Blended Family - What to do about bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think long and hard before having a child with a man with terrible credit and terrible earning power. He already has two baby mamas.

Kids love bunks and I've never ever heard one complain about being "stuck" with the top--always fighting over who GETS the top.

Maybe captains beds--raised beds with drawers underneath would be a good option to save floor space. Sounds like the rooms are kind of small?

That is issue number one. Two kids only a few years apart and probably large child support payments.

Oldest gets the top bunk or get two twin beds. You can get a good closet organizer for the clothes and two tall narrow dressers. Really its not that hard. Or, the adults take the bonus room, girls take the master bedroom, 3 year old has a room and then they have a guest room. This was a lousy choice of a house. You don't buy a 3 bedroom house for 4-5 kids.

My parents had a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom house and 7 kids. All lived there full time through adulthood.
WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think long and hard before having a child with a man with terrible credit and terrible earning power. He already has two baby mamas.

Kids love bunks and I've never ever heard one complain about being "stuck" with the top--always fighting over who GETS the top.

Maybe captains beds--raised beds with drawers underneath would be a good option to save floor space. Sounds like the rooms are kind of small?

That is issue number one. Two kids only a few years apart and probably large child support payments.

Oldest gets the top bunk or get two twin beds. You can get a good closet organizer for the clothes and two tall narrow dressers. Really its not that hard. Or, the adults take the bonus room, girls take the master bedroom, 3 year old has a room and then they have a guest room. This was a lousy choice of a house. You don't buy a 3 bedroom house for 4-5 kids.

My parents had a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom house and 7 kids. All lived there full time through adulthood.
WTF is wrong with you?

And, your parents probably used all the bedrooms for kids. OP wants a guest room and play room for her child. That is the issue. You cannot do that with 3 and in the future 4/5 kids in a three bedroom house except if she triple bunks the kids all in one room or puts the girls in the playroom and guest room on air mattresses. We gave her multiple suggestions and she rejected them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bedrooms are the least of your problems. Suggest you spend more mental bandwidth on why you are selecting this man as your husband. You owe it to your own child to make sure you are making a choice that wont negatively affect her for the rest of her life (mentally, emotionally, and financially)

+1000 OP bought a house in her name to accommodate children that are not hers by an unmarried father that is not responsible enough to have good credit.

Actually she didn't buy the house to accommodate the kids. She bought a three bedroom house and wants a guest room and a bedroom for her future child with this man. IF she was buying a house to accommodate the kids and wanted a guest room and play room she would have gotten a 4-5 bedroom so she had a guest room and also gotten a finished basement for a play room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both are selfish. You should have waited till you married and together bought a large enough house to have the kids have their own room. You don't need a guest room. Get a full sized bed in your child's room and your child can sleep in your room or the play room when you have guests.

You do realize that not every child always gets their own room---right? It even happens when all children are the products of the same parents who are still married. Sometimes you just have to share.

The step kids aren’t even siblings though. How would you like to share a room with a stranger when you were an 11 year old girl. Don’t move in together.

They are half siblings with two different moms being raised in two different homes visiting Dad. One has more visitation with Dad than the other one does. OP doesn't have the space if she wants a playroom for her child and a guest room. She has three bedrooms and a bonus room. How is this even an issue? Girls get at least a shared bedroom.

OP here. PP is correct that the older two are half siblings. They are not strangers, are good friends, FaceTime a few times a week, make big plans for when they’re together.

To be clear, I don’t need a dedicated guest room. I’m just considering all the factors that play into who goes where. I have no issue booting my kid from their room for a few nights when my brother wants to visit, but I am considering where kid goes and what furniture would be able to work for a visiting adult (reason why I’m skipping a twin and going to a full/Queen). Due to the layout of the house, I’m not comfortable putting any of the kids in the bonus room and it’s really not a great bedroom option in general.

This house makes absolutely no sense. You can use the bonus room as your bedroom and add a bathroom if necessary. Then, you get camera's to keep track of the kids. Having a guest room with 3 kids and a three bedroom makes no sense. It makes no sense to have a dedicated guest room for your brother. He can sleep in your son's room or you get an air mattress, pull out sofa or murphy bed for the bonus room. It really isn't that complicated. Girls in one room with twins or bunk beds. Your son in a room with a full bed. And, later you take the bonus room so your future child can have a room if the child is not a boy and can share with your son. But, again, this house makes absolutely no sense as you clearly didn't think this through when you bought the house. You really need a different house set up.

