortunate, and I am very aware that nearly everyone else is struggling mightily right now. I truly feel bad for others who are in a tough spot, and without going into detail, I am trying to do the best I can to make life easier on others. But I can’t stop covid. So, I’m happy, and grateful. Never smug though - 99% of what’s working for me right now is just plain old good luck, and I know the other shoe will drop.

But for now - we have a six month old. A very wanted pregnancy that was a long time coming and ended in a healthy and delightful little guy. The newborn stage was hellish, of course, but now he’s sleep trained, and on a great schedule, and he so interactive. I’ve always loved babies, and I am honestly loving every day with him. My husband is fantastic. Of course the pandemic affects us, we wish we could spend time with other people we love, and are definitely missing our families. But for me personally (not that I would ever wish this upon the world!) Covid + baby is way better than no COVID and no baby. I don’t think that means we had a “crap life before.” And I’m not out of touch - I’m very aware that almost everyone is in some version of hell right now, and I feel awful for them.

[Anonymous]

I’m extremely grateful that my life is no worse than pre-pandemic. My youngest child is 14. I have been able to WFH. My husband has had to go into work but he only works with a couple people. I should mention that we are in a small city, which has a population about the size of silver spring. Everything around it is small towns/rural. So not densely populated.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Of course it sucks that my kids’ activities were cancelled.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you have no idea what is going on in other peoples houses. I don't know anyone smug and I know a mix of SAHM, Work a Home with nanny moms and all kinds of part timers in the mix. We are all upper middle class. No on, I mean no one, thinks they are living their best life right now. You sound insecure.

[Anonymous]

PP here. DH and I both work from home, still get full pay, understanding bosses, flexible schedule, one kid, HH income 400k. And this still sucks.

[Anonymous]

I am living my best life but I make up a few things to complain about. I don't want people to think I have it too easy and hate me. I do empathize with their problems but that doesn't seem to be enough. I also have to air my own issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Not all spouses of SAHPs have precarious positions or unstable marriages.

When did I say they did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. I’m more than “a little inconvenienced.” My kids had just started spring swim lessons when Covid hit. We were planning all sorts of summer water activities. That all ended.

That said, I have a newborn and I wasn’t going to travel or go out a lot this summer. In a way it’s kind of nice to have a newborn now and know that I’m not missing out on anything. It’s been really nice to connect as a family during this time. I think it would be really hard to be single right now. The children are a lot of work but they also bring us so much joy and fill the house with laughter.

A young child missing a season of swim lessons barely registers as even “a little inconvenienced”. Good lord.

Well given that drowning is a tip killer of young children I understand why PP is upset that her kid isn’t learning to swim anytime soon. It’s not like she’s complaining because her kid can’t ride a bike or ski or something trivial like that.

[Anonymous]

top not tip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.

I’ll bite.

I am living my best life right now, but I’m not smug at all! I feel incredibly fortunate, and I am very aware that nearly everyone else is struggling mightily right now. I truly feel bad for others who are in a tough spot, and without going into detail, I am trying to do the best I can to make life easier on others. But I can’t stop covid. So, I’m happy, and grateful. Never smug though - 99% of what’s working for me right now is just plain old good luck, and I know the other shoe will drop.

But for now - we have a six month old. A very wanted pregnancy that was a long time coming and ended in a healthy and delightful little guy. The newborn stage was hellish, of course, but now he’s sleep trained, and on a great schedule, and he so interactive. I’ve always loved babies, and I am honestly loving every day with him. My husband is fantastic. Of course the pandemic affects us, we wish we could spend time with other people we love, and are definitely missing our families. But for me personally (not that I would ever wish this upon the world!) Covid + baby is way better than no COVID and no baby. I don’t think that means we had a “crap life before.” And I’m not out of touch - I’m very aware that almost everyone is in some version of hell right now, and I feel awful for them.

I’m so happy for you PP. Enjoy this time with your sweet baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m extremely grateful that my life is no worse than pre-pandemic. My youngest child is 14. I have been able to WFH. My husband has had to go into work but he only works with a couple people. I should mention that we are in a small city, which has a population about the size of silver spring. Everything around it is small towns/rural. So not densely populated.

Presumably your 14yo’s life is much worse off though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.

I find the above attitudes just as bad as the smug people. There's nothing wrong with a simple life, centered around family. I don't need fancy vacations and a million activities to enjoy my life. There's no excuse for either extreme. I worry about all people suffering with the disease or from its economic effects. I worry about societal instability. I worry about the lack of federal response. But I'm not dumb enough to not recognize my good fortune when I experience it.

Agree! Some of us are self-sufficient. We have young children whom we spend time with ourselves. So the pandemic hasn’t impacted us too badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m extremely grateful that my life is no worse than pre-pandemic. My youngest child is 14. I have been able to WFH. My husband has had to go into work but he only works with a couple people. I should mention that we are in a small city, which has a population about the size of silver spring. Everything around it is small towns/rural. So not densely populated.

Presumably your 14yo’s life is much worse off though?

Yes the 14yo is not pleased about no activities. I suspect he’ll feel much worse once school starts. We are a family of introverts and we don’t travel much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my normal summer so how is it anything different. Its being a parent. We are very involved so home or school makes no difference to us. Sorry you weren't prepared to actually care for your kids every day but some of us are. Its not smug to just figure out a new plan and make it work.

You are the definition of smug.

DCUM is so weird. How is this pots making through uncommented upon?

[Anonymous]

Our life is not that different. I am a SAHM. My kids have been playing tennis all spring and summer. Our pool is now open. We went to the beach back in June when kids were still in virtual school. We have been biking, hiking and fishing since April. My youngest is 3 so we always ate a lot of take out vs eating in at restaurants.

We were avoiding friends. We just recently saw a few friends and it really made me appreciate the friends I really love. It has also made me glad to not see the ones I’m not fond of.

We did have to cancel all our travel plans and have no upcoming trips. We cancelled Asia, Europe, West Coast and several tentative beach trips. I cancelled a much anticipated girls trip with friends that was very hard to plan. Many of my friends turned 40 this year and all plans and parties were cancelled. My kids birthday parties were cancelled.

We will survive. Our summer of pool, tennis, golf and beach does not feel that different.