What’s fair for nannies when they have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Several of the posters here are missing the point. Yes, the 3yo twins having to share their nanny’s attention with her own infant is a sub-optimal situation. But clearly, it’s worth it to the parents to continue, for whatever reason. Maybe the nanny truly is like part of their family and they would hate to have her leave. Or maybe they were planning to let her go anyway in a few months when the twins start FT preschool and they don’t want to deal with a temporary interim nanny. For whatever reason, the parents looked at the trade-off and decided to keep her on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Too much focus on one child all the time
can definitely have negative consequences.

Something is seriously wrong if you think that.

Undivided attention allows a child to believe the world revolves around them. That is HIGHLY detrimental, which is why I don’t work with only children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of the responses are misguided... and somewhat cruel. Underscored with nanny resentment that she spends more time with both her kid and your kid than you do.

Every nanny and family situation is different. I’d love for my nanny to have a younger around my kid, especially if there were no siblings. Newborns mostly sleep anyway, and not every mom has sleepless or exhausted nights.

I say a great nanny that you trust and that your child has a relationship with is very hard to find. Me personally, I’d bite the bullet, sign my older kid up for a few morning activities during the week (Gymboree etc) and be happy. Life is short.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Some kids sttn early. Others don’t (though parents try!) until after a year old. Some newborns are eat, sleep, repeat. Others are more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Our routine was that my baby nursed and cuddled in a carrier during most of the morning routine with the twins, napped in the car en route to our morning outing, nursed in the carrier while the twins ran around at our outing and I easily followed them around. Then at home the twins would have some independent play while listening to audiobooks while I got the baby settled for a nap, then lunch for the twins, they would have nap/quiet time and the baby would have some floor time, then the twins would do an art or sensory or science project while I fed the baby and prepped dinner. The baby napped in a swing during dinner then I would give all three a bath and get into PJs. The parents took over and I went home to put my baby to bed.

I charge on the lower end of my range but as someone else posted, 80% of a nanny who is a skilled caregiver and an energetic multitasker is better than 100% of a blah nanny who is mostly just keeping everyone alive.

I don't know what you mean by "easily following them around" but the idea that you can run around after two three-year olds while your nipple is inside someone's mouth is ridiculous to anyone who has breasts. Come on. You know that makes no sense.

Follow could easily mean walk quickly or meander. There’s no reason for an adult to run around after 3yo who are playing with other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No you aren’t used to or experienced handling multiple kids for years. You underestimate what an excellent nanny is capable of bc you know you couldn’t handle it. You also assume a nanny cannot spread their love to multiple kids. Most nannies love their kids as their own. The only difference is she birthed one and brought it to work. Here is the thing with DCUM, most hire subpar or average nannies and claim they pay well. Most families don’t. When you experience a truly amazing nanny you know it. Everything she does is effortless bc it’s the same rodeo just different kids for her.

I bet you aren't experienced in handling other people's kids + your own for years. I mean how many years would you really bring your child to work? This isn't exactly a popular arrangement.

Love isn't a reflection of skill. It isn't love that makes you a good multitasker.

No one loves other people kids like their own. You don't either. That's just a thing people say.

No, I’m not. But I’m not the nanny poster who is doing that. I’m just not closed minded and bent on trying to prove her wrong. I know what a great nanny is capable of, just like I know some iffy nannies. I’m experienced with handling multiple kids under 5 and for me it’s easy. While the parents struggle with just their kids I don’t. Parents are quick to dismiss a nanny’s skill bc they think it makes them look bad as a parent.

I don't think you get it. When parents add another baby to the family, they understand the level of care for the older children will go down. They know it and they accept it in the name of expanding the family, because another sibling is worth less attention to the others. But they aren't ready to accept it in the name of another child. That's what you aren't getting. Of course you can handle multiple children - what nanny can't? It's just that not all parents are ready to accept the reduction in care in the name of another person's child.

I'll give you an example from our preposterous friend whose newborn is nursing in a carrier while she's running around three-year olds at a playground. We all know that's not possible so let's pretend it's a more realistic scenario of her nursing her infant on the bench while 3-year olds are playing.

Now let's pretend one three-year old fell down.

Or both kids want the nanny to support them in climbing something.

Or one kid wants the nanny to come and play shop.

Now, if it's a mother nursing her infant while her children play, she may be perfectly comfortable saying to the 3-year old, hey Johnny, you have to wait, your brother is eating. But not all parents may be comfortable with the idea of nanny saying hey Johnny, you have to wait, my baby is eating.

3yo don’t need help to climb. They either try and go back down 2-3 steps if they decide it’s too hard or they skip something entirely if it looks scary.

A 3yo with a scraped knee comes running to me.

