Blended Family - What to do about bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

A few things to clarify about the house:
1. The 2 bedrooms are the same size and mirror images of one another.
2. We are going to try to have 1 more kid together (I say try due to age, we are not interested in fertility treatments) in the next year.
3. The 3 bedrooms are all nestled into one end of the house. The bonus room is literally as far away from the bedrooms as possible. I could see transitioning the oldest to the bonus room in a couple years.

The 7 and 11 year old love being together since the time apart makes it seem like a big sleepover for the time we have them both. I hadn't considered bunk beds because I don't want it to be a fight over who gets "stuck" with the top bunk, but that could be an option. I intend to let the girls loose to pick their own linens, art, decor and am happy to paint the room if they'd like.
The purpose in having a full/queen in the youngest's room is so that that is the child being displaced when someone stays with us. I'm not going to oust my step kids from their room for that. That pullout Hemnes daybed sounds like a potential solution so the beds are all the same size, and I will go ahead and look at pullout couches or something similar for the bonus room just to have an option.

Regarding the comments about my relationship and my fiancé being disconnected or uncaring, y'all are off base. He adores all 3 kids and is a great father. The way that he was raised has made it hard for him to trust that life doesn't always have to be a struggle and he does his best not to inconvenience anyone in anyway. I think that's why he struggles with the rooming situation. I did buy the house without him because he has not fully financially recovered from his divorce (credit score is bad, but is out of debt) and I make 3x what he does in addition to having the proceeds from my home sale after my DH died and an excellent credit score.

This entire situation makes no sense. Why are you having a child with a man you aren't married to and cannot afford another child? You shouldn't be moving in together until you are married except in a situation like you are getting benefits from your former husband and would lose them i you married.

Ok, here is another way. You take the bonus room if it is the biggest (add a bathroom if needed). Your child gets one room, girls get another bedroom with twin beds or bunk beds (don't get a day bed with a pull out as that child who has the pull out is always a visitor) and take the master/largest bedroom as a dual guest room and play room that later can be turned into another bedroom if needed. You can do a murphy bed for the playroom or sofa bed or just get a nice air mattress. Also, get your 3 year old a full sized bed that can be used as a guest room if necessary. The three year old can go on an air mattress in the play room or in your bedroom if needed.

It sounds like this was not a good house choice.

There is no question the girls should have a bedroom and each should have a bed, dresser, decorations some toys and clothing at your house. I would put the two girls together as they are older and the three year old, who sounds like a boy in his own room. Then when you have another child, if its a boy, the boys can share a room and if not the play room/guest room gets turned into a bedroom and you will not have a guest room like most people don't have. Guests are not the priority. The kids living in the house are. Those kids should get equal to your child.

We have an attic and keep an extra twin mattress and bed frame as well.

I think you struggle with comprehension.

Fiance = engaged to be married
Trying to have a kid = not pregnant yet
I make 3x what he does = we can afford another kid if we want one
Benefits from my late husband = not a factor because I've always been the breadwinner by far

Thanks for playing and sharing your crazy narrative.

Fiancé means nothing... you are not a stepmom to these kids yet. You struggle with comprehension as you shouldn't move these kids or your fiancé (i.e. boyfriend) in until married. He's had two kids with two prior women and from what you say has a hot mess. There is no we can afford, you can afford another child.

There are lots of solutions but you pretending to be stepmom when if you were actually a stepmom buying a house for 4 kids you would have thought this out better. Those kids deserve a bedroom with beds, dressers and stuff.

You are trying to have a kid which means in the next year there is a possibility of a 4th and you need to plan accordingly.

My apologies, I'll wait the 6 weeks until our wedding is done to figure this out while the kids have nowhere to stay in our home and I've already bought guest furniture. Sounds like a great way to welcome them to our new family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd think long and hard before having a child with a man with terrible credit and terrible earning power. He already has two baby mamas.

Kids love bunks and I've never ever heard one complain about being "stuck" with the top--always fighting over who GETS the top.

Maybe captains beds--raised beds with drawers underneath would be a good option to save floor space. Sounds like the rooms are kind of small?

I do like the idea of the captains beds for extra storage. The rooms are 12'x12' so not tiny, but not large either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

A few things to clarify about the house:
1. The 2 bedrooms are the same size and mirror images of one another.
2. We are going to try to have 1 more kid together (I say try due to age, we are not interested in fertility treatments) in the next year.
3. The 3 bedrooms are all nestled into one end of the house. The bonus room is literally as far away from the bedrooms as possible. I could see transitioning the oldest to the bonus room in a couple years.

