Never knew my DH was so controlling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It’s not that I’m writing checks at stores haha. It’s only to myself out of our joint acct that only my DH deposits into.

If it is a joint account and your name is on it along with your husbands, even if he is only one putting money into it, you have access to it. What about that do you not understand.

I realize that! But like I’ve said a numerous times he now has a huge issue with me taking money from it. I want to tell him so bad to take my name off the account since I’m not allowed to take money from it! But I know that would cause a huge fight. He really believes my name on the acct makes me feel equal. But I know it’s just a ruse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in my early 60's (not OP) and I still write checks.

Well, this makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did all the money from your bank account go?

Stuff

So how much more "stuff" do you need?
He's probably ticked you're wasting money on (more) frivolous stuff regardless of whether or not you/he has a 6-figure income. Rich people are rich b/c they keep their spending in check.

Oh please! It has nothing to do with that. Like I said, it’s because he likes to see where the money is going plain and simple.

Lol your true colors are coming out OP. It sounds like you have a spending problem and just spend DH's money however you want. With the current economic situation, I don't blame your husband for trying to limit excessive spending. I think there is a lot more to this story beyond "poor me. My DH is so controlling". I bet he has a very different side that may justify why he isn't just handing money over to you whenever you want.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the poster who wrote that your husband doesn't trust you.

You're going to have to ask him outright or this speculation will continue.

Asking him allows you to get everything out in the open and then you guys can go to therapy or whatever you need to do to move on...

Also, with mistrust comes resentment, they go hand in hand. Resentment is an evil, unhappy trait and it will build and build over time.

You need to get this out in the open with him and get this resolved or you may find yourself as the new "Ex Mrs. XXXX".

That may seem far fetched right now, but 10 or 20 years of mistrust and insecurity does things to a person...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I'm the poster who wrote that your husband doesn't trust you.

You're going to have to ask him outright or this speculation will continue.

Asking him allows you to get everything out in the open and then you guys can go to therapy or whatever you need to do to move on...

Also, with mistrust comes resentment, they go hand in hand. Resentment is an evil, unhappy trait and it will build and build over time.

You need to get this out in the open with him and get this resolved or you may find yourself as the new "Ex Mrs. XXXX".

That may seem far fetched right now, but 10 or 20 years of mistrust and insecurity does things to a person...

+100
Perfectly said.
He doesn't trust/resents you for a reason and resentment is like poison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did all the money from your bank account go?

Stuff

So how much more "stuff" do you need?
He's probably ticked you're wasting money on (more) frivolous stuff regardless of whether or not you/he has a 6-figure income. Rich people are rich b/c they keep their spending in check.

Oh please! It has nothing to do with that. Like I said, it’s because he likes to see where the money is going plain and simple.

Lol your true colors are coming out OP. It sounds like you have a spending problem and just spend DH's money however you want. With the current economic situation, I don't blame your husband for trying to limit excessive spending. I think there is a lot more to this story beyond "poor me. My DH is so controlling". I bet he has a very different side that may justify why he isn't just handing money over to you whenever you want.

Let me put it another way. For the first few years I asked him for a monthly cash allowance. He would always tell me no, that I don’t need one, that I can use the credit cards for whatever I want. So I said you would rather me charge 10k a month than give me a cash allowance of 5k? I told him that doesn’t make sense. . But after years I understand his motive. Keeping me cash poor makes him feel secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did all the money from your bank account go?

Stuff

So how much more "stuff" do you need?
He's probably ticked you're wasting money on (more) frivolous stuff regardless of whether or not you/he has a 6-figure income. Rich people are rich b/c they keep their spending in check.

Oh please! It has nothing to do with that. Like I said, it’s because he likes to see where the money is going plain and simple.

Lol your true colors are coming out OP. It sounds like you have a spending problem and just spend DH's money however you want. With the current economic situation, I don't blame your husband for trying to limit excessive spending. I think there is a lot more to this story beyond "poor me. My DH is so controlling". I bet he has a very different side that may justify why he isn't just handing money over to you whenever you want.

Let me put it another way. For the first few years I asked him for a monthly cash allowance. He would always tell me no, that I don’t need one, that I can use the credit cards for whatever I want. So I said you would rather me charge 10k a month than give me a cash allowance of 5k? I told him that doesn’t make sense. . But after years I understand his motive. Keeping me cash poor makes him feel secure.

He's afraid of you building a nest egg and being able to leave him if you want to.

Or, like the other pp perfectly said, he doesn't trust you and knows you can't do things like book hotels for an affair by using his CC.