[Anonymous]

Man red flags all over this. Your fiance has a shocking disregard for his kids. A man that treats his children that way is not one I'd want in my life with my kid. He views people and children as not that important. Remember, if he does this to them, he'll do it to you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I have a very good friend that married a man with a similar MO to your fiance. She though "oh its because of his ex..." Until she became that ex that he moved away from, stopped seeing his kids more than occasionally to start another new family with another woman willing to support him. He's on family #3 and probably eventually will move on from them as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you have a good plan and the kids will be happy with it. I would start thinking and talking with your DH now about what happens in the future: what happens when the kids get older and want more privacy. It can also be really challenging to figure out what's fair in a family with stepkids and one parent with more financial resources. Will all 3 (or 4) kids be treated the same (college is the biggest issue, but also first cars, money for class trips etc). Is mom putting away money for your SDs? If not, will all the kids have access to the same resources, or will your bio kids get one package and the stepkids another? You should like a nice, thoughtful person, which will be a blessing to your stepkids, but these issues can still be tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man red flags all over this. Your fiance has a shocking disregard for his kids. A man that treats his children that way is not one I'd want in my life with my kid. He views people and children as not that important. Remember, if he does this to them, he'll do it to you.

Also OP saying, “it’s just the way he was raised” when he’s a 40 something year old man with two kids with 2 different women and planning on a third with a third woman. Sounds like a lot of excuses, I’m sorry OP I know you weren’t asking about this when you started the thread but I really hope you are getting marriage counseling before having any more kids with this man.

[Anonymous]

Don't have another kid. You already have 3 kids. That is plenty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have another kid. You already have 3 kids. That is plenty!

Four, if you count her soon-to-be husband!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do not listen to these people. You’re proposal is 100% spot on. The kid who lives there full time gets the best and biggest room. The other two share for when they are there. The last is a play room. I say this as both a bio mom and step mom.

Agree. And get a pull out sofa for the hangout room and guests can sleep there so you you don’t have to displace a child who might be there when guests show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're right. Get two twin beds for your fiance's kids, and a full/queen for your child's room--or one of those Ikea hemnes day beds that go from a twin to a king when pulled out. Your child can stay in your room on an air mattress when guests come.

Np. I know this is a minor thing but twins means two so you either say get twin beds or get two beds BUT you dont say get two twin beds unless you mean four.

One of my pet peeves. I'm typing on a small phone so I know my punctuation isnt the best.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’ve received some good advice here regarding whether you really want to procreate with this man. I get it, you probably think the pickins are slim as a single mom. But you need to get a solid prenup in place to protect your own offspring. You can make a new family with this man, but the odds are very high that this will end in divorce.

As for furniture, your kid who is with you full time gets her own room. Too much potential for conflict if you make her share with a step sibling who is only there occasionally. Put the step kids in a room with something like this: https://www.pbteen.com/m/products/store-it-corner-bed-media-hutch-set-2/?cm_cat=Google&sku=8606341&catalogId=21&cm_ite=8606341&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiPKS2cmp6QIVVODICh3nqgiCEAQYAiABEgLin_D_BwE&cm_ven=PLA&cm_pla=Furniture%20%3e%20Beds%20%26%20Headboards

For the bonus room, put in a Queen futon with a quality innerspring mattress. It can serve as a couch and your primary guest space.


If you end up needing a nursery, you’ll have to think long and hard about what goes. Maybe the baby shacks up with you until it’s old enough to move in with your daughter. No great options with 4 kids in a 3 bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're right. Get two twin beds for your fiance's kids, and a full/queen for your child's room--or one of those Ikea hemnes day beds that go from a twin to a king when pulled out. Your child can stay in your room on an air mattress when guests come.

Np. I know this is a minor thing but twins means two so you either say get twin beds or get two beds BUT you dont say get two twin beds unless you mean four.

One of my pet peeves. I'm typing on a small phone so I know my punctuation isnt the best.

Did you really take the time to write this -- when it's patently wrong?

Twin is the size of the bed, not the number. Or do you really believe you have to have two of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’ve received some good advice here regarding whether you really want to procreate with this man. I get it, you probably think the pickins are slim as a single mom. But you need to get a solid prenup in place to protect your own offspring. You can make a new family with this man, but the odds are very high that this will end in divorce.

As for furniture, your kid who is with you full time gets her own room. Too much potential for conflict if you make her share with a step sibling who is only there occasionally. Put the step kids in a room with something like this: https://www.pbteen.com/m/products/store-it-corner-bed-media-hutch-set-2/?cm_cat=Google&sku=8606341&catalogId=21&cm_ite=8606341&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiPKS2cmp6QIVVODICh3nqgiCEAQYAiABEgLin_D_BwE&cm_ven=PLA&cm_pla=Furniture%20%3e%20Beds%20%26%20Headboards

For the bonus room, put in a Queen futon with a quality innerspring mattress. It can serve as a couch and your primary guest space.


If you end up needing a nursery, you’ll have to think long and hard about what goes. Maybe the baby shacks up with you until it’s old enough to move in with your daughter. No great options with 4 kids in a 3 bedroom.

OP, You sound like a very nice lady and very considerate of your fiances daughters. I'm sure you will be very welcoming to them. Agree with PP, since you brought the assets to the relationship and seem to have all of the money I would consult
with a lawyer and get a prenup prior to marriage to protect you and your daughter.

Sorry about the loss of your former husband. It is tough to be a young widow with a child.