How does a man getting turned down by his wife feel?

[Anonymous]

He feels like a kid who got his bike stolen.

[Anonymous]

The thing is there are many women who experience the same thing. I'm surprised the number of my female friends...many of which are incredibly beautiful and seemingly great people. experience sexual rejection from their husbands...seems to be becoming more common. Talk to one of those women and they are very sympathetic towards we men who experience the same thing...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Currently divorcing my wife of over 20 years largely because of rejection. I'm a very attractive man, hard worker, good income, great father, funny, blah, blah, blah...never strayed. She finally rejected me so much to the point my mental/emotional and even physical health was greatly impacted. Occasional rejection is manageable, but persistent rejection eats away at a man's soul (I'd imagine a woman's, too)

Rejection turned this very faithful man into a bitter person for a while who now has filed for divorce, separated and having incredible sex with a woman who is the antithesis of my soon to be ex-wife. I can't believe I took so long to leave that selfish woman. Once I had a taste of what real intimacy was...no way I was going to reconcile with my wife.

I feel for your wife. 20 years of marriage and getting you where you are ends up in nothing but this. I mean no matter how she would have compromised, it would have been not good enough and so it seems like divorce and new sex is the goal. I know what gets said is that is not the case, I would have tried etc. but what you are talking about is new sex that is great. It’s just finding a reason for new sex. Just sad for your wife.

Well, you're making a lot of assumptions. We did NOT have lots of sex in the beginning. In fact had a sexless marriage many years...no kissing and never received oral sex ever in almost a quarter century. 3 to 4 counselling sessions over the years and at some point you realize you just aren't a priority and you're a schmuck for putting up with it as long as you have.

This just reinforces my point that you stayed with her until it was convenient for you. She was like this from the beginning and so the goal is new sex now that it is convenient for you.

New sex is the goal now that it is convenient for you.

Oh, geez, why can't I resist the urge to stop responding? Seems I have touched a nerve. Maybe you are my ex-wife? Are you from Vancouver, 5' 4" and 130lbs? Do you complain online about your "needy" teenage daughter moments after she talks (seriously) about suicide and cries about the rape wmshe went through (which her mother gaslights) Are you the mother who told her daughter she is the reason the divorce is happening? Did your daughter's therapist plead with her father that mom is apparently a narcissist and doing serious psychological harm to her--that perhaps if you left she might have a stable normal parent to turn to and a safe place? Did you poison all your kids against their father when he said he wanted a divorce over Christmas so much that their father laid in the floor of the shower Christmas morning in the fetal position from the smear campaign you launched? Did you empty your husband's life savings without consulting him and smirk about it after the fact?

Look, had I known what I know now. I would have left long ago. I WOULD HAVE NEVER MARRIED HER. I didn't know my wife was going to cut me off after we married, and a father/mother does what he has to in best interest of his/her kids until he/she realizes maybe it isn't in the best interest of the kids. And when those kids are grown up and empty nesting looks bleak, how can you fault a guy for leaving?

Intimacy has many forms. I've never had any of them with my ex. Excuse me if I don't let some random person guilt me for finding it. And the fact is most good guys don't want sex...They crave intimacy and that is far more complex. If you find it, you better hold onto it.

NP here: Dude, I say this with love: too much drama. It sounds like you are making a rational decision. Don’t be so defensive about it. Lots of the women here are never going to approve; it goes against their self-interest to do so. Don’t look for approval here, and don’t regret the past. Just enjoy what you now have.

Dude, it's not about their self-interest. It's about your self-interest. You just said that he should do what's good for him regardless of how his wife/women feel. Keep up with the marriage until it's the right time for you to bail. It's hard to unsee once you see this behavior.