What’s fair for nannies when they have a baby?

[Anonymous]

Our old nanny told us she was pregnant before she was even 12 weeks. I think she started comparing her life to ours and was getting bitter. She started cutting corners a lot. We had a come to Jesus talk with her, asked her to change a few specific things, she didn't, so we fired her.

I feel badly for my daughter, but don't feel badly for the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

You have 3 kids. How do you give them all equal attention when you are with them?

Cute, but I never said that I did. The fact is that my older kids had MUCH less attention from me during the first year of baby's life while I was breastfeeding, etc, and frankly pretty exhausted. The house was also a mess, for sure.

[Anonymous]

This nanny being too tired to care for other children stuff is nonsense. Sure, during the first 2 weeks after a baby is born parents can be useless zombies while they adjust, but we're talking about after maternity leave. Are you also going to ask nannies to inform you if they develop a chronic health condition that makes them extra tired or if they suddenly become in charge of taking care of an elderly parent or if their partner becomes terminally ill? There are many things in life that make people more tired yet still capable of working.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately nanny is a different job from surgeon or pilot. We have hired nannies with either grown kids or no kids. My husband and I have limited sick leave and hence the nanny route and the premium that calls for. What if my child is sick, what happens then? Does the nanny not bring her baby that day/week? Having own baby means more sick days for the nanny to take care of own child. She may or may not have alternative child care arrangements. Also, as others have said, no matter the experience, all depends on the baby. With my first I couldn’t pump and I was home all day. He had severe reflux and colic and needed constant attention (we were zombies until our own nanny started.). Anyway, if there is already more than one child in the family, bringing nanny’s own child is tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

You have 3 kids. How do you give them all equal attention when you are with them?

Cute, but I never said that I did. The fact is that my older kids had MUCH less attention from me during the first year of baby's life while I was breastfeeding, etc, and frankly pretty exhausted. The house was also a mess, for sure.

Another mom of three here. Of course you split attention among the kids. You are also not a paid professional, if that makes sense. We hire nannies to spend time with our children. Just like I don’t spend time with my kids when I am at work, I expect a nanny, another professional, not to spend time with her kids at her work (outside of occasional situations obviously). If she does, then it’s a nanny share with reduction in rates.

[Anonymous]

I think many of the responses are misguided... and somewhat cruel. Underscored with nanny resentment that she spends more time with both her kid and your kid than you do.

Every nanny and family situation is different. I’d love for my nanny to have a younger around my kid, especially if there were no siblings. Newborns mostly sleep anyway, and not every mom has sleepless or exhausted nights.

I say a great nanny that you trust and that your child has a relationship with is very hard to find. Me personally, I’d bite the bullet, sign my older kid up for a few morning activities during the week (Gymboree etc) and be happy. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

You have 3 kids. How do you give them all equal attention when you are with them?

Cute, but I never said that I did. The fact is that my older kids had MUCH less attention from me during the first year of baby's life while I was breastfeeding, etc, and frankly pretty exhausted. The house was also a mess, for sure.

Cute but I was just asking a question. Never making any assumptions. But thank you proving a point. You aren’t a nanny. An excellent and qualified nanny is more experienced than you and can handle more than you. It’s clear that makes DCUM moms feel some type of way, that a nanny can jump in and make it look effortless while you struggled but, that’s what a good nanny does. That’s what you are paying for.

Just bc a parent couldn’t do it all bc they aren’t experienced doesn’t mean a nanny can’t. An excellent and experienced nanny can absolutely take care of your children, her own and still do an excellent job. Actually a better job than you bc guess what, it’s their job. It’s what they are used to and experienced with.

No one has said it, but that nanny you moms so quickly want to knock down, sounds amazing and experienced.