I also agree that you need to get this out in the open and find out WHY he doesn't trust you.
Who cares if it causes a fight, at least you'll know where you truly stand with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It’s not that I’m writing checks at stores haha. It’s only to myself out of our joint acct that only my DH deposits into.

If it is a joint account and your name is on it along with your husbands, even if he is only one putting money into it, you have access to it. What about that do you not understand.

I realize that! But like I’ve said a numerous times he now has a huge issue with me taking money from it. I want to tell him so bad to take my name off the account since I’m not allowed to take money from it! But I know that would cause a huge fight. He really believes my name on the acct makes me feel equal. But I know it’s just a ruse.

At that point you are making a choice not him. You LEGALLY can go get the money. He is not keeping you from doing it, you are choosing not to go get it. You can legally go get a bank card for that account, YOU are choosing not to go get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where did all the money from your bank account go?

Stuff

So how much more "stuff" do you need?
He's probably ticked you're wasting money on (more) frivolous stuff regardless of whether or not you/he has a 6-figure income. Rich people are rich b/c they keep their spending in check.

Oh please! It has nothing to do with that. Like I said, it’s because he likes to see where the money is going plain and simple.

Lol your true colors are coming out OP. It sounds like you have a spending problem and just spend DH's money however you want. With the current economic situation, I don't blame your husband for trying to limit excessive spending. I think there is a lot more to this story beyond "poor me. My DH is so controlling". I bet he has a very different side that may justify why he isn't just handing money over to you whenever you want.

Let me put it another way. For the first few years I asked him for a monthly cash allowance. He would always tell me no, that I don’t need one, that I can use the credit cards for whatever I want. So I said you would rather me charge 10k a month than give me a cash allowance of 5k? I told him that doesn’t make sense. . But after years I understand his motive. Keeping me cash poor makes him feel secure.

He's afraid of you building a nest egg and being able to leave him if you want to.

Or, like the other pp perfectly said, he doesn't trust you and knows you can't do things like book hotels for an affair by using his CC.

I also agree that you need to get this out in the open and find out WHY he doesn't trust you.
Who cares if it causes a fight, at least you'll know where you truly stand with him.

Finally someone is understanding my situation! I believe this is exactly what’s going on. It took me years to finally figure this out and why he does this but it’s becoming very clear now. I’ve been telling him we need counseling and he finally agreed but Of course can’t right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It’s not that I’m writing checks at stores haha. It’s only to myself out of our joint acct that only my DH deposits into.

If it is a joint account and your name is on it along with your husbands, even if he is only one putting money into it, you have access to it. What about that do you not understand.

I realize that! But like I’ve said a numerous times he now has a huge issue with me taking money from it. I want to tell him so bad to take my name off the account since I’m not allowed to take money from it! But I know that would cause a huge fight. He really believes my name on the acct makes me feel equal. But I know it’s just a ruse.

At that point you are making a choice not him. You LEGALLY can go get the money. He is not keeping you from doing it, you are choosing not to go get it. You can legally go get a bank card for that account, YOU are choosing not to go get it.

I am choosing not to cause a major fight trust me. He would get furious if I did that! I know it sounds nuts but this is how it works in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

If he was letting you spend 5K a month on whatever you wanted, where is the money from your own job? Kind of sounds like you always accepted his conditions because he spoiled you and now you're trying to change your tune

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

It’s not that I’m writing checks at stores haha. It’s only to myself out of our joint acct that only my DH deposits into.

If it is a joint account and your name is on it along with your husbands, even if he is only one putting money into it, you have access to it. What about that do you not understand.

I realize that! But like I’ve said a numerous times he now has a huge issue with me taking money from it. I want to tell him so bad to take my name off the account since I’m not allowed to take money from it! But I know that would cause a huge fight. He really believes my name on the acct makes me feel equal. But I know it’s just a ruse.

At that point you are making a choice not him. You LEGALLY can go get the money. He is not keeping you from doing it, you are choosing not to go get it. You can legally go get a bank card for that account, YOU are choosing not to go get it.

Then you have your answer

I am choosing not to cause a major fight trust me. He would get furious if I did that! I know it sounds nuts but this is how it works in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Oh, come on. You had no idea? You knew. Exactly the same way you know that he'd be mad if you transferred money from your mutual account -- which you are 100% capable of doing, and you know that too.

Sell your luxury car and use that money for for a good divorce lawyer. I bet you signed a shitty prenup, but even so you'll probably have a better life without this rich jerk.

[Anonymous]

Are you the same OP whose husband didn't put you on the deed to the house and won't let you see his will?