What’s fair for nannies when they have a baby?

[Anonymous]

That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

And actually no, you can't babywear in your sleep.

Also, only a first-time mother would believe nonsense like a 6-week old having a nap and feeding routine. There is no routine with a 6-weeks old other than what they set for themselves. They don't care what times you have set aside to feed and soothe them. They eat when they are hungry, and they cry when they want to cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

True. But none of those people bring their baby to work with them the way a nanny would. Surgeons aren’t trying to operate while holding an infant in one arm. Teachers aren’t walking around with their babies as they teach class.

That’s the difference.

A nanny can’t pay someone else to watch her baby because then her salary would be a wash and there would be no point to working.

This says more about you and what you pay a nanny. You probably pay low and that’s why you think nannies can’t afford childcare.

As a nanny, I currently make around $60k (fluctuates higher when you add bonuses and I can make more when I do a nanny share). My husband makes more than me as a Fed. We could absolutely afford childcare if we had a child. However, I would quit working and stay home, not bc we couldn’t afford childcare but bc I love the infant stage. I would want to experience the first year of my child’s life full time.

I’m confused.

It sounds like you have a good job as a nanny and you’re paid on the books. Are you saying you would be okay paying another nanny under the table wages for your own baby so you could afford childcare? That sounds .... weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

True. But none of those people bring their baby to work with them the way a nanny would. Surgeons aren’t trying to operate while holding an infant in one arm. Teachers aren’t walking around with their babies as they teach class.

That’s the difference.

A nanny can’t pay someone else to watch her baby because then her salary would be a wash and there would be no point to working.

This says more about you and what you pay a nanny. You probably pay low and that’s why you think nannies can’t afford childcare.

As a nanny, I currently make around $60k (fluctuates higher when you add bonuses and I can make more when I do a nanny share). My husband makes more than me as a Fed. We could absolutely afford childcare if we had a child. However, I would quit working and stay home, not bc we couldn’t afford childcare but bc I love the infant stage. I would want to experience the first year of my child’s life full time.

I’m confused.

It sounds like you have a good job as a nanny and you’re paid on the books. Are you saying you would be okay paying another nanny under the table wages for your own baby so you could afford childcare? That sounds .... weird.

You are confused. Check your comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

Um yup. For the most part women are too tired at 6 weeks to do a good job at work. Maternity leave should be 6 months, subsidized by the government. And men should have 6 months too

[Anonymous]

And I should get six months off to rehab my house. And the government should pay for it. And my husband should get the next 6 months off to decorate it.

Having children is a personal choice, as is rehabbing a house. Make sure you can afford it on your own. Don't ask complete strangers to subsidize your personal choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I should get six months off to rehab my house. And the government should pay for it. And my husband should get the next 6 months off to decorate it.

Having children is a personal choice, as is rehabbing a house. Make sure you can afford it on your own. Don't ask complete strangers to subsidize your personal choices.

Or make friends with your extended family and neighbors, and ask for help when you need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I should get six months off to rehab my house. And the government should pay for it. And my husband should get the next 6 months off to decorate it.

Having children is a personal choice, as is rehabbing a house. Make sure you can afford it on your own. Don't ask complete strangers to subsidize your personal choices.

Yet you're paying to educate the children of complete strangers, and let them read books in public libraries. You're also subsidizing wars on perfect strangers across the ocean. And the peanuts perfect strangers grow in the Carolinas. You haven't been asked, either, you've just been forced to do it. And someone else paid for the road you're using and the clean air you breathe. All of that is OK, it's just the babies that are somehow personal choices and cannot be subsidized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

And actually no, you can't babywear in your sleep.

Also, only a first-time mother would believe nonsense like a 6-week old having a nap and feeding routine. There is no routine with a 6-weeks old other than what they set for themselves. They don't care what times you have set aside to feed and soothe them. They eat when they are hungry, and they cry when they want to cry.

1) “In my sleep” is an idiom indicating that a task is so familiar that it can be done with virtually no conscious effort. Are you a non-native English speaker?

2) I didn’t say that my 6-week-old was on a schedule (napping at the same times every day); I said my 6-week-old was on a good routine (with a predictable routine that led to naps). So for the first few months that I was back at work, I stuck to more flexible outings such as park or library or museum rather than timed activities such as story times or classes. By 6 months my baby was on an actual schedule.

3) Finally I think this gets to the heart of what we nannies are saying. Yes, if I didn’t bring my baby to work my charges would have had more attention and 100% of their activities would be based on only their needs and schedule. That said, there are bad nannies, meh nannies, good nannies and really outstanding nannies. If you had ever had a truly outstanding nanny, you would know that someone like me on a bad day is better than many other nannies giving it their all. So if a nanny has a baby, your options are not “nanny A with her kid or nanny A without her kid”. It is “nanny A with her kid or nanny B without her kid.” So for some families they are paying top of the market and can afford to find someone with no kids who is also stellar. If your compensation falls short, it may very well be the best choice to hire supernanny for only a few dollars less than her top salary range and let her bring her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. Something that a lot of parents don’t get is that, as a career nanny, I am better at this than you.

