Blended Family - What to do about bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Explain the options to the kids and let them choose. Easy.

[Anonymous]

His two girls share a room. It is theirs.
Your child gets a room, it is theirs.
If you have another kid, you need another house with four bedrooms. The age differential will be too great for the baby to share a room with any of the existing children.

You put in a pullout bed in the rec room or other room -- your house is too small for guests who can get a proper bedroom. Queen-sized pullout couch.

And keep your assets separate. One failed relationship is not a flag. Two failed relationships? Be very careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’ve received some good advice here regarding whether you really want to procreate with this man. I get it, you probably think the pickins are slim as a single mom. But you need to get a solid prenup in place to protect your own offspring. You can make a new family with this man, but the odds are very high that this will end in divorce.

As for furniture, your kid who is with you full time gets her own room. Too much potential for conflict if you make her share with a step sibling who is only there occasionally. Put the step kids in a room with something like this: https://www.pbteen.com/m/products/store-it-corner-bed-media-hutch-set-2/?cm_cat=Google&sku=8606341&catalogId=21&cm_ite=8606341&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiPKS2cmp6QIVVODICh3nqgiCEAQYAiABEgLin_D_BwE&cm_ven=PLA&cm_pla=Furniture%20%3e%20Beds%20%26%20Headboards

For the bonus room, put in a Queen futon with a quality innerspring mattress. It can serve as a couch and your primary guest space.


If you end up needing a nursery, you’ll have to think long and hard about what goes. Maybe the baby shacks up with you until it’s old enough to move in with your daughter. No great options with 4 kids in a 3 bedroom.

OP here. My finances are protected, but I understand everyone's concern.

It's funny, when a woman is financially unstable following a divorce, people give her a pass. When a man is, he's a deadbeat. In this case, I watched him pay down over $25k of debt (while still making on time and in full child support payments) since we met. His credit has improved, but there's a big difference between mid-600s and over 800 when it comes to interest rates. If/when I refinance down the line, I'll reassess where his credit score is and if we want to include him on the loan. He also didn't just walk away from his past relationships. The relationship that produced his oldest had ended and they had moved to different states before he found out she was pregnant, and his marriage ended when his wife cheated on him with 3 people, admitted to one, then was caught hiding the two others. I'm sure he contributed to the demise of the relationships over their lifetime, but not every situation is a man just getting bored and moving on.

For people stating I'm lonely or worried about my dating pool, I'm not. I was 2 months pregnant when my husband died. I've had a lot of family members in and out of the house over the past 3 years to help when they can and I've been able to have an occasional social life. I was friends with my fiance for the first 14 months I knew him (and went on a few dates with men that y'all probably think are better matches), then we had a few dates over a couple months before agreeing to be exclusive. The thing about him that wasn't there with the others is that he didn't try to rush my grief along. Even now, years later, if I'm having a hard day with missing my late husband, he does his best to help me through.

Now back to the rooms. Thinking about this as logically as possible, I broke down the time we have each kid over the course of the year:
3yo - 100%
7yo - 50%
11yo - 20%
During the time that we have both the 7 and 11yo, the 7yo still stays with her mom on her usual schedule which could also mean they wouldn't see each other during a holiday week depending on what the youngest's mom wants to do. That also means that bedroom will only have 2 children in it at most 10% of the year. I like the corner twin bed idea posted above and think we could keep one bed set up as a bed and the other could have lots of pillows to make it more like a couch when the oldest isn't with us.

I appreciate the suggestion for the pullout in the bonus room. I'd also like to clarify that I never said I wanted a playroom for my child. The idea of a hangout room was really for the older 2 so they'd have a place for art things, music, games, general hiding out when we have friends over.

Thanks for everyone's input. As always, it's been a fun ride here on DCUM.

Sorry to hear about your husband, OP. I hope you find happiness with your fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

A few things to clarify about the house:
1. The 2 bedrooms are the same size and mirror images of one another.
2. We are going to try to have 1 more kid together (I say try due to age, we are not interested in fertility treatments) in the next year.
3. The 3 bedrooms are all nestled into one end of the house. The bonus room is literally as far away from the bedrooms as possible. I could see transitioning the oldest to the bonus room in a couple years.