[Anonymous]

Mother of three here again. I am amazed by our nanny. She does a far superior job handling all three kids than I ever could. She has years of experience raising her children and multiple others. And that’s why we pay her as much as we do - for that experience. She herself told me she could never do this job when her kids were little because they required so much from her. And oh yeah those sick days. No one here seems to have addressed that issue. Anyway, as I said above, every family is different as is every baby. If all yours did was sleep as newborns - count your blessings. Also, don’t understand those moms who feel inferior to their nannies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother of three here again. I am amazed by our nanny. She does a far superior job handling all three kids than I ever could. She has years of experience raising her children and multiple others. And that’s why we pay her as much as we do - for that experience. She herself told me she could never do this job when her kids were little because they required so much from her. And oh yeah those sick days. No one here seems to have addressed that issue. Anyway, as I said above, every family is different as is every baby. If all yours did was sleep as newborns - count your blessings. Also, don’t understand those moms who feel inferior to their nannies!

That’s your nanny. Others, as the nanny here who posted, are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds cute, PP, but the thing is, however good of a nanny you were with your baby+twins, you would have been a better nanny with just your charge twins. Don't pretend the baby didn't take anything away from them, and don't pretend your baby got no less compared to a one-on-one situation.

+1

If you're arguing that you were a better nanny to twins than most nannies are, even though you were also dealing with a new baby 24/7, well, I can't judge that. But don't try to pretend that it was all exactly the same from the MB's perspective - either you're less attentive/involved with her kids or you're doing less around the house. One or the other, most likely both.

- mom of 3

You have 3 kids. How do you give them all equal attention when you are with them?

Cute, but I never said that I did. The fact is that my older kids had MUCH less attention from me during the first year of baby's life while I was breastfeeding, etc, and frankly pretty exhausted. The house was also a mess, for sure.

Cute but I was just asking a question. Never making any assumptions. But thank you proving a point. You aren’t a nanny. An excellent and qualified nanny is more experienced than you and can handle more than you. It’s clear that makes DCUM moms feel some type of way, that a nanny can jump in and make it look effortless while you struggled but, that’s what a good nanny does. That’s what you are paying for.

Just bc a parent couldn’t do it all bc they aren’t experienced doesn’t mean a nanny can’t. An excellent and experienced nanny can absolutely take care of your children, her own and still do an excellent job. Actually a better job than you bc guess what, it’s their job. It’s what they are used to and experienced with.

No one has said it, but that nanny you moms so quickly want to knock down, sounds amazing and experienced.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Cute but I was just asking a question. Never making any assumptions. But thank you proving a point. You aren’t a nanny. An excellent and qualified nanny is more experienced than you and can handle more than you. It’s clear that makes DCUM moms feel some type of way, that a nanny can jump in and make it look effortless while you struggled but, that’s what a good nanny does. That’s what you are paying for.

Just bc a parent couldn’t do it all bc they aren’t experienced doesn’t mean a nanny can’t. An excellent and experienced nanny can absolutely take care of your children, her own and still do an excellent job. Actually a better job than you bc guess what, it’s their job. It’s what they are used to and experienced with.

No one has said it, but that nanny you moms so quickly want to knock down, sounds amazing and experienced.

But not a better job that she would have without her child around.

I doubt they are used to and experienced in taking care of other children with her own child in the mix because children are only young once, and arrangements with the nanny's child are infrequent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many of the responses are misguided... and somewhat cruel. Underscored with nanny resentment that she spends more time with both her kid and your kid than you do.

Every nanny and family situation is different. I’d love for my nanny to have a younger around my kid, especially if there were no siblings. Newborns mostly sleep anyway, and not every mom has sleepless or exhausted nights.

I say a great nanny that you trust and that your child has a relationship with is very hard to find. Me personally, I’d bite the bullet, sign my older kid up for a few morning activities during the week (Gymboree etc) and be happy. Life is short.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1) “In my sleep” is an idiom indicating that a task is so familiar that it can be done with virtually no conscious effort. Are you a non-native English speaker?

It's strange that you think babywearing, a task that thousands of illiterate mothers around the world practice on a daily basis, requires effort.

