If you are living your best life right now, are you smug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. I’m more than “a little inconvenienced.” My kids had just started spring swim lessons when Covid hit. We were planning all sorts of summer water activities. That all ended.

That said, I have a newborn and I wasn’t going to travel or go out a lot this summer. In a way it’s kind of nice to have a newborn now and know that I’m not missing out on anything. It’s been really nice to connect as a family during this time. I think it would be really hard to be single right now. The children are a lot of work but they also bring us so much joy and fill the house with laughter.

I think you're being serious, but you do realize that your kids missing out on swim lessons and summer water activities is literally the definition of being a little inconvenienced? I mean, please tell me you see that. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my normal summer so how is it anything different. Its being a parent. We are very involved so home or school makes no difference to us. Sorry you weren't prepared to actually care for your kids every day but some of us are. Its not smug to just figure out a new plan and make it work.

You are the definition of smug.

[Anonymous]

What? My kids are older - 9 and 12 who took to distance learning really well and have adapted well- and I'm thankful that we are not dealing with diapers and toddlers and crawlers while both trying to WFH. No I'm not smug. I'm trying to be compassionate to those who can't WFH or have to WFH with little ones. I'm compassionate to those who have lost jobs or gotten sick.

I am thankful we don't have a nanny anymore, because I think it would be stressful to either pay her for not working or stressing about more contact.....but no I'm not smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the SAHMs and working moms with nannies whom I know are super smug right now, because they are perfectly prepared for this situation and are maybe a tiny bit inconvenienced, but nothing compared to the rest of us parents.

Working mom with a nanny and I’m not smug. We kept our nanny at home with full pay for three months until our state started to reopen. So we were paying a LOT more money than our friends who use daycare for the same service (nothing!). Our kids are 1 and 3, so too young to be parked with an iPad. Now that our nanny is back, I fully recognize what a fortunate situation we are in.

This was us as well. We paid our nanny for not coming to work (which we don't regret because she needs to earn a living but still, that was a big financial hit when we were having to care for the kids while working). We're still doing it through summer but we have discussed how we need her to come back when school starts because it's one thing to stagger our schedules to make sure the kids are cared for, but to add the schooling on top of it again was just too much so we will need help come the end of August.

[Anonymous]

I'm not smug.

I'm grateful that the life setup we have works for us better than two full time working families who have to provide full time child care while working full time.

And I hate being stuck. Stuck inside. Stuck without travel. Stuck with a limited way to entertain the kids.

I'm more aware than ever that what our nation expects of women is to always be the childcare providers. Other nations have done better. Other countries make it work. We could too. Don't blame other women who don't work full time desk jobs for the fact that our policies haven't adapted to this time.

Policies we could have and should advocate for:
Governmentally provided leave in order to provide childcare during COVID 19.

Socially distanced governmentally provided summer camps (DC has these. Sign your kids up!)

Others I haven't thought of.

In conclusion, fight the power, folks.

No on is living their best lives now. We're all exhausted, lonely, understimulated and severely lacking time without kdis. It sucks. For all of us. For some it sucks more. But to pretend this is a picnic for anyone and then try to trick them into saying the wrong thing and punishing them for it is a dick move.
If you

[Anonymous]

I had a chat with a SAHM friend yesterday and she told me "I'm a SAHM and I love it!" after we discussed the pandemic, WFH, dealing with social distancing (and people's different levels of comfort with that), and if I was really struggling I think that would have landed wrong and sounded smug. But I feel like she's just really grateful for her set up. I remember right after I had my baby she was so helpful to me but also said a few things that bordered on defensive, like she thought I might think her staying at home wasn't impressive or we wouldn't have anything in common or something. I don't think any of that, but it informed my not being bothered by her "I love it" comment - if she's felt like people have been looking down on her for staying home then this is the payoff. Now the sacrifice she made in the beginning has huge dividends for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. I’m more than “a little inconvenienced.” My kids had just started spring swim lessons when Covid hit. We were planning all sorts of summer water activities. That all ended.

That said, I have a newborn and I wasn’t going to travel or go out a lot this summer. In a way it’s kind of nice to have a newborn now and know that I’m not missing out on anything. It’s been really nice to connect as a family during this time. I think it would be really hard to be single right now. The children are a lot of work but they also bring us so much joy and fill the house with laughter.

I think you're being serious, but you do realize that your kids missing out on swim lessons and summer water activities is literally the definition of being a little inconvenienced? I mean, please tell me you see that. Please.

+10000

wow. just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. I’m more than “a little inconvenienced.” My kids had just started spring swim lessons when Covid hit. We were planning all sorts of summer water activities. That all ended.

That said, I have a newborn and I wasn’t going to travel or go out a lot this summer. In a way it’s kind of nice to have a newborn now and know that I’m not missing out on anything. It’s been really nice to connect as a family during this time. I think it would be really hard to be single right now. The children are a lot of work but they also bring us so much joy and fill the house with laughter.

A young child missing a season of swim lessons barely registers as even “a little inconvenienced”. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I’m a little smug. We sacrifice for a great former teacher nanny and I took a lesser position to have more time with my kids. Obviously I made these choices with no idea a pandemic would hit but very little has changed in our lives thanks to nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. I’m more than “a little inconvenienced.” My kids had just started spring swim lessons when Covid hit. We were planning all sorts of summer water activities. That all ended.

That said, I have a newborn and I wasn’t going to travel or go out a lot this summer. In a way it’s kind of nice to have a newborn now and know that I’m not missing out on anything. It’s been really nice to connect as a family during this time. I think it would be really hard to be single right now. The children are a lot of work but they also bring us so much joy and fill the house with laughter.

That's a very good definition of "a little inconvenienced." JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am smug. My two sisters have given me shit for years about having a highly educated and expensive nanny. They told me repeatedly that I could have a bigger house and go on fancy vacations if I just got rid of the nanny and put my kids in daycare.

My oldest had nanny’s expert tutoring for his DL first grade and ended the year with two academic achievement awards. And my two younger kids are still blissfully happy with all the amazing and creative learning activities nanny has for them in our tiny backyard. DH and get full days of work in from home in our sweats and zero commute. We’ve both lost weight by running together when nanny arrives at 7:30 and having time after five to leisurely cook a healthy meal together.

Meanwhile my two sisters are suffering and their kids are fighting and addicted to TV. My sisters and Brothers-in-law are not getting their work done and overwhelmed by childcare and distance learning in their big houses.

So yeah, I am sitting pretty smug right now!

That is fantastic. Do you think you'll skip him two or three grades when he hits middle school? He is on the fast track for the Ivy League, and then fame and fortune, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Not smug, but thankful I am able to SAH. My 3 yo is sad and angry about being home so much, so parenting is significantly harder. DS may grow up to have special needs, and needs constant redirection. We have a very small yard, small townhome, and while we are fortunate to double-bubble with my parents, he asks every week or so if we can switch houses or move. My folks’ house has 10x the yard, and 2x the living room, but they live in a terrible school district a few hours away, so he can’t understand why we live here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.