The 7 and 11 year old love being together since the time apart makes it seem like a big sleepover for the time we have them both. I hadn't considered bunk beds because I don't want it to be a fight over who gets "stuck" with the top bunk, but that could be an option. I intend to let the girls loose to pick their own linens, art, decor and am happy to paint the room if they'd like.
The purpose in having a full/queen in the youngest's room is so that that is the child being displaced when someone stays with us. I'm not going to oust my step kids from their room for that. That pullout Hemnes daybed sounds like a potential solution so the beds are all the same size, and I will go ahead and look at pullout couches or something similar for the bonus room just to have an option.

Regarding the comments about my relationship and my fiancé being disconnected or uncaring, y'all are off base. He adores all 3 kids and is a great father. The way that he was raised has made it hard for him to trust that life doesn't always have to be a struggle and he does his best not to inconvenience anyone in anyway. I think that's why he struggles with the rooming situation. I did buy the house without him because he has not fully financially recovered from his divorce (credit score is bad, but is out of debt) and I make 3x what he does in addition to having the proceeds from my home sale after my DH died and an excellent credit score.

This entire situation makes no sense. Why are you having a child with a man you aren't married to and cannot afford another child? You shouldn't be moving in together until you are married except in a situation like you are getting benefits from your former husband and would lose them i you married.

Ok, here is another way. You take the bonus room if it is the biggest (add a bathroom if needed). Your child gets one room, girls get another bedroom with twin beds or bunk beds (don't get a day bed with a pull out as that child who has the pull out is always a visitor) and take the master/largest bedroom as a dual guest room and play room that later can be turned into another bedroom if needed. You can do a murphy bed for the playroom or sofa bed or just get a nice air mattress. Also, get your 3 year old a full sized bed that can be used as a guest room if necessary. The three year old can go on an air mattress in the play room or in your bedroom if needed.

It sounds like this was not a good house choice.

There is no question the girls should have a bedroom and each should have a bed, dresser, decorations some toys and clothing at your house. I would put the two girls together as they are older and the three year old, who sounds like a boy in his own room. Then when you have another child, if its a boy, the boys can share a room and if not the play room/guest room gets turned into a bedroom and you will not have a guest room like most people don't have. Guests are not the priority. The kids living in the house are. Those kids should get equal to your child.

We have an attic and keep an extra twin mattress and bed frame as well.

I think you struggle with comprehension.

Fiance = engaged to be married
Trying to have a kid = not pregnant yet
I make 3x what he does = we can afford another kid if we want one
Benefits from my late husband = not a factor because I've always been the breadwinner by far

Thanks for playing and sharing your crazy narrative.

Fiancé means nothing... you are not a stepmom to these kids yet. You struggle with comprehension as you shouldn't move these kids or your fiancé (i.e. boyfriend) in until married. He's had two kids with two prior women and from what you say has a hot mess. There is no we can afford, you can afford another child.

There are lots of solutions but you pretending to be stepmom when if you were actually a stepmom buying a house for 4 kids you would have thought this out better. Those kids deserve a bedroom with beds, dressers and stuff.

You are trying to have a kid which means in the next year there is a possibility of a 4th and you need to plan accordingly.

My apologies, I'll wait the 6 weeks until our wedding is done to figure this out while the kids have nowhere to stay in our home and I've already bought guest furniture. Sounds like a great way to welcome them to our new family

You've already decided so what response are you looking for. Why would you buy guest furniture vs. furniture for the kids first? These kids are an afterthought. You buy a set of twin beds or bunkbeds and dressers for the kids. How hard is that? Where is all the drama? You don't need a guest room and that sounds absurd if you have three bedrooms and a bonus room and three kids. So, at this point, one kid gets the guest room since they are guests and another can get an air mattess on the floor. Done.

You never said you were getting married in 6 weeks nor may that even be possible with the virus.

How is this even a question? Cancel the guest room furniture. You don't need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd think long and hard before having a child with a man with terrible credit and terrible earning power. He already has two baby mamas.

Kids love bunks and I've never ever heard one complain about being "stuck" with the top--always fighting over who GETS the top.

Maybe captains beds--raised beds with drawers underneath would be a good option to save floor space. Sounds like the rooms are kind of small?

That is issue number one. Two kids only a few years apart and probably large child support payments.

Oldest gets the top bunk or get two twin beds. You can get a good closet organizer for the clothes and two tall narrow dressers. Really its not that hard. Or, the adults take the bonus room, girls take the master bedroom, 3 year old has a room and then they have a guest room. This was a lousy choice of a house. You don't buy a 3 bedroom house for 4-5 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

A few things to clarify about the house:
1. The 2 bedrooms are the same size and mirror images of one another.
2. We are going to try to have 1 more kid together (I say try due to age, we are not interested in fertility treatments) in the next year.
3. The 3 bedrooms are all nestled into one end of the house. The bonus room is literally as far away from the bedrooms as possible. I could see transitioning the oldest to the bonus room in a couple years.