Anonymous wrote:
2) I didn’t say that my 6-week-old was on a schedule (napping at the same times every day); I said my 6-week-old was on a good routine (with a predictable routine that led to naps). So for the first few months that I was back at work, I stuck to more flexible outings such as park or library or museum rather than timed activities such as story times or classes. By 6 months my baby was on an actual schedule.

But you did say you started setting aside "two times" where you could easily feed and soothe a newborn before the baby was even born. Be honest. A newborn doesn't give a damn what times you have set aside to feed and soothe them. They want food when they're hungry and comfort when they are uncomfortable. They don't care about your plans. They don't care about the twins, either.

Anonymous wrote:
3) Finally I think this gets to the heart of what we nannies are saying. Yes, if I didn’t bring my baby to work my charges would have had more attention and 100% of their activities would be based on only their needs and schedule. That said, there are bad nannies, meh nannies, good nannies and really outstanding nannies. If you had ever had a truly outstanding nanny, you would know that someone like me on a bad day is better than many other nannies giving it their all. So if a nanny has a baby, your options are not “nanny A with her kid or nanny A without her kid”. It is “nanny A with her kid or nanny B without her kid.” So for some families they are paying top of the market and can afford to find someone with no kids who is also stellar. If your compensation falls short, it may very well be the best choice to hire supernanny for only a few dollars less than her top salary range and let her bring her kid.

It's good that you admitted that you with your baby < you alone. But there is one more thing you forget. It is rare for the family to hire a nanny with the baby outright. When extended, this treatment is usually reserved for nannies who have already worked with the family and made themselves indispensable, to the degree that a family prefers to put up with the inconvenience of a newborn than to lose her. In this scenario, the family has already employed a nanny long enough when she had no children, and therefore paid full rate. So it's not a question of getting someone excellent on a reduced rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Our routine was that my baby nursed and cuddled in a carrier during most of the morning routine with the twins, napped in the car en route to our morning outing, nursed in the carrier while the twins ran around at our outing and I easily followed them around. Then at home the twins would have some independent play while listening to audiobooks while I got the baby settled for a nap, then lunch for the twins, they would have nap/quiet time and the baby would have some floor time, then the twins would do an art or sensory or science project while I fed the baby and prepped dinner. The baby napped in a swing during dinner then I would give all three a bath and get into PJs. The parents took over and I went home to put my baby to bed.

I charge on the lower end of my range but as someone else posted, 80% of a nanny who is a skilled caregiver and an energetic multitasker is better than 100% of a blah nanny who is mostly just keeping everyone alive.

I don't know what you mean by "easily following them around" but the idea that you can run around after two three-year olds while your nipple is inside someone's mouth is ridiculous to anyone who has breasts. Come on. You know that makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Cute but I was just asking a question. Never making any assumptions. But thank you proving a point. You aren’t a nanny. An excellent and qualified nanny is more experienced than you and can handle more than you. It’s clear that makes DCUM moms feel some type of way, that a nanny can jump in and make it look effortless while you struggled but, that’s what a good nanny does. That’s what you are paying for.

Just bc a parent couldn’t do it all bc they aren’t experienced doesn’t mean a nanny can’t. An excellent and experienced nanny can absolutely take care of your children, her own and still do an excellent job. Actually a better job than you bc guess what, it’s their job. It’s what they are used to and experienced with.

No one has said it, but that nanny you moms so quickly want to knock down, sounds amazing and experienced.

But not a better job that she would have without her child around.

I doubt they are used to and experienced in taking care of other children with her own child in the mix because children are only young once, and arrangements with the nanny's child are infrequent.

No you aren’t used to or experienced handling multiple kids for years. You underestimate what an excellent nanny is capable of bc you know you couldn’t handle it. You also assume a nanny cannot spread their love to multiple kids. Most nannies love their kids as their own. The only difference is she birthed one and brought it to work. Here is the thing with DCUM, most hire subpar or average nannies and claim they pay well. Most families don’t. When you experience a truly amazing nanny you know it. Everything she does is effortless bc it’s the same rodeo just different kids for her.