I walk around to take pictures and videos of the kids while they play, not to interrupt their ability to develop independence. By 3yo, most children should be able to determine if they want to brush it off and play (no blood) vs have cuddles, a bandaid and then play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No you aren’t used to or experienced handling multiple kids for years. You underestimate what an excellent nanny is capable of bc you know you couldn’t handle it. You also assume a nanny cannot spread their love to multiple kids. Most nannies love their kids as their own. The only difference is she birthed one and brought it to work. Here is the thing with DCUM, most hire subpar or average nannies and claim they pay well. Most families don’t. When you experience a truly amazing nanny you know it. Everything she does is effortless bc it’s the same rodeo just different kids for her.

I bet you aren't experienced in handling other people's kids + your own for years. I mean how many years would you really bring your child to work? This isn't exactly a popular arrangement.

Love isn't a reflection of skill. It isn't love that makes you a good multitasker.

No one loves other people kids like their own. You don't either. That's just a thing people say.

No, I’m not. But I’m not the nanny poster who is doing that. I’m just not closed minded and bent on trying to prove her wrong. I know what a great nanny is capable of, just like I know some iffy nannies. I’m experienced with handling multiple kids under 5 and for me it’s easy. While the parents struggle with just their kids I don’t. Parents are quick to dismiss a nanny’s skill bc they think it makes them look bad as a parent.

I don't think you get it. When parents add another baby to the family, they understand the level of care for the older children will go down. They know it and they accept it in the name of expanding the family, because another sibling is worth less attention to the others. But they aren't ready to accept it in the name of another child. That's what you aren't getting. Of course you can handle multiple children - what nanny can't? It's just that not all parents are ready to accept the reduction in care in the name of another person's child.

I'll give you an example from our preposterous friend whose newborn is nursing in a carrier while she's running around three-year olds at a playground. We all know that's not possible so let's pretend it's a more realistic scenario of her nursing her infant on the bench while 3-year olds are playing.

Now let's pretend one three-year old fell down.

Or both kids want the nanny to support them in climbing something.

Or one kid wants the nanny to come and play shop.

Now, if it's a mother nursing her infant while her children play, she may be perfectly comfortable saying to the 3-year old, hey Johnny, you have to wait, your brother is eating. But not all parents may be comfortable with the idea of nanny saying hey Johnny, you have to wait, my baby is eating.

I mean if that’s how you want to spin it and view it then so be it. With your logic you would need to have one child if you were going to use a nanny. This is the type of parent who wants their child to have all the focus. So I guess they would hire a nanny for each child if they had multiple kids.

I don't think you read it carefully - I said most people would accept their children receiving less than 100% focus in exchange for siblings. But not in exchange for unrelated infants. If my son's little brother is crying, his playing shop thing can wait. If another baby is crying, then hmmm...less inclined.

Ok Karen.

Methinks the nanny doth protest too much...

Just out of curiosity, is there any number of kids you can’t handle super nanny? Just curious...

Not the PP.

In one family: I’m not comfortable with more than 5 under 3, 3 under 2 or 2 under 1; triplet toddlers are fun, but triplet infants are a no go for me. Having worked with families of 6-8 kids, yes I now exactly what I’m capable of doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Too much focus on one child all the time
can definitely have negative consequences.

Something is seriously wrong if you think that.

Undivided attention allows a child to believe the world revolves around them. That is HIGHLY detrimental, which is why I don’t work with only children.

WTF, how bizarrely discriminatory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No you aren’t used to or experienced handling multiple kids for years. You underestimate what an excellent nanny is capable of bc you know you couldn’t handle it. You also assume a nanny cannot spread their love to multiple kids. Most nannies love their kids as their own. The only difference is she birthed one and brought it to work. Here is the thing with DCUM, most hire subpar or average nannies and claim they pay well. Most families don’t. When you experience a truly amazing nanny you know it. Everything she does is effortless bc it’s the same rodeo just different kids for her.

I bet you aren't experienced in handling other people's kids + your own for years. I mean how many years would you really bring your child to work? This isn't exactly a popular arrangement.

Love isn't a reflection of skill. It isn't love that makes you a good multitasker.

No one loves other people kids like their own. You don't either. That's just a thing people say.

No, I’m not. But I’m not the nanny poster who is doing that. I’m just not closed minded and bent on trying to prove her wrong. I know what a great nanny is capable of, just like I know some iffy nannies. I’m experienced with handling multiple kids under 5 and for me it’s easy. While the parents struggle with just their kids I don’t. Parents are quick to dismiss a nanny’s skill bc they think it makes them look bad as a parent.

I don't think you get it. When parents add another baby to the family, they understand the level of care for the older children will go down. They know it and they accept it in the name of expanding the family, because another sibling is worth less attention to the others. But they aren't ready to accept it in the name of another child. That's what you aren't getting. Of course you can handle multiple children - what nanny can't? It's just that not all parents are ready to accept the reduction in care in the name of another person's child.