The 7 and 11 year old love being together since the time apart makes it seem like a big sleepover for the time we have them both. I hadn't considered bunk beds because I don't want it to be a fight over who gets "stuck" with the top bunk, but that could be an option. I intend to let the girls loose to pick their own linens, art, decor and am happy to paint the room if they'd like.
The purpose in having a full/queen in the youngest's room is so that that is the child being displaced when someone stays with us. I'm not going to oust my step kids from their room for that. That pullout Hemnes daybed sounds like a potential solution so the beds are all the same size, and I will go ahead and look at pullout couches or something similar for the bonus room just to have an option.

Regarding the comments about my relationship and my fiancé being disconnected or uncaring, y'all are off base. He adores all 3 kids and is a great father. The way that he was raised has made it hard for him to trust that life doesn't always have to be a struggle and he does his best not to inconvenience anyone in anyway. I think that's why he struggles with the rooming situation. I did buy the house without him because he has not fully financially recovered from his divorce (credit score is bad, but is out of debt) and I make 3x what he does in addition to having the proceeds from my home sale after my DH died and an excellent credit score.

This entire situation makes no sense. Why are you having a child with a man you aren't married to and cannot afford another child? You shouldn't be moving in together until you are married except in a situation like you are getting benefits from your former husband and would lose them i you married.

Ok, here is another way. You take the bonus room if it is the biggest (add a bathroom if needed). Your child gets one room, girls get another bedroom with twin beds or bunk beds (don't get a day bed with a pull out as that child who has the pull out is always a visitor) and take the master/largest bedroom as a dual guest room and play room that later can be turned into another bedroom if needed. You can do a murphy bed for the playroom or sofa bed or just get a nice air mattress. Also, get your 3 year old a full sized bed that can be used as a guest room if necessary. The three year old can go on an air mattress in the play room or in your bedroom if needed.

It sounds like this was not a good house choice.

There is no question the girls should have a bedroom and each should have a bed, dresser, decorations some toys and clothing at your house. I would put the two girls together as they are older and the three year old, who sounds like a boy in his own room. Then when you have another child, if its a boy, the boys can share a room and if not the play room/guest room gets turned into a bedroom and you will not have a guest room like most people don't have. Guests are not the priority. The kids living in the house are. Those kids should get equal to your child.

We have an attic and keep an extra twin mattress and bed frame as well.

I think you struggle with comprehension.

Fiance = engaged to be married
Trying to have a kid = not pregnant yet
I make 3x what he does = we can afford another kid if we want one
Benefits from my late husband = not a factor because I've always been the breadwinner by far

Thanks for playing and sharing your crazy narrative.

Fiancé means nothing... you are not a stepmom to these kids yet. You struggle with comprehension as you shouldn't move these kids or your fiancé (i.e. boyfriend) in until married. He's had two kids with two prior women and from what you say has a hot mess. There is no we can afford, you can afford another child.

There are lots of solutions but you pretending to be stepmom when if you were actually a stepmom buying a house for 4 kids you would have thought this out better. Those kids deserve a bedroom with beds, dressers and stuff.

You are trying to have a kid which means in the next year there is a possibility of a 4th and you need to plan accordingly.

My apologies, I'll wait the 6 weeks until our wedding is done to figure this out while the kids have nowhere to stay in our home and I've already bought guest furniture. Sounds like a great way to welcome them to our new family

You've already decided so what response are you looking for. Why would you buy guest furniture vs. furniture for the kids first? These kids are an afterthought. You buy a set of twin beds or bunkbeds and dressers for the kids. How hard is that? Where is all the drama? You don't need a guest room and that sounds absurd if you have three bedrooms and a bonus room and three kids. So, at this point, one kid gets the guest room since they are guests and another can get an air mattess on the floor. Done.

You never said you were getting married in 6 weeks nor may that even be possible with the virus.

How is this even a question? Cancel the guest room furniture. You don't need it.

Are you serious? I stated my plan in the OP. You're the one telling me not to play step mom to my "boyfriend's" kids and make these kinds of decisions. If I'm following your advice, I'd be buying guest furniture and the kids just don't get a place to live. That's when they'd be an afterthought.

Lots of people have gotten married during the virus. The world hasn't ended. It may not be the weddings us spring and summer brides had planned, but that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think long and hard before having a child with a man with terrible credit and terrible earning power. He already has two baby mamas.