I have juggled 5 kids under 9, 3 under 2 (twins and a newborn), multiple sets of twins and one family of three kids. On top of that, I have always been a “family assistant” type of nanny. When I worked with toddler twins and a newborn, I was making all the kids’ food, and family dinner twice a week and handling 90% of the laundry for the whole family and going to the grocery store about twice a month with all the kids, etc. With my current 3yo twin charges, I manage everything about the kids’ wardrobes (shopping, laundering, and putting away), all their summer camp enrollments, all their extracurricular enrollments, all the food they eat, all the shopping and most of the errands for the family, any repairs or contractors needed for the house, I even pack lunch for MB. And I did most of this since the kids were newborns!

I have a lot of advantages over a typical SAHM. I have a TON of experience with newborns and I know how to manage sleep, feeding and soothing even a difficult baby. I could babywear in my sleep. And I have handled the transition of adding a baby to a household many times over. When I knew I was pregnant, I began adjusting my charges routine months in advance so that there were two built-in times when I could easily feed or soothe a newborn.

I started bringing my baby with me at 6 weeks. Prior to that, My DH negotiated a flex schedule and went in to work late, so I did the morning routine with my charges and dropped them at full-day camp, then their grandparents picked them up and a backup nanny did the afternoon. By 4 weeks, I was doing am and pm (my mother watched the baby while I worked afternoons). Then at 6 weeks, I had established breastfeeding and a decent nap routine, in spite of the fact that my baby had reflux.

Our routine was that my baby nursed and cuddled in a carrier during most of the morning routine with the twins, napped in the car en route to our morning outing, nursed in the carrier while the twins ran around at our outing and I easily followed them around. Then at home the twins would have some independent play while listening to audiobooks while I got the baby settled for a nap, then lunch for the twins, they would have nap/quiet time and the baby would have some floor time, then the twins would do an art or sensory or science project while I fed the baby and prepped dinner. The baby napped in a swing during dinner then I would give all three a bath and get into PJs. The parents took over and I went home to put my baby to bed.

I charge on the lower end of my range but as someone else posted, 80% of a nanny who is a skilled caregiver and an energetic multitasker is better than 100% of a blah nanny who is mostly just keeping everyone alive.

That actually sounds terrible for the twins. They are doing “independent play” all day while you nurse your baby. There’s no way you can truly engage and run after them during the outing, with the baby in a carrier. And how can you concentrate on guiding them through their art/science project if you are nursing AND cooking dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re incapable of caring for your children on weekends after you have a baby? Are you a danger to your older children at bath time due to your exhaustion?

Surgeons and doctors, school bus drivers, preschool and daycare teachers, shouldn’t go back to work after maternity leave because they’ll be too exhausted?

What is fair for nannies is to be treated like any other profession and for women to be treated the same as men. Your basic premise is wrong and your question (fake concern) is insulting to women.

True. But none of those people bring their baby to work with them the way a nanny would. Surgeons aren’t trying to operate while holding an infant in one arm. Teachers aren’t walking around with their babies as they teach class.

That’s the difference.

A nanny can’t pay someone else to watch her baby because then her salary would be a wash and there would be no point to working.

This says more about you and what you pay a nanny. You probably pay low and that’s why you think nannies can’t afford childcare.

As a nanny, I currently make around $60k (fluctuates higher when you add bonuses and I can make more when I do a nanny share). My husband makes more than me as a Fed. We could absolutely afford childcare if we had a child. However, I would quit working and stay home, not bc we couldn’t afford childcare but bc I love the infant stage. I would want to experience the first year of my child’s life full time.

I’m confused.

It sounds like you have a good job as a nanny and you’re paid on the books. Are you saying you would be okay paying another nanny under the table wages for your own baby so you could afford childcare? That sounds .... weird.

I’m sure you are confused. You cannot read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

You have 3 kids. How do you give them all equal attention when you are with them?

[Anonymous]

Too much focus on one child all the time
can definitely have negative consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This says more about you and what you pay a nanny. You probably pay low and that’s why you think nannies can’t afford childcare.

As a nanny, I currently make around $60k (fluctuates higher when you add bonuses and I can make more when I do a nanny share). My husband makes more than me as a Fed. We could absolutely afford childcare if we had a child. However, I would quit working and stay home, not bc we couldn’t afford childcare but bc I love the infant stage. I would want to experience the first year of my child’s life full time.

I’m confused.

It sounds like you have a good job as a nanny and you’re paid on the books. Are you saying you would be okay paying another nanny under the table wages for your own baby so you could afford childcare? That sounds .... weird.

NP. Please, stop derailing this thread! A nanny is not the only form of childcare that exists. At $60K, a nanny could afford many day cares. They might also have family available that can provide childcare for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Too much focus on one child all the time
can definitely have negative consequences.

Something is seriously wrong if you think that.