I'll give you an example from our preposterous friend whose newborn is nursing in a carrier while she's running around three-year olds at a playground. We all know that's not possible so let's pretend it's a more realistic scenario of her nursing her infant on the bench while 3-year olds are playing.

Now let's pretend one three-year old fell down.

Or both kids want the nanny to support them in climbing something.

Or one kid wants the nanny to come and play shop.

Now, if it's a mother nursing her infant while her children play, she may be perfectly comfortable saying to the 3-year old, hey Johnny, you have to wait, your brother is eating. But not all parents may be comfortable with the idea of nanny saying hey Johnny, you have to wait, my baby is eating.

3yo don’t need help to climb. They either try and go back down 2-3 steps if they decide it’s too hard or they skip something entirely if it looks scary.

A 3yo with a scraped knee comes running to me.

I walk around to take pictures and videos of the kids while they play, not to interrupt their ability to develop independence. By 3yo, most children should be able to determine if they want to brush it off and play (no blood) vs have cuddles, a bandaid and then play.

You sound lazy and pretty sad. The priority should be playing with and engaging a child, not watching them taking pictures and videos. Kids can develop better when they are engaged, nurtured and feel secure. A three year old, if they hurt themselves, should be attended to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No you aren’t used to or experienced handling multiple kids for years. You underestimate what an excellent nanny is capable of bc you know you couldn’t handle it. You also assume a nanny cannot spread their love to multiple kids. Most nannies love their kids as their own. The only difference is she birthed one and brought it to work. Here is the thing with DCUM, most hire subpar or average nannies and claim they pay well. Most families don’t. When you experience a truly amazing nanny you know it. Everything she does is effortless bc it’s the same rodeo just different kids for her.

I bet you aren't experienced in handling other people's kids + your own for years. I mean how many years would you really bring your child to work? This isn't exactly a popular arrangement.

Love isn't a reflection of skill. It isn't love that makes you a good multitasker.

No one loves other people kids like their own. You don't either. That's just a thing people say.

No, I’m not. But I’m not the nanny poster who is doing that. I’m just not closed minded and bent on trying to prove her wrong. I know what a great nanny is capable of, just like I know some iffy nannies. I’m experienced with handling multiple kids under 5 and for me it’s easy. While the parents struggle with just their kids I don’t. Parents are quick to dismiss a nanny’s skill bc they think it makes them look bad as a parent.

I don't think you get it. When parents add another baby to the family, they understand the level of care for the older children will go down. They know it and they accept it in the name of expanding the family, because another sibling is worth less attention to the others. But they aren't ready to accept it in the name of another child. That's what you aren't getting. Of course you can handle multiple children - what nanny can't? It's just that not all parents are ready to accept the reduction in care in the name of another person's child.

I'll give you an example from our preposterous friend whose newborn is nursing in a carrier while she's running around three-year olds at a playground. We all know that's not possible so let's pretend it's a more realistic scenario of her nursing her infant on the bench while 3-year olds are playing.

Now let's pretend one three-year old fell down.

Or both kids want the nanny to support them in climbing something.

Or one kid wants the nanny to come and play shop.

Now, if it's a mother nursing her infant while her children play, she may be perfectly comfortable saying to the 3-year old, hey Johnny, you have to wait, your brother is eating. But not all parents may be comfortable with the idea of nanny saying hey Johnny, you have to wait, my baby is eating.

3yo don’t need help to climb. They either try and go back down 2-3 steps if they decide it’s too hard or they skip something entirely if it looks scary.

A 3yo with a scraped knee comes running to me.

I walk around to take pictures and videos of the kids while they play, not to interrupt their ability to develop independence. By 3yo, most children should be able to determine if they want to brush it off and play (no blood) vs have cuddles, a bandaid and then play.

You sound lazy and pretty sad. The priority should be playing with and engaging a child, not watching them taking pictures and videos. Kids can develop better when they are engaged, nurtured and feel secure. A three year old, if they hurt themselves, should be attended to.

Are you thinking of a 1 year old? You sound overbearing, helicoptering and neurotic. None of which is helpful to the development of a 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

3yo don’t need help to climb. They either try and go back down 2-3 steps if they decide it’s too hard or they skip something entirely if it looks scary.

A 3yo with a scraped knee comes running to me.

I walk around to take pictures and videos of the kids while they play, not to interrupt their ability to develop independence. By 3yo, most children should be able to determine if they want to brush it off and play (no blood) vs have cuddles, a bandaid and then play.

Great job inventing a theory to justify your detachment. Do you ever play with your charges? Or are you just a custodian with a camera?

[Anonymous]

Some three year olds are confused about when you’re supposed to be the adult, and when you’re his puppy.
So, know your child.