Honestly, this. I’m sorry, OP, but you are punching way below your weight class. You deserve better.

Agree. OP you sound like an awesome person, but your fiancé has some red flags. In addition to those mentioned above, the two of you seem to be on completely different wavelengths in terms of lifestyle and spending, which could eventually come back to bite you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

A few things to clarify about the house:
1. The 2 bedrooms are the same size and mirror images of one another.
2. We are going to try to have 1 more kid together (I say try due to age, we are not interested in fertility treatments) in the next year.
3. The 3 bedrooms are all nestled into one end of the house. The bonus room is literally as far away from the bedrooms as possible. I could see transitioning the oldest to the bonus room in a couple years.

The 7 and 11 year old love being together since the time apart makes it seem like a big sleepover for the time we have them both. I hadn't considered bunk beds because I don't want it to be a fight over who gets "stuck" with the top bunk, but that could be an option. I intend to let the girls loose to pick their own linens, art, decor and am happy to paint the room if they'd like.
The purpose in having a full/queen in the youngest's room is so that that is the child being displaced when someone stays with us. I'm not going to oust my step kids from their room for that. That pullout Hemnes daybed sounds like a potential solution so the beds are all the same size, and I will go ahead and look at pullout couches or something similar for the bonus room just to have an option.

Regarding the comments about my relationship and my fiancé being disconnected or uncaring, y'all are off base. He adores all 3 kids and is a great father. The way that he was raised has made it hard for him to trust that life doesn't always have to be a struggle and he does his best not to inconvenience anyone in anyway. I think that's why he struggles with the rooming situation. I did buy the house without him because he has not fully financially recovered from his divorce (credit score is bad, but is out of debt) and I make 3x what he does in addition to having the proceeds from my home sale after my DH died and an excellent credit score.

This entire situation makes no sense. Why are you having a child with a man you aren't married to and cannot afford another child? You shouldn't be moving in together until you are married except in a situation like you are getting benefits from your former husband and would lose them i you married.

Ok, here is another way. You take the bonus room if it is the biggest (add a bathroom if needed). Your child gets one room, girls get another bedroom with twin beds or bunk beds (don't get a day bed with a pull out as that child who has the pull out is always a visitor) and take the master/largest bedroom as a dual guest room and play room that later can be turned into another bedroom if needed. You can do a murphy bed for the playroom or sofa bed or just get a nice air mattress. Also, get your 3 year old a full sized bed that can be used as a guest room if necessary. The three year old can go on an air mattress in the play room or in your bedroom if needed.

It sounds like this was not a good house choice.

There is no question the girls should have a bedroom and each should have a bed, dresser, decorations some toys and clothing at your house. I would put the two girls together as they are older and the three year old, who sounds like a boy in his own room. Then when you have another child, if its a boy, the boys can share a room and if not the play room/guest room gets turned into a bedroom and you will not have a guest room like most people don't have. Guests are not the priority. The kids living in the house are. Those kids should get equal to your child.

We have an attic and keep an extra twin mattress and bed frame as well.

I think you struggle with comprehension.

Fiance = engaged to be married
Trying to have a kid = not pregnant yet
I make 3x what he does = we can afford another kid if we want one
Benefits from my late husband = not a factor because I've always been the breadwinner by far

Thanks for playing and sharing your crazy narrative.

Fiancé means nothing... you are not a stepmom to these kids yet. You struggle with comprehension as you shouldn't move these kids or your fiancé (i.e. boyfriend) in until married. He's had two kids with two prior women and from what you say has a hot mess. There is no we can afford, you can afford another child.

There are lots of solutions but you pretending to be stepmom when if you were actually a stepmom buying a house for 4 kids you would have thought this out better. Those kids deserve a bedroom with beds, dressers and stuff.

You are trying to have a kid which means in the next year there is a possibility of a 4th and you need to plan accordingly.

My apologies, I'll wait the 6 weeks until our wedding is done to figure this out while the kids have nowhere to stay in our home and I've already bought guest furniture. [u]Sounds like a great way to welcome them to our new family

You've already decided so what response are you looking for. Why would you buy guest furniture vs. furniture for the kids first? These kids are an afterthought. You buy a set of twin beds or bunkbeds and dressers for the kids. How hard is that? Where is all the drama? You don't need a guest room and that sounds absurd if you have three bedrooms and a bonus room and three kids. So, at this point, one kid gets the guest room since they are guests and another can get an air mattess on the floor. Done.

You never said you were getting married in 6 weeks nor may that even be possible with the virus.

How is this even a question? Cancel the guest room furniture. You don't need it.

Are you serious? I stated my plan in the OP. You're the one telling me not to play step mom to my "boyfriend's" kids and make these kinds of decisions. If I'm following your advice, I'd be buying guest furniture and the kids just don't get a place to live. That's when they'd be an afterthought.

Lots of people have gotten married during the virus. The world hasn't ended. It may not be the weddings us spring and summer brides had planned, but that's life.

You said you already bought furniture for the guest room. So, you have a guest room, your child has a room, you have a bedroom and the kids either sleep in the guest room or play room. There aren't any real options for these kids. What response are you looking for?

Your best bet is to take the bonus room as your bedroom, master bedroom if its bigger for the girls, your child in a bedroom and make the extra bedroom into a guest/playroom and that can be converted later on to a nursery/bedroom for your next set of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both are selfish. You should have waited till you married and together bought a large enough house to have the kids have their own room. You don't need a guest room. Get a full sized bed in your child's room and your child can sleep in your room or the play room when you have guests.

You do realize that not every child always gets their own room---right? It even happens when all children are the products of the same parents who are still married. Sometimes you just have to share.

The step kids aren’t even siblings though. How would you like to share a room with a stranger when you were an 11 year old girl. Don’t move in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both are selfish. You should have waited till you married and together bought a large enough house to have the kids have their own room. You don't need a guest room. Get a full sized bed in your child's room and your child can sleep in your room or the play room when you have guests.

You do realize that not every child always gets their own room---right? It even happens when all children are the products of the same parents who are still married. Sometimes you just have to share.

The step kids aren’t even siblings though. How would you like to share a room with a stranger when you were an 11 year old girl. Don’t move in together.

They are half siblings with two different moms being raised in two different homes visiting Dad. One has more visitation with Dad than the other one does. OP doesn't have the space if she wants a playroom for her child and a guest room. She has three bedrooms and a bonus room. How is this even an issue? Girls get at least a shared bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Bedrooms are the least of your problems. Suggest you spend more mental bandwidth on why you are selecting this man as your husband. You owe it to your own child to make sure you are making a choice that wont negatively affect her for the rest of her life (mentally, emotionally, and financially)

[Anonymous]

OP, why doesn't Dad keep his current place and he can go over there when he has the girls and that way you don't need to worry about space in your new house. You can have your playroom and guest room and then it will not be an issue with having more kids as you'll have the space. And, girls can get alone time with Dad and not have to compete with your and your child's attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why doesn't Dad keep his current place and he can go over there when he has the girls and that way you don't need to worry about space in your new house. You can have your playroom and guest room and then it will not be an issue with having more kids as you'll have the space. And, girls can get alone time with Dad and not have to compete with your and your child's attention.

How is that a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why doesn't Dad keep his current place and he can go over there when he has the girls and that way you don't need to worry about space in your new house. You can have your playroom and guest room and then it will not be an issue with having more kids as you'll have the space. And, girls can get alone time with Dad and not have to compete with your and your child's attention.

How is that a family?

Define family. Dad's focus needs to be on his girls during his visitation time. So, it could work well. OP gets to keep the space in her house and the girls can keep their room at Dad's place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both are selfish. You should have waited till you married and together bought a large enough house to have the kids have their own room. You don't need a guest room. Get a full sized bed in your child's room and your child can sleep in your room or the play room when you have guests.

You do realize that not every child always gets their own room---right? It even happens when all children are the products of the same parents who are still married. Sometimes you just have to share.

The step kids aren’t even siblings though. How would you like to share a room with a stranger when you were an 11 year old girl. Don’t move in together.

They are half siblings with two different moms being raised in two different homes visiting Dad. One has more visitation with Dad than the other one does. OP doesn't have the space if she wants a playroom for her child and a guest room. She has three bedrooms and a bonus room. How is this even an issue? Girls get at least a shared bedroom.

OP here. PP is correct that the older two are half siblings. They are not strangers, are good friends, FaceTime a few times a week, make big plans for when they’re together.

To be clear, I don’t need a dedicated guest room. I’m just considering all the factors that play into who goes where. I have no issue booting my kid from their room for a few nights when my brother wants to visit, but I am considering where kid goes and what furniture would be able to work for a visiting adult (reason why I’m skipping a twin and going to a full/Queen). Due to the layout of the house, I’m not comfortable putting any of the kids in the bonus room and it’s really not a great bedroom option in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bedrooms are the least of your problems. Suggest you spend more mental bandwidth on why you are selecting this man as your husband. You owe it to your own child to make sure you are making a choice that wont negatively affect her for the rest of her life (mentally, emotionally, and financially)

+1000 OP bought a house in her name to accommodate children that are not hers by an unmarried father that is not responsible enough to have good credit.