The 7 and 11 year old love being together since the time apart makes it seem like a big sleepover for the time we have them both. I hadn't considered bunk beds because I don't want it to be a fight over who gets "stuck" with the top bunk, but that could be an option. I intend to let the girls loose to pick their own linens, art, decor and am happy to paint the room if they'd like.
The purpose in having a full/queen in the youngest's room is so that that is the child being displaced when someone stays with us. I'm not going to oust my step kids from their room for that. That pullout Hemnes daybed sounds like a potential solution so the beds are all the same size, and I will go ahead and look at pullout couches or something similar for the bonus room just to have an option.

Regarding the comments about my relationship and my fiancé being disconnected or uncaring, y'all are off base. He adores all 3 kids and is a great father. The way that he was raised has made it hard for him to trust that life doesn't always have to be a struggle and he does his best not to inconvenience anyone in anyway. I think that's why he struggles with the rooming situation. I did buy the house without him because he has not fully financially recovered from his divorce (credit score is bad, but is out of debt) and I make 3x what he does in addition to having the proceeds from my home sale after my DH died and an excellent credit score.

This entire situation makes no sense. Why are you having a child with a man you aren't married to and cannot afford another child? You shouldn't be moving in together until you are married except in a situation like you are getting benefits from your former husband and would lose them i you married.

Ok, here is another way. You take the bonus room if it is the biggest (add a bathroom if needed). Your child gets one room, girls get another bedroom with twin beds or bunk beds (don't get a day bed with a pull out as that child who has the pull out is always a visitor) and take the master/largest bedroom as a dual guest room and play room that later can be turned into another bedroom if needed. You can do a murphy bed for the playroom or sofa bed or just get a nice air mattress. Also, get your 3 year old a full sized bed that can be used as a guest room if necessary. The three year old can go on an air mattress in the play room or in your bedroom if needed.

It sounds like this was not a good house choice.

There is no question the girls should have a bedroom and each should have a bed, dresser, decorations some toys and clothing at your house. I would put the two girls together as they are older and the three year old, who sounds like a boy in his own room. Then when you have another child, if its a boy, the boys can share a room and if not the play room/guest room gets turned into a bedroom and you will not have a guest room like most people don't have. Guests are not the priority. The kids living in the house are. Those kids should get equal to your child.

We have an attic and keep an extra twin mattress and bed frame as well.

I think you struggle with comprehension.

Fiance = engaged to be married
Trying to have a kid = not pregnant yet
I make 3x what he does = we can afford another kid if we want one
Benefits from my late husband = not a factor because I've always been the breadwinner by far

Thanks for playing and sharing your crazy narrative.

Fiancé means nothing... you are not a stepmom to these kids yet. You struggle with comprehension as you shouldn't move these kids or your fiancé (i.e. boyfriend) in until married. He's had two kids with two prior women and from what you say has a hot mess. There is no we can afford, you can afford another child.

There are lots of solutions but you pretending to be stepmom when if you were actually a stepmom buying a house for 4 kids you would have thought this out better. Those kids deserve a bedroom with beds, dressers and stuff.

You are trying to have a kid which means in the next year there is a possibility of a 4th and you need to plan accordingly.

My apologies, I'll wait the 6 weeks until our wedding is done to figure this out while the kids have nowhere to stay in our home and I've already bought guest furniture. Sounds like a great way to welcome them to our new family

You've already decided so what response are you looking for. Why would you buy guest furniture vs. furniture for the kids first? These kids are an afterthought. You buy a set of twin beds or bunkbeds and dressers for the kids. How hard is that? Where is all the drama? You don't need a guest room and that sounds absurd if you have three bedrooms and a bonus room and three kids. So, at this point, one kid gets the guest room since they are guests and another can get an air mattess on the floor. Done.

You never said you were getting married in 6 weeks nor may that even be possible with the virus.

How is this even a question? Cancel the guest room furniture. You don't need it.

NP. You are a HEINOUS human being.

[Anonymous]

This thread is INSANE. OP as a stepkid who had a great relationship with both of my stepparents, built on hard times and good times, it is what you are doing, treating them like they are family from the get go and no different, that makes or breaks the relationship.

People on here are NUTS. You sound like a great woman and a great mother and I hope you find happiness. You deserve it.

Agree with others that the youngest gets a room, the two girls share and the baby moves in with the youngest down the road. Bonus room with a solid pull out couch for the occasional guest.

Hopefully you never welcome a guest like the horrible human beings that have given